Red
Warlock
- Apr 10, 2019
- 744
Okay so firstly I'd like to say that I LOVE other women; I find most of them gorgeous, powerful and amazing. Having an exclusively female disease, I have found a couple of communities that are INCREDIBLE as they support each other unconditionally, finding strength in female solidarity and being able to comfort each other through the very testing trials of these awful, painful, incurable diseases (endometriosis and adenomyosis). I don't want to believe the misnomer that all women are out to compete with each other and are driven by envy n jealousy - we're all so much better than that and surely realise that bolstering each other up is far more constructive, to ourselves as well as others, than constantly ripping each other down.
But I don't have many female friends. Some of this must be down to my often no-nonsense attitude - I'm not particularly "girly"; I don't indulge in many activities that other women enjoy, or watch soaps or reality TV shows, and sometimes I can have little patience for these types of conversation, preferring to speak about other things instead. I've probably inadvertently pushed myself out of many "girly" friend groups and interactions over the years.
However I'm finding a lot of female hostility outside of this, even since I've recognised the failings I have outlined above and have been working to fight them and be more approachable. I've had it fairly constantly throughout my life but it's become especially apparent since I've gotten engaged and started planning my wedding.
I don't think I'm particularly good looking - people have called me beautiful but equally, or perhaps more so, I've been called ugly; I look I'm the mirror and think, "meh". I don't really wear makeup or put that much effort into my appearance. I've been told I look younger than my years but honestly I think that it'll all crash in soon as I'm now very close to 40 and things aren't nearly as supple as they used to be lol
So I get this thing, over and over... unwarranted hostility, outright anger at any tiny piece of good fortune or well-earned reward. I don't know what it is but I get the feeling that in most of these instances, these women seem to think that they are better than me and are annoyed that I have this one thing that they don't, or that I have managed to gain something that I don't deserve, despite them usually having so much more, like a big bank account and/or supportive parents. The feeling seems to be that I've somehow acquired it by nefarious means, despite usually putting in a great deal of work to get anything out of life. I've been accused of "fluttering my eyelashes" to get what I want (NEVER done this n actively fight this kind of behaviour - i.e: I'll never accept drinks from someone who's drunk and ALWAYS tell buyers that I'm taken); been told that I'd've probably gotten a different outcome if I "looked different", or just generally more often considered to be some kind of "vile temptress" in any given situation than an innocent party, despite being in long term, committed relationships for nearly my whole adult life.
It's not like I've little experience with women - I've had female "friends" my whole life, plus four younger sisters. But half of them seem really bitchy the whole time, full of back handed compliments and outright nastiness - I can't speak to two of them right now because every interaction is loaded with thinly veiled malevolence, which is obviously (and provably) fuelled by gossip and long bitching sessions behind the scenes. I had a female best friend for a long time (around 20 years, on and off!) but had to stop speaking to her a few times and permanently since a couple of years ago, as she treated me awfully and expected me to keep coming back for more, blatantly thinking herself better than me and expecting me to bow to her "superiority"; considering her time and experience far more valuable than mine and harbouring little resentments instead of talking them over as regularly encouraged - how can I learn or clear things up if I don't know what I'm doing to upset? This is after a lot of poor behaviour from her that a). was brushed entirely under the carpet, despite a long time of not speaking because of it and b). was never apologised for. I forgave n tried to forget anyway but it still kind of irked me in the back of my mind.
I don't gush about stuff constantly, nor lord it up over anybody, ever. Even the wedding stuff is pretty much secret, considering that most of my family isn't even invited. I'm not particularly lucky, although I do consider myself lucky for finally finding a decent man who is prepared to love n look after me while we sort out this health crap, while communicating effectively and working to solve issues in the relationship instead of ignoring them. I don't have much family, none that I can rely on anyways; I've no career to speak of atm (but by fuck this will definitely change when I get a handle on this illness!!), despite LOVING the job I had; I'm a mother to one 18yo transgender son and again, despite putting my ALL into parenting him (this is the one thing I'm determined not to fail at - serious stuff, raising a kid!), these toxic people call even this into question, despite our relationship being good and my approach being generally applauded by others. I could probably do better but again, could also do a lot worse.
The whole thing frightens and confuses me - there is never a time when I'm not happy for someone having something good in their lives, even if they've been a complete dick to me in the past. Getting married? Good for them! My ex got married last year and I'm so made up for him it's crazy lol
Been travelling, n everyone else is fed up of hearing about it? I WANT to hear their tales of foreign adventures, excited to hear about what they've seen and experienced.
By the way, you lookin' FINE today girl, you're ROCKIN' that look!
