Venting want to shoot myself badly but don't have access to a shotgun

[anhedonic_moron]

have seen images and videos of people shooting themselves and while although it's messy and gruesome, it's relaxing in a way by providing 100 percent certainty. it's instantaneous, knocks you out quick but i live in a country where firearms are mostly banned and inaccessible. The only means of obtaining any firearm is via a lengthy bureaucratic process with big obstacles to go through which obviously am already invalidated due to me registering to a therapist and "pyschological center" even if lets say one were to go through all the bureaucratic hurdles, all they could realistically obtain is a low calibre hunting gun something that wouldn't guarantee absolute death. all and all it sucks, don't want to stab myself or hang myself again. if guns are an option, am taking it in a heartbeat

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

god, our world so sucks... this therapist here that did manage to get a gun, and is NOT forgetting how many can't and how fortunate I am... IDK, I'm just sorry, and have tried to have y'all be part of the motivation to get to feeling brave and not afraid to pull the trigger when it's time. Not worth much to you, but solidarity I guess fwiw

 

[interna]

you mention seeing vids. maybe a weird question but just out of curiosity would you ever record your death as well? if i ever shot myself i probably would tbh.
read a thread here a few days ago where the OP basically said jumping specifically is great because people can record and you can be useful for once in your life (that is producing gore content) and got reminded of it.

that aside i can relate to your frustration. it could be so easy and yet it isnt all bc people think suicide isn't a right.

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

May I ask what is the motivation behind your will to CTB?

 

[anhedonic_moron]

you mention seeing vids. maybe a weird question but just out of curiosity would you ever record your death as well? if i ever shot myself i probably would tbh.
read a thread here a few days ago where the OP basically said jumping specifically is great because people can record and you can be useful for once in your life (that is producing gore content) and got reminded of it.

that aside i can relate to your frustration. it could be so easy and yet it isnt all bc people think suicide isn't a right.

no, though i do sometimes fantasize about doing a live stream with a shotgun angled towards me but no. seeing gore sites before and how edgy and just down right annoying both certain videos and comments can get, turned me off to the idea. not to mention that it would be somewhat embarrassing if i failed my attempt then that video will forever haunt me if i managed to not decide to CTB. just won't give ammunition to those edgelords. the sad part is that gore doesn't amount to anything. it's junk, in other words, it's useless. so in a sense one is not contributing to anything if their death is recorded other than shallow edginess and maybe, just maybe landing on the homepage of a whatever ad infested gore site.

curious to ask but why would you probably record yourself? what is your own motivation behind it?

May I ask what is the motivation behind your will to CTB?

so many things really, wasted childhood, no social or romantic life, any chance for university is slim to none, transitioning to 9 to 5 work, dead weight on others, dysfunctional family, foreigner in a sense, etcetera, etcetera. can go on really, what about you? what is your motivation for CTB?

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

no, though i do sometimes fantasize about doing a live stream with a shotgun angled towards me but no. seeing gore sites before and how edgy and just down right annoying both certain videos and comments can get, turned me off to the idea. not to mention that it would be somewhat embarrassing if i failed my attempt then that video will forever haunt me if i managed to not decide to CTB. just won't give ammunition to those edgelords. the sad part is that gore doesn't amount to anything. it's junk, in other words, it's useless. so in a sense one is not contributing to anything if their death is recorded other than shallow edginess and maybe, just maybe landing on the homepage of a whatever ad infested gore site.

curious to ask but why would you probably record yourself? what is your own motivation behind it?

so many things really, wasted childhood, no social or romantic life, any chance for university is slim to none, transitioning to 9 to 5 work, dead weight on others, dysfunctional family, foreigner in a sense, etcetera, etcetera. can go on really, what about you? what is your motivation for CTB?

I'm losing my relationship, which is pretty much the only thing here keeping me here. It's going quick, and I can't help but feel helpless. I probably won't CTB anytime soon though because I don't want my parents (especially my mother) and sister to go back to full blown depression and potentially ruin their lives.

 

[anhedonic_moron]

I'm losing my relationship, which is pretty much the only thing here keeping me here. It's going quick, and I can't help but feel helpless. I probably won't CTB anytime soon though because I don't want my parents (especially my mother) and sister to go back to full blown depression and potentially ruin their lives.

sorry to hear, hope that there could be a possibility for you to get out of this mess. when did it all start? sorry if am bothering

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

I've had suicidal ideation since 2018, my last relationship. I also started drinking around that time, which eventually led to me heavy drinking every single day until a couple of months ago. We met by a mutual friend on a trip, and it felt like heaven.
As is natural, people change across the relationship. She has changed, I have changed, our worldviews, opinions and ideals have changed, and I feel like she just deserves someone better (than me at least). I've had a number of suicide attempts across my relationship, which have simultaneously fucked up my brain and given me a taste of how it might feel like if I wasn't found each and every single time.
Due to the last try, I had to go through a cold-turkey benzo withdrawal, which has helped fuck what remained of my wits. It's mostly over, but it's never 100% over.
And here I am. Shaking with anxiety, feeling helpless and in despair of losing the one thing that gave meaning to my life.

