Discussion Waking up

[Are you lost too?]

Does anyone feels really frustrated when they wake up?

For me, I get really upset that I didn't die during the night and that I have one more day to go ahead. It's terrible. I feel very hopeless and with zero will to do anything.

And then I start thinking: feeling and thinking this won't help me at all in "getting better". Pretty sure putting it in quotes didn't help either.

 

[Tired_M]

My first thought when I wake up simply is: I want to die. It keeps me in bed for an hour or two before I can actually get up. It became an habit.

 

[deadalready1969]

Every night I wonder if I took just one extra pill, maybe it would put me to sleep forever. I also think about someone breaking into my house at night and murdering me. I rarely leave my house but when I do, I imagine getting killed in a car accident. Morbid, I know.

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

Whenever I wake up I usually groan in despair and then try to force myself to go back to sleep for a few more hours. It rarely works and it just makes me even more depressed. So I just have to get up and walk around like a soulless corpse until I can find temporary escape in falling asleep again.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Yep. I hate waking up. I often sleep really late just so I can put off waking up. I still end up waking up early every morning though.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Every night I wonder if I took just one extra pill, maybe it would put me to sleep forever. I also think about someone breaking into my house at night and murdering me. I rarely leave my house but when I do, I imagine getting killed in a car accident. Morbid, I know.

Fantasizing Someone breaking into the house and murdering is new for me !! I confess it's interesting, But very very low chances of happening to me (if you really think about it so is dying on my sleep lol) so I don't think I will indulge on this one.

you're not alone on the car accident stuff, I think about it all the time too.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yep. I hate waking up. I often sleep really late just so I can put off waking up. I still end up waking up early every morning though.

i do that! im scared to go to sleep because i hate waking up! its so strange!

 

[GreyMonkey]

you're not alone on the car accident stuff, I think about it all the time too.

I now drive without a seatbelt on...

 

[MeltingHeart]

I wake up in a severe panic every morning, do really stupid things like try to go to sleep facedown on pillow or with phone cable kind of around my neck - in a ridiculous thought that something might 'accidentally' happen in the night- even though my logical mind knows that clearly that is not going to work! its just plain strange behaviour- but here i am nonetheless- doing v.weird shit like that...

 

[TrailerTrash]

I hate it when I wake up ..... it's a "fu@# I didn't die" moment every time. Fortunately not many more mornings left to go .... Don't ever give up on your use of quotes """""

 

[Are you lost too?]

i do that! im scared to go to sleep because i hate waking up! its so strange!

I like going to sleep now I have the sleeping pills. In the sense that at least there is a "stop " to awake life. And I hope dying is just like being asleep. So like when I wake up it's one more dream of dying gone, at the same time it reminds be that I'm still here and have to do all this fucked up things that are life Over and Over again.

I wake up in a severe panic every morning, do really stupid things like try to go to sleep facedown on pillow or with phone cable kind of around my neck - in a ridiculous thought that something might 'accidentally' happen in the night- even though my logical mind knows that clearly that is not going to work! its just plain strange behaviour- but here i am nonetheless- doing v.weird shit like that...

Don't be too hard on yourself, meltingheart! It's not strange behavior. It's just behavior from someone who is in pain.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Does anyone feels really frustrated when they wake up?

For me, I get really upset that I didn't die during the night and that I have one more day to go ahead. It's terrible. I feel very hopeless and with zero will to do anything.

And then I start thinking: feeling and thinking this won't help me at all in "getting better". Pretty sure putting it in quotes didn't help either.

I posted a thread the other day- i hate going to sleep, because I hate waking up...or something like that...jeez what a horrible damn state to exist in i then think to myself!

 

[Are you lost too?]

I now drive without a seatbelt on...

I'm always with someone lol so if they see me they tell me put the seatbelt on

I hate it when I wake up ..... it's a "fu@# I didn't die" moment every time. Fortunately not many more mornings left to go .... Don't ever give up on your use of quotes """""

You made me laugh for the quotes part!

I posted a thread the other day- i hate going to sleep, because I hate waking up...or something like that...jeez what a horrible damn state to exist in i then think to myself!

I didn't see it, I'll look it up!
Yep. Depression sucks.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Every night I wonder if I took just one extra pill, maybe it would put me to sleep forever. I also think about someone breaking into my house at night and murdering me. I rarely leave my house but when I do, I imagine getting killed in a car accident. Morbid, I know.

I have SO many mobid thoughts now, makes me sad- as I used to be such a relatively happy little soul- moments of darkness like everyone- but not like I am now- now i think stuff like that constantly

 

[Are you lost too?]

I have SO many mobid thoughts now, makes me sad- as I used to be such a relatively happy little soul- moments of darkness like everyone- but not like I am now- now i think stuff like that constantly

Yeah I get you, melting heart.
And sometimes I even indulge on guilt trips like I shouldn't be think about it and then I only get worse. It's like I'm punishing myself.

"you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness"

 

[WhiteDespair]

I agree. I also stopped wearing a seatbelt. There have definitely been days where I've woken up and immediately regretted it. I now take sleeping pills just so I don't have to be awake. I'd rather dream forever.

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

To be awake is to choke on the vile sewage of consciousness.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Every night I close my eyes for at least an hour and run through the most messed up things in my life right now and then visualize the different places I might tie off for partial. I usually only sleep one or two hours at a stretch (hence my ss posts at all hours) and don't get out of bed unless I have no choice. In the morning, I always say, "Is today the day?" Before I went on medical leave, my colleagues thought my question was supposed to pump them up. They never knew the rest of that sentence was "to ctb?"

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Every time I wake up I feel this deep sense of disappointment and frustration. I just want to sleep forever. Reminds me of this song:

 

[Kodama]

i hate this moment... this feeling. I use to wake up a lot during the night but i fell asleep rapidly after (thanks Benzo) but between 4 to 5 am my wake up is complete and i hope just one thing... going to bed again at 9PM the next evening to switch off my fucking brain

 

[LastWhisper]

Yes, I hate waking up because it means I have to live another day that I don't want to start at all.

 

[Neverod]

Every day i wake up feeling more tired, think about my deadline (later this month, in 2 weeks) and move on with the day.

 

[Mloureiro]

Hate waking up, and just wish the next 12 hours fly by. Unfortunately, I have to get up to to go to a job I hate.....

 

[MourningHeart]

Im just having nightmares every night.
But when i wake up, the REAL nightmare seems just to begin. Of course, i did not die at night or anything would magically get better at day. I even wish to fall asleep again, having sick nightmares is not that cruel as living in reality right now.

As i wake up I instantly get the feeling of uneasiness and oppressiveness like i'm under some heavy pressure which gets more and more very fast. And i cant escape this feeling. Maybe because i slowly realize that im awake and no matter how mad the nightmare was, reality is WAY worse - its coming for me and i cant escape.

Well, but soon i can obviously. Thank ss for final relief.

 

[smirlap]

Waking up releases my pain for one more day.
Sole shrink told me : just wait for death, it will come itself...
Stupid sentence, hate shrinks

 

[Emily123]

It is a nightmare to see my botched face in the mirror again

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I noticed that every day I wake up, if the water is good, shit and take a shower, and if that happens and I feel strong enough to do a full shower, I stare at my face in the mirror, like they do in movies.
No idea why.

Waking up is weird for me because it's like a hard reboot - I don't exist for a few hours, and then suddenly I do. It's... unpleasant to exist again.
I wouldn't use the same words the people above me used, for me it's just unpleasant. Quite so, even.