TLDR: Sigh. I just wish it was easier to connect with other women. Am I a prick?? I try so hard not to be! I just wonder why I'm constantly being torn down by other women and why nobody can ever seem genuinely happy for anything good I manage to achieve or obtain. I'd love to have a bunch of girls to gush to about my wedding dress n accessories n ring n everything but have to keep it waaaaay on the down low for fear of upsetting someone! Is there anything I could do to be more approachable and/or to stop attracting this kind of behaviour??
Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long lol
But I don't have many female friends. Some of this must be down to my often no-nonsense attitude - I'm not particularly "girly"; I don't indulge in many activities that other women enjoy, or watch soaps or reality TV shows, and sometimes I can have little patience for these types of conversation, preferring to speak about other things instead. I've probably inadvertently pushed myself out of many "girly" friend groups and interactions over the years.
However I'm finding a lot of female hostility outside of this, even since I've recognised the failings I have outlined above and have been working to fight them and be more approachable. I've had it fairly constantly throughout my life but it's become especially apparent since I've gotten engaged and started planning my wedding.
I don't think I'm particularly good looking - people have called me beautiful but equally, or perhaps more so, I've been called ugly; I look I'm the mirror and think, "meh". I don't really wear makeup or put that much effort into my appearance. I've been told I look younger than my years but honestly I think that it'll all crash in soon as I'm now very close to 40 and things aren't nearly as supple as they used to be lol
So I get this thing, over and over... unwarranted hostility, outright anger at any tiny piece of good fortune or well-earned reward. I don't know what it is but I get the feeling that in most of these instances, these women seem to think that they are better than me and are annoyed that I have this one thing that they don't, or that I have managed to gain something that I don't deserve, despite them usually having so much more, like a big bank account and/or supportive parents. The feeling seems to be that I've somehow acquired it by nefarious means, despite usually putting in a great deal of work to get anything out of life. I've been accused of "fluttering my eyelashes" to get what I want (NEVER done this n actively fight this kind of behaviour - i.e: I'll never accept drinks from someone who's drunk and ALWAYS tell buyers that I'm taken); been told that I'd've probably gotten a different outcome if I "looked different", or just generally more often considered to be some kind of "vile temptress" in any given situation than an innocent party, despite being in long term, committed relationships for nearly my whole adult life.
It's not like I've little experience with women - I've had female "friends" my whole life, plus four younger sisters. But half of them seem really bitchy the whole time, full of back handed compliments and outright nastiness - I can't speak to two of them right now because every interaction is loaded with thinly veiled malevolence, which is obviously (and provably) fuelled by gossip and long bitching sessions behind the scenes. I had a female best friend for a long time (around 20 years, on and off!) but had to stop speaking to her a few times and permanently since a couple of years ago, as she treated me awfully and expected me to keep coming back for more, blatantly thinking herself better than me and expecting me to bow to her "superiority"; considering her time and experience far more valuable than mine and harbouring little resentments instead of talking them over as regularly encouraged - how can I learn or clear things up if I don't know what I'm doing to upset? This is after a lot of poor behaviour from her that a). was brushed entirely under the carpet, despite a long time of not speaking because of it and b). was never apologised for. I forgave n tried to forget anyway but it still kind of irked me in the back of my mind.
I don't gush about stuff constantly, nor lord it up over anybody, ever. Even the wedding stuff is pretty much secret, considering that most of my family isn't even invited. I'm not particularly lucky, although I do consider myself lucky for finally finding a decent man who is prepared to love n look after me while we sort out this health crap, while communicating effectively and working to solve issues in the relationship instead of ignoring them. I don't have much family, none that I can rely on anyways; I've no career to speak of atm (but by fuck this will definitely change when I get a handle on this illness!!), despite LOVING the job I had; I'm a mother to one 18yo transgender son and again, despite putting my ALL into parenting him (this is the one thing I'm determined not to fail at - serious stuff, raising a kid!), these toxic people call even this into question, despite our relationship being good and my approach being generally applauded by others. I could probably do better but again, could also do a lot worse.
The whole thing frightens and confuses me - there is never a time when I'm not happy for someone having something good in their lives, even if they've been a complete dick to me in the past. Getting married? Good for them! My ex got married last year and I'm so made up for him it's crazy lol
Been travelling, n everyone else is fed up of hearing about it? I WANT to hear their tales of foreign adventures, excited to hear about what they've seen and experienced.
By the way, you lookin' FINE today girl, you're ROCKIN' that look!
TLDR: Sigh. I just wish it was easier to connect with other women. Am I a prick?? I try so hard not to be! I just wonder why I'm constantly being torn down by other women and why nobody can ever seem genuinely happy for anything good I manage to achieve or obtain. I'd love to have a bunch of girls to gush to about my wedding dress n accessories n ring n everything but have to keep it waaaaay on the down low for fear of upsetting someone! Is there anything I could do to be more approachable and/or to stop attracting this kind of behaviour??
Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long lol
