Venting Waking up

[LXXCH]

After failing my attempt, I feel so pathetic after failing. If I didn't fuck up the generator I would be dead from CO poisoning. I hate that I end up feeling sick every morning from just waking up and being conscious,, just knowing that it's just another repeat of the same torturous cycle as the previous day. I spend hours in bed after I'm already awake just dreading the whole day. I have no motivation for anything.

Some days I force myself to stay awake because I don't want to go to sleep knowing tomorrow I'll wake up repeating the same miserable routine I created for myself. I wish I could pass away in my sleep, in a natural way. I want to sleep and to never wake up again. I feel like a fuck up after failing because if I had just done it right, I wouldn't feel like this. I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I also was disgusted to wake up this morning

 

[FuneralCry]

I also despise waking up into this dreadful and futile existence, I really wish there's the option to just never wake again as well, it's so cruel to me how one cannot just choose to never wake. But anyway best wishes, existing is also torturous to me.