http-410
nowhere
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,043
My suicide is dependent on several circumstances that will definitely occur in a certain period of time. There is no alternative, no hope, no cure, no turning back. Nevertheless, since I decided to go this way, everything is even more pointless than before. The more days go by, the worse I feel.
Is there any way to accept this path with all its suffering?
Probably this question is quite stupid.
As already mentioned, I know 100% that I cannot and will not continue to suffer like this. There is also no no way to change this "life". Years of therapies have been of no use and my current therapy is also failing and will end this year. Every now and then I can buy new things, or eat delicious food, but what's the point? Buying things creates a little anticipation for a very short time (usually until its delivered), but the suffering always remains.
The only thing stopping me so far is probably therapy, which I see only as a life/suffering-prolonging measure. A short break from therapy showed that I was absolutely unable to live because I went into an extreme depressive episode.
I recently had a "substance-induced" panic attack (or whatever) after drinking a powder (that was supposed to calm me down) and immediately felt regret when a strange feeling spread in my head and I got short of breath. With SN it will be so much worse and I'm scared.
Is there any way to accept this path with all its suffering?
Probably this question is quite stupid.
As already mentioned, I know 100% that I cannot and will not continue to suffer like this. There is also no no way to change this "life". Years of therapies have been of no use and my current therapy is also failing and will end this year. Every now and then I can buy new things, or eat delicious food, but what's the point? Buying things creates a little anticipation for a very short time (usually until its delivered), but the suffering always remains.
The only thing stopping me so far is probably therapy, which I see only as a life/suffering-prolonging measure. A short break from therapy showed that I was absolutely unable to live because I went into an extreme depressive episode.
I recently had a "substance-induced" panic attack (or whatever) after drinking a powder (that was supposed to calm me down) and immediately felt regret when a strange feeling spread in my head and I got short of breath. With SN it will be so much worse and I'm scared.