 

[anhedonic_moron]

I've had suicidal ideation since 2018, my last relationship. I also started drinking around that time, which eventually led to me heavy drinking every single day until a couple of months ago. We met by a mutual friend on a trip, and it felt like heaven.
As is natural, people change across the relationship. She has changed, I have changed, our worldviews, opinions and ideals have changed, and I feel like she just deserves someone better (than me at least). I've had a number of suicide attempts across my relationship, which have simultaneously fucked up my brain and given me a taste of how it might feel like if I wasn't found each and every single time.
Due to the last try, I had to go through a cold-turkey benzo withdrawal, which has helped fuck what remained of my wits. It's mostly over, but it's never 100% over.
And here I am. Shaking with anxiety, feeling helpless and in despair of losing the one thing that gave meaning to my life.

you've gone through a lot, this has teared me a bit, really wish you can get out of this somehow, some way. not to act and or sound like those pro lifers but even you said it ain't 100 percent over, wish you nothing but the best brother

 

[interna]

curious to ask but why would you probably record yourself? what is your own motivation behind it?

archival, mostly, although i am aware it would eventually be lost. i like to keep a document of important events in my life, and i'd argue my death is the most important lol.
your point is extremely valid, yeah.

 

[executed]

i'm facing the same issue, i don't think i will ever be able to buy any firearms. might just go to a shooting range and do it there

 

[anhedonic_moron]

archival, mostly, although i am aware it would eventually be lost. i like to keep a document of important events in my life, and i'd argue my death is the most important lol.
your point is extremely valid, yeah.

ah never thought it like that! are you going to live stream or just let it be recorded until someone finds out?

i'm facing the same issue, i don't think i will ever be able to buy any firearms. might just go to a shooting range and do it there

honestly, it's best to stay out of shooting ranges since they do implement measures to ensure one can't shoot yourself like either showing proof that your "mentally stable" require someone to accompany you, guns being hold up to those safety bands to purposely limit movemet, etcetera.

 

[kuroshimi]

If I had a gun of any kind, I probably would already be dead. It's reliable and quick.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I need to grow a pair and buy that shotgun. It's easy where I live. I should be grateful for it. The violence of it scares me but you wouldn't even register it. It's too fast. A shotgun is the closest thing to euthanasia. An end-your-life button. I'm just too scared to interact with another human. It's ridiculous.

 

[interna]

ah never thought it like that! are you going to live stream or just let it be recorded until someone finds out?

most reliable option is livestream (which isn't saying much), but yeah ive still to find someone whos willing to keep the vod archived so /shrug

 

[prettyclam]

Its unfortunate how the fastest and most effective methods are unavailable. My past history with the mental hospital and therapy have ruined my chances at getting a gun too, which is a shame since I live in a country where anyone can buy guns. The world is playing a cruel joke by having this great method taken from us

 

[indianachrome]

i was watching gun shot wound survivors on youtube today. It was scaring the shit out of me. One guy was blind. One was paralyzed. Fuck it looked awful

 

[anhedonic_moron]

most reliable option is livestream (which isn't saying much), but yeah ive still to find someone whos willing to keep the vod archived so /shrug

hope you can find someone that will do it, hope nothing but the best for you

i was watching gun shot wound survivors on youtube today. It was scaring the shit out of me. One guy was blind. One was paralyzed. Fuck it looked awful

it truly is, these people who unfortunately have to suffer the rest of their lives like this are terrifying. don't know if you saw that one interview of a CTB survivor who now has to endure his face being severely disfigured, breathing via a tube inserted in his lower neck and partial blindness, etcetera. guns are fast and effective but if you don't know what you're doing, it will be a nightmare which is why personally i want to use a shotgun so that my head will be wide open eliminating any chance for survival, can't find the interview for the life of me, sorry

 

[indianachrome]

Fock I saw a kid who used 12 gauge shotgun and survived. Seriously. I mean what were the doctors thinking? they had to remove his fibula to reconstruct his jaw. He looks completely disfigured. He's blind. It's all hard to believe. My luck that would happen to me.

