Wanna die right now

[Muse]

Hi I'm a woman from France.
I'm desperate... I have been in an abusive relationship with my parents and they still make me suffering. My first suicide idea was when I was 9.
All my love relationship were very toxic. I never had a true love affair. I've never been loved.

I'm with a guy since 2019 and it's one day in paradise and one day in pure hell. I discovered he is married with an alcoholic woman and they are fighting every day. He was always saying that he will divorce her to be with me but I understood that he will never leave. He is happy to have a wife even she's alcoholic and a mistress.
I tried to break up with him but it was even worse. I can t even think living without him. I love that guy so much.

I hate my job, but can't stop working because I have to pay for my house.

I hate my life so much. I have no friend because of my depression.

Life is hell. I feel physic pain in my chest.

Every night I pray to die in my sleep. My prayers won't be heard. My eyes are burnt because I cry all day long.

I wanna exit so much! Most of all I wanna die!

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have been through a lot. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are in so much pain. I know it can be dreadful to be so desperate. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I hope you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Crazy4u]

It is hard to keep going and stay alive when the odds are against you. If you decide to CTB, please don't RUSH. Remember, CTB is not urgent and can wait.

 

[Muse]

CTB is in my mind since forever. My life has really been horrible and I don't understand why. Bad news after bad news after bad news. I feel so much pain in all my body. If I had a solid method right now I would exit without any hesitation. I am at that point where breathing is difficult and hurts me a lot.
Can't breathe, can't eat anything.

All I wanted was a simple life with a good job and a lover. Just a simple life with holidays, restaurants, sunbathing, chilling... I don't know why I'm such a loser.

Thank you guys for your answers, it means a lot to me!

 

[Lost Magic]

I think some people just get lucky in this life and a lot of us just get doomed to suffer. Saying, that you deserve better than this and I hope you can break away from what sounds like a toxic relationship. Good luck!

 

[VKVK]

CTB is in my mind since forever. My life has really been horrible and I don't understand why. Bad news after bad news after bad news. I feel so much pain in all my body. If I had a solid method right now I would exit without any hesitation. I am at that point where breathing is difficult and hurts me a lot.
Can't breathe, can't eat anything.

All I wanted was a simple life with a good job and a lover. Just a simple life with holidays, restaurants, sunbathing, chilling... I don't know why I'm such a loser.

Thank you guys for your answers, it means a lot to me!

I understand your pain. Many of us do. It's soul-crushing when you try so, so hard to live a 'normal' life by societal standards and find out in the end it was never your call to have that in the first place. You didn't choose this and you couldn't have known how it'd turn out.

I hope something good happens that gives you the necessary strength you need to confront and rise above all of this. It's the only way forward for us sad souls.
Easier said than done, though...

 

[OceanSpray]

CTB is in my mind since forever. My life has really been horrible and I don't understand why. Bad news after bad news after bad news. I feel so much pain in all my body. If I had a solid method right now I would exit without any hesitation. I am at that point where breathing is difficult and hurts me a lot.
Can't breathe, can't eat anything.

All I wanted was a simple life with a good job and a lover. Just a simple life with holidays, restaurants, sunbathing, chilling... I don't know why I'm such a loser.

Thank you guys for your answers, it means a lot to me!

You're not a loser. Some people go through more difficulties in their lives than others.

It's easier to achieve a simle life on your own than with someone else. Maybe if you work on achieving that first you can find a lover in the future? Easier said than done, of course.

 

[wanttodie]

me to Every night I pray to die in my sleep.

 

[kkhg]

How old are you?
You could find another guy who loves you

 

[Muse]

Hello
I'm 39. My entire life has been made of bad news, bad relationships, toxicity... there is no love for me in this world. People say that I'm attractive, smart and kind but my love stories are a complete fail. Never been loved. That hurts so much.

I pray to die everyday.

Your messages send me solace, thank you.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Hello
I'm 39. My entire life has been made of bad news, bad relationships, toxicity... there is no love for me in this world. People say that I'm attractive, smart and kind but my love stories are a complete fail. Never been loved. That hurts so much.

I pray to die everyday.

Your messages send me solace, thank you.

I relate

 

[Sherri]

i Relate to you, having to work besides being down and dealing with all pressures from society, it takes a lot of inner strength. And my secret is to use a side of me that know one knows so I can get things done and have the essencial things in my life, I'm sorry your going through a hard time, hope You find the courage somehow to overcome that. About the tittle of your thread whatever you decide to do I wish you peace and try one more time or a few times to see if things get better. About the married guy they always say they are leaving their wives when most cases they don't. You deserve to be loved by someone single that you can fall in love to forget that guy that is causing you grief. Hugs

 

[TheHatedOne]

It's always heart breaking when you see people suffering so much that you can feel it through their words. I'm very sorry that you were dealt a shitty hand in life. You've got a lot of support on here. I can relate with the failures in love and having pretty much no one. Sending big hugs.