Venting Want To Know How to Feel completely Useless?

[Al Cappella]

Fill out a Persons With Disabilities application form. I feel so completely gross and vile--you have no idea. It's a three-parter, the first involves my describing the disability, how it affects my daily existence; the second is the doctor's bit (so I have to first persuade doctor); lastly an assessor does their bit = anyone from nurse-practitioner, social worker, psychologist--down to your chiropractor. I'm pretty sure a chiro can't help me.

So I just completed the first bit. Somebody drop a piano on me already. To sit there, outlining why I can't survive on my own--to describe the anxiety in detail--which, when written out sounds just completely pathetic. You know, go buy some shit from Walmart, get it home--doesn't fit--keep it because you can't go back to store. Seriously. It's happened.

Or standing in line at grocery check out--girl says "$66.75" for a little tub of yoghurt, a thing of orange juice, and 1lb ground beef. I mean she caught it--the actual amount was $16.75--but I would have paid it, my head is that done in in public.

Afraid to talk on phone. I can write all day--to anyone--but phone? Forget it. Does that even make any sense?

Seriously, I wish this was Sanctioned Homicide--someone come whack me already! What a complete and utter shitshow...

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be so awful and depressing. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish you the best.

 

[Al Cappella]

This life can be so awful and depressing. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish you the best.

Thank you—it's not that bad, just venting

 

[Disappointered]

I feel your pain. Sometimes I wonder if officially going "disabled" could ever be better than just killing yourself. I may have to humiliate myself that way soon as well but I'm hoping I can just find the courage to die.

 

[katagiri83]

To sit there, outlining why I can't survive on my own--to describe the anxiety in detail--which, when written out sounds just completely pathetic.

I can empathize with you completely, @psnoody.

Application for disability or sickness benefits for any psychiatric condition is purely raging against the machine. Due to societal norms & the « invisibility » nature of such illness, the systems basically plaçe the whole onus on the applicant to prove / justify your own illness with disproportionate requirements. Hope you are doing alright during this process, also, the need to keep repeating yourself at the various point of MANY assessments is deeply re-traumatizing: it's like creating new trauma on its own. *sigh* take care & hope you are having some luck

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Fill out a Persons With Disabilities application form. I feel so completely gross and vile--you have no idea. It's a three-parter, the first involves my describing the disability, how it affects my daily existence; the second is the doctor's bit (so I have to first persuade doctor); lastly an assessor does their bit = anyone from nurse-practitioner, social worker, psychologist--down to your chiropractor. I'm pretty sure a chiro can't help me.

So I just completed the first bit. Somebody drop a piano on me already. To sit there, outlining why I can't survive on my own--to describe the anxiety in detail--which, when written out sounds just completely pathetic. You know, go buy some shit from Walmart, get it home--doesn't fit--keep it because you can't go back to store. Seriously. It's happened.

Or standing in line at grocery check out--girl says "$66.75" for a little tub of yoghurt, a thing of orange juice, and 1lb ground beef. I mean she caught it--the actual amount was $16.75--but I would have paid it, my head is that done in in public.

Afraid to talk on phone. I can write all day--to anyone--but phone? Forget it. Does that even make any sense?

Seriously, I wish this was Sanctioned Homicide--someone come whack me already! What a complete and utter shitshow...

The application process is horrible.

Whatever you do, do not underplay your symptoms. It's so tempting to not want to tell these administrative assholes how it really feels to be you, but you have to make sure that you are really letting them have it.

It's also so important not to underplay your symptoms with your treatment team (docs, therapists, social workers) or your file will not match what you have reported.

I feel for you. Don't give up. I was forced to a judicial hearing in court before it was all done, but I couldn't work anymore and they needed to recognize it. And finally, finally the judge did.

 

[NSA]

The application process is horrible.

Whatever you do, do not underplay your symptoms. It's so tempting to not want to tell these administrative assholes how it really feels to be you, but you have to make sure that you are really letting them have it.

It's also so important not to underplay your symptoms with your treatment team (docs, therapists, social workers) or your file will not match what you have reported.

I feel for you. Don't give up. I was forced to a judicial hearing in court before it was all done, but I couldn't work anymore and they needed to recognize it. And finally, finally the judge did.

This one x 1000. I got ssi on my first try and am convinced it's because I told them in excruciating detail, not just how bad everything really is, but exactly why it makes me unable to work. It's like a job interview but in reverse.

Having to reapply (and thus retraumatize myself every 3 fucking years) is one of the reasons I want to ctb, honestly. People should not be made to feel subhuman just because they need these things.

 

[Al Cappella]

I feel your pain. Sometimes I wonder if officially going "disabled" could ever be better than just killing yourself. I may have to humiliate myself that way soon as well but I'm hoping I can just find the courage to die.

I've wondered the same thing. That humiliation pain, I think, is worse than the fear at ending things…

Application for disability or sickness benefits for any psychiatric condition is purely raging against the machine. Due to societal norms & the « invisibility » nature of such illness, the systems basically plaçe the whole onus on the applicant to prove / justify your own illness with disproportionate requirements. Hope you are doing alright during this process, also, the need to keep repeating yourself at the various point of MANY assessments is deeply re-traumatizing: it's like creating new trauma on its own. *sigh* take care & hope you are having some luck

I know! And because the suffering part of mental illness happens in private, and the doctors never see that—I mean they have the diagnosis, sure, but don't connect to the day-to-day, there's a real risk of not being believed. And denied. Sigh…

The application process is horrible.

Whatever you do, do not underplay your symptoms. It's so tempting to not want to tell these administrative assholes how it really feels to be you, but you have to make sure that you are really letting them have it.

It's also so important not to underplay your symptoms with your treatment team (docs, therapists, social workers) or your file will not match what you have reported.

I feel for you. Don't give up. I was forced to a judicial hearing in court before it was all done, but I couldn't work anymore and they needed to recognize it. And finally, finally the judge did.

I'm not hiding anything. For once ppl are going to know what's really going on, all of it, however gross.

Having to reapply (and thus retraumatize myself every 3 fucking years) is one of the reasons I want to ctb, honestly. People should not be made to feel subhuman just because they need these things.

It's completely dehumanizing—having to beg the government for crumbs. And I'm not entitled at all—here they pay you $10,000 under the poverty line. You're just sitting in a shack somewhere waiting for the end…

 

[freedompass]

This is very current for me. A veteran of making disability claims for almost 30 years. I'm 'lucky' I suppose that I have professional support to complete the forms, long and well documented history of severe mental illness with many forced hospitalisations. Also fortunate to live in the UK. That said. They changed the system a few years ago and seem to have cut out any compassion that might previously have been shown to the most vulnerable people in society. Since then you are basically assumed to be a fraudster till you can prove otherwise. Last October they abruptly cut my benefit altogether reducing my income by two thirds. They had failed to give me any notice of my award coming to an end, failed to send me a review letter in timely fashion. So I had to make a new claim. It takes at least four months for them to come to a decision. In the meantime I'm struggling to pay bills never mind rent. Do I have any comeback, can I expect any compensation? Haha nope of course not. It's probably not even worth raising a complaint.

Well. I'm still more fortunate than many. And my attitude these days is this. They want me alive? Deny me a peaceful, humane assisted death? Damn right let them pay!

 

[Al Cappella]

Well. I'm still more fortunate than many. And my attitude these days is this. They want me alive? Deny me a peaceful, humane assisted death? Damn right let them pay!

Right? There is something to that, truly!