Want to make sure I am ready 2 go

[shadow999]

I was going to CTB earlier this week, needed to work on my method. I don't want it to fail. SI can be such a pain and I'm anticpating
a lot of anxiety as a result of SI during the attempt, which if successful shouldn't take long.
Also want to make sure I have reasonably exhausted any possibility of getting better. IMO I do not see it happening.
Psychosis has ruined my life. Wish I had better mental health education growing up.
I am not even a husk of what I used to be.
Tried therapy on and off for the past 12 years and tried an outpatient program based off of behavioral activation for the past 6 months.
Just quit it because it was not working. IMO psych meds do nothing and I even tried ECT, no lasting effect.
Tired of the suffering and constant anguish. Just want to be at peace or something like that.
Miss how I used to think and feel but it doesn't seem like I can have that back.
Thanks for reading.

 

[jepe24]

I'm in the Same EXACT BOAT
I have a way of ctb but now worrying it may not work i live in constant psychosis

 

[fatladysings]

Sorry to hear that psychosis has ruined your life. I have psychosis too and like you I tried therapy and found it useless.

However, unlike you I found partial success with an antipsychotic. I was wondering if you have ever tried a few different antipsychotics? Maybe you could experiment and see if you can find one that helps?

I tried Quetiapine, Risperidone, Amisulpride, Aripiprazole and settled on Olanzapine. The Olanzapine makes me eat like a horse, but it (1) dampens down my voices (2) alongside Prozac it stops my bipolar mood swings.

I'm still going to ctb but the Olanzapine means I get to live a half decent life in the meantime. I wish the same for you.

 

[jepe24]

Olapzpine is what I'm on now

 

[shadow999]

Sorry to hear that psychosis has ruined your life. I have psychosis too and like you I tried therapy and found it useless.

However, unlike you I found partial success with an antipsychotic. I was wondering if you have ever tried a few different antipsychotics? Maybe you could experiment and see if you can find one that helps?

I tried Quetiapine, Risperidone, Amisulpride, Aripiprazole and settled on Olanzapine. The Olanzapine makes me eat like a horse, but it (1) dampens down my voices (2) alongside Prozac it stops my bipolar mood swings.

I'm still going to ctb but the Olanzapine means I get to live a half decent life in the meantime. I wish the same for you.

Hi, thanks, been on Risperidone and Olanzapine. The dose for Olanzapine was between 15 mg and 5, perscription changed at time. Neither of them felt like they were doing anything. Mostly my psychosis was from marijiauna use (half ounce a day) for about 3 years or so. I don't experience psychosis otherwise so I think the antipsychotics were just meant to be safeguards,
tried Prozac and Welbutrin too, no effect. I believe my depression is treatment resistant.

 

[jepe24]

It suck's being stuck in your own head

 

[shadow999]

It suck's being stuck in your own head

Yeah it does. On top of that the damage that psychosis did to my life, I can't even bear to accept.

 

[jepe24]

I feel you i wanna ctb so bad and I don't know how to

 

[shadow999]

I feel you i wanna ctb so bad and I don't know how to

The authorities in most places don't make it simple. These threads can inform u.

 

[jepe24]

The ways all seem so complicated

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered a lot, existence really is too cruel and I understand why you'd feel so tired, I also just wish for some peace. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[shadow999]

It really sounds like you've suffered a lot, existence really is too cruel and I understand why you'd feel so tired, I also just wish for some peace. But anyway I wish you the best.

Thank you! Wish you the best as well.

The ways all seem so complicated

Like I said there's people out there who won't allow this to be simple.
It's such a shame, I won't allow it to stop me though.

 

[fatladysings]

Hi, thanks, been on Risperidone and Olanzapine. The dose for Olanzapine was between 15 mg and 5, perscription changed at time. Neither of them felt like they were doing anything. Mostly my psychosis was from marijiauna use (half ounce a day) for about 3 years or so. I don't experience psychosis otherwise so I think the antipsychotics were just meant to be safeguards,
tried Prozac and Welbutrin too, no effect. I believe my depression is treatment resistant.

Have to say that 5mg or even 10mg of Olanzapine didn't do anything for me, I had to get up to 20mg to get any help from it. But I'm sure you know yourself best and I'm sorry that meds don't help you.

You said in your first post that ECT had no lasting effect - does that mean that it helped to start off with?

 

[jepe24]

I'm just annoyed I can't start my own thread i feel like I'm hogging everyone's thread lol

 

[shadow999]

Have to say that 5mg or even 10mg of Olanzapine didn't do anything for me, I had to get up to 20mg to get any help from it. But I'm sure you know yourself best and I'm sorry that meds don't help you.

You said in your first post that ECT had no lasting effect - does that mean that it helped to start off with?

Yeah so for ECT, at first it was ok. I would feel euphoric right after treatment for a few hours for the first batch of shocks.
Then, I stopped feeling that euphoria. The effects never lasted long for me anyways, and I was getting ECT for depression.
My psychosis is totally under control now, thanks to not smoking weed, but the damage it did to my life is irreversible. I can hardly cope. My depression on the other hand just doesn't wanna change much and there is no apparent cause, yeah my psychosis is functionally gone but my depression is getting worse. 4 or 5 months ago I would at least attempt my hobbies. Now, it's just like, why bother. Doing something in order to feel good but before you feel good is called behavioral activation. I try stuff but it just never feels good. At some point, you just wanna stop.