 

[madameviolette]

Fock I saw a kid who used 12 gauge shotgun and survived. Seriously. I mean what were the doctors thinking? they had to remove his fibula to reconstruct his jaw. He looks completely disfigured. He's blind. It's all hard to believe. My luck that would happen to me.

How is that even possible ? Where did he shoot ?

 

[anhedonic_moron]

Fock I saw a kid who used 12 gauge shotgun and survived. Seriously. I mean what were the doctors thinking? they had to remove his fibula to reconstruct his jaw. He looks completely disfigured. He's blind. It's all hard to believe. My luck that would happen to me.

holy shit, do you know how the kid reacted? presume it is from a documentary you saw

How is that even possible ? Where did he shoot ?

from the looks of it, they all stem from shooting themselves submentally, pointing the barrel upwards which obliterates the entire face instead of brain. there are videos of survivors faces literally being a huge red cavity and somehow they retain consciousness. the desperate moaning and groaning is the terrifying part of it

 

[madameviolette]

holy shit, do you know how the kid reacted? presume it is from a documentary you saw

from the looks of it, they all stem from shooting themselves submentally, pointing the barrel upwards which obliterates the entire face instead of brain. there are videos of survivors faces literally being a huge red cavity and somehow they retain consciousness. the desperate moaning and groaning is the terrifying part of it

Yes I saw that too. I think one would have better luck with a rifle tbh. A gunshot wound in some cases seem to burn the flesh but not destroy the skull. A rifle cartridge seems more powerful for that but idk

 

[anhedonic_moron]

Yes I saw that too. I think one would have better luck with a rifle tbh. A gunshot wound in some cases seem to burn the flesh but not destroy the skull. A rifle cartridge seems more powerful for that but idk

well, it really depends on the situation, gun and bullet. there have been instances of the bullet being weak that it goes around the skull than penetrating it but most bullets do destroy the skull

 

[indianachrome]

i can try to find video link and share with you guys but it was unbelievably sad. I mean I have an elderly father and kids and they can't see me like that. Plus who the fuck feeds him and cares for him. That kids i saw who was paralyzed had his mum feeding him. My mum is dead. And I don't have any money or insurance. Watching those videos really makes you think about shit

 

[Captive_Mind515]

holy shit, do you know how the kid reacted? presume it is from a documentary you saw

from the looks of it, they all stem from shooting themselves submentally, pointing the barrel upwards which obliterates the entire face instead of brain. there are videos of survivors faces literally being a huge red cavity and somehow they retain consciousness. the desperate moaning and groaning is the terrifying part of it

There is a very cruel aspect to these survivors, and that is everywhere other than your face would be extremely lethal. You've got arteries running up each side of your neck and into your head. And obviously the brain. Any major injury to the brain is going to be fatal without prompt medical attention. But particularly the lower and back portion - the brain stem which pretty much controls everything related to being alive and conscious. Even though our face is pretty damn important to our quality of life and everyday tasks/living, it is surprisingly free of major arteries and such that would make it a quick death. Really very very cruel for anyone that is not aware of this... and sadly that is quite a lot of people.

This site is demonised, but yet this community has made many people aware of facts like this so they don't end up being another tragic news story of someone living without their face...

 

[anhedonic_moron]

i can try to find video link and share with you guys but it was unbelievably sad. I mean I have an elderly father and kids and they can't see me like that. Plus who the fuck feeds him and cares for him. That kids i saw who was paralyzed had his mum feeding him. My mum is dead. And I don't have any money or insurance. Watching those videos really makes you think about shit

really wish that you can get out of your mental misery so that you will not have a chance of suffering these injuries. it truly does, it's as if god lets these occurrences happen for shits and giggles.

There is a very cruel aspect to these survivors, and that is everywhere other than your face would be extremely lethal. You've got arteries running up each side of your neck and into your head. And obviously the brain. Any major injury to the brain is going to be fatal without prompt medical attention. But particularly the lower and back portion - the brain stem which pretty much controls everything related to being alive and conscious. Even though our face is pretty damn important to our quality of life and everyday tasks/living, it is surprisingly free of major arteries and such that would make it a quick death. Really very very cruel for anyone that is not aware of this... and sadly that is quite a lot of people.

This site is demonised, but yet this community has made many people aware of facts like this so they don't end up being another tragic news story of someone living without their face...

it's similar to those drug centers that hands out clean supplies to drug addicts and as a way to try to council them and help them to sobriety while they are in the building, some having a hangout place and extra activities to help them move forward, they are going to keep on using drugs so might as well lessen the side effects and complications so they won't be in a deeper shit then they already are. nobody wants a worse off junkie the same way nobody wants a worse off suicide survivor. i think i could've worded this better and sorry for my pseudointellectualism