R
RedRaven
New Member
- Nov 30, 2020
- 3
Hey all, my life has been pretty shit but this year has been especially shitty for me. My dad died from a heart attack and my closest friend also abandoned me. My life is stuck in a rut, I don't enjoy the things that I used to and I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Feels like there's no point making friends or maintaining friendships 'cause they'll just up and leave too like all my other past relationships.
Up until now, I always thought things would get better but so far it hasn't. And when things do look up, they were just momentary and end up being shitty again. I'm so tired of hurting, and feeling like nothing matters. I've been suicidal before but it never got so bad until now. I tried talking to my friend about it because I still had some hope left, that I could be wrong about some things. So I told them how I feel like no one -- my friends -- actually cares if I were gone and how I don't bring anything to the world and they went on about how I'm too focused on the negatives and that I'll find new people... I've already gone through so many people and they never stay or care if I'm there. I'm sick of it. Then they told me to find someone to date as if trivializing the whole thing to just me wanting a partner.
I'm so tired of it all. I have SN in the fridge, and I want to end it but I'm still scared. Why is it so hard to just do it?
Up until now, I always thought things would get better but so far it hasn't. And when things do look up, they were just momentary and end up being shitty again. I'm so tired of hurting, and feeling like nothing matters. I've been suicidal before but it never got so bad until now. I tried talking to my friend about it because I still had some hope left, that I could be wrong about some things. So I told them how I feel like no one -- my friends -- actually cares if I were gone and how I don't bring anything to the world and they went on about how I'm too focused on the negatives and that I'll find new people... I've already gone through so many people and they never stay or care if I'm there. I'm sick of it. Then they told me to find someone to date as if trivializing the whole thing to just me wanting a partner.
I'm so tired of it all. I have SN in the fridge, and I want to end it but I'm still scared. Why is it so hard to just do it?