I'm just annoyed I can't start my own thread i feel like I'm hogging everyone's thread lol

I don't mind u posting here if you want to.

 

[jepe24]

Did it take awhile to start your own thread

 

[shadow999]

Did it take awhile to start your own thread

I don't remember exactly but I thought I could post a thread like right away. I'm pretty new here.

 

[jepe24]

Can you share a screenshot of where I go to post a thread
I just been in for 12 hours
I just been in for 12 hours

 

[shadow999]

Can you share a screenshot of where I go to post a thread

Cannot screenshot this site due to security reasons unfortunately. For me the button to post a thread is in the top right corner below the top menu bar.
Edit: that is of the home page.

 

[jepe24]

Weird I can't post it's only been a few hrs but someone said it takes a number of post that one posts to actually be able to post
Is euthanasia alllowed in the USA for mentally disabled people this I wonder

 

[shadow999]

Weird I can't post it's only been a few hrs but someone said it takes a number of post that one posts to actually be able to post
Is euthanasia alllowed in the USA for mentally disabled people this I wonder

Euthanasia is not allowed in the USA for mentally disabled people. Belgium and Holland have assisted suicide for people with uncurable mental illness.

 

[jepe24]

I was finally allowed to post a thread it was my web browser . I wonder if there is a waiting list for this . I'm so sick that I couldn't even get on a plain for this

 

[shadow999]

I was finally allowed to post a thread it was my web browser . I wonder if there is a waiting list for this . I'm so sick that I couldn't even get on a plain for this

From what I know they don't let foreigners travel there for that. It sucks. 2027 Canada is expanding their MAID program to include assissted suicide for mentally ill people, but it's like the 3rd time they have delayed it, it was supposed to pass in 2024.

 

[jepe24]

Impossible I just private messaged you

 

[maniac116]

I was going to CTB earlier this week, needed to work on my method. I don't want it to fail. SI can be such a pain and I'm anticpating
a lot of anxiety as a result of SI during the attempt, which if successful shouldn't take long.
Also want to make sure I have reasonably exhausted any possibility of getting better. IMO I do not see it happening.
Psychosis has ruined my life. Wish I had better mental health education growing up.
I am not even a husk of what I used to be.
Tried therapy on and off for the past 12 years and tried an outpatient program based off of behavioral activation for the past 6 months.
Just quit it because it was not working. IMO psych meds do nothing and I even tried ECT, no lasting effect.
Tired of the suffering and constant anguish. Just want to be at peace or something like that.
Miss how I used to think and feel but it doesn't seem like I can have that back.
Thanks for reading.

 

[fatladysings]

Yeah so for ECT, at first it was ok. I would feel euphoric right after treatment for a few hours for the first batch of shocks.
Then, I stopped feeling that euphoria. The effects never lasted long for me anyways, and I was getting ECT for depression.
My psychosis is totally under control now, thanks to not smoking weed, but the damage it did to my life is irreversible. I can hardly cope. My depression on the other hand just doesn't wanna change much and there is no apparent cause, yeah my psychosis is functionally gone but my depression is getting worse. 4 or 5 months ago I would at least attempt my hobbies. Now, it's just like, why bother. Doing something in order to feel good but before you feel good is called behavioral activation. I try stuff but it just never feels good. At some point, you just wanna stop.

I don't mind u posting here if you want to.

That's sad that the ECT stopped working for you. I'm glad to hear your psychosis is under control, you are lucky that it went away after you quit smoking weed cos sometimes psychosis can hang around even after you quit smoking. I know you may not be feeling very lucky ATM and I'm sorry to hear your depression is getting worse and that you've stopped your hobbies. I hadn't heard of behavioural activation before so I googled it and I see that it's a CBT skill. I wouldn't be the world's biggest CBT fan. I tried it twice in the past and it never did me any good. I'm sure it works for some people but not me, and by the sound of things not you either.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

Euthanasia is not allowed in the USA for mentally disabled people. Belgium and Holland have assisted suicide for people with uncurable mental illness.

You make it sound like it's easy. It's not. In Belgium they will not give euthanasia because of ondraaglijk psychisch lijden (unbearable mental suffering) to foreigners.

There needs to be an established relation with a (Belgian) psychiatrist. And then you have to consult other psychiatrists who have a waiting list for over a year (at least). A few days ago there was an article in the paper about it. A guy with mental problems wanting euthanasia and stating it was unfair, the waiting list. It's much faster for people with a terminal disease (for obvious reasons).

 

[shadow999]

You make it sound like it's easy. It's not. In Belgium they will not give euthanasia because of ondraaglijk psychisch lijden (unbearable mental suffering) to foreigners.

There needs to be an established relation with a (Belgian) psychiatrist. And then you have to consult other psychiatrists who have a waiting list for over a year (at least). A few days ago there was an article in the paper about it. A guy with mental problems wanting euthanasia and stating it was unfair, the waiting list. It's much faster for people with a terminal disease (for obvious reasons).

I'm aware that unfortunately, foreigners with mental illness who want to die, cannot use these countries resources to die. I feel like countries need to be more liberal about this issue. People commit suicide anyways. I don't want to have to keep suffering when my illness is not improving. At what point is enough enough?

 

[jepe24]

I agree at shadow9999