Voidad
The Fearful
- May 4, 2023
- 44
Saw other people do this and yeah, it does make sense to keep all my vents in a single thread rather than create new threads each time.
Feel free to ignore, feel free to read. Whatever you do, I appreciate you being here.
Have a nice day.
Well... here we are again. Another attempt at recovery, gone to complete shit.
I decided to see a psychiatrist after a long break because I kept having these nervous breakdowns every night back to back for like one or two weeks. Besides, I never stop thinking about getting better, dreaming about getting better. So I decided it was about time I gave it another shot.
Wouldn't you know it... I got infinitely worse. I don't know how this happens but... I tried countless medications and every single time I just got so much worse. My depression got worse, my anxiety got worse, my nervous breakdowns/panic attacks got a lot more severe and frequent and worst of all, I've never been this bloody suicidal in my life. Oh and if anyone asks, yes I do always take the said medications for at least a month so it's not the ''It can make you feel bad for the first 2 weeks'' type stuff everyone talks about.
My attempt at recovery almost cost me my bloody life. I literally started to say my farewells to people, gone out of my way to see very old friends etc.
I've never been that much of a goner. I survived somehow... honestly maybe I should have just done it when I had the chance but... oh well.
Honestly it's just... all over for me. It's been a decade man... I'm sick of analyzing myself, I'm sick of going ''Maybe it's because I think this way, maybe it's because I think that way". It's how it's been my entire life, I've just been searching for some problem inside my head since forever ago... and I'm done with it.
Right now I cannot go to school, cannot go to work, have absolutely no hobbies... hell I cannot even play video games like I used to. And I cannot even seek treatment anymore because I'm completely burnt out, I cannot speak to therapists anymore, I just silently stare down at the floor. I also cannot bring myself to swallow anymore pills either. So what's left for me to do? Fucking stay in my room with my mother taking care of me and slowly rot away.
What a life, huh... I've fought so hard my entire youth... only to come to this conclusion...
All the idiots thinking everything depends on me or that I can achieve anything if I fight hard enough were wrong. Everything depends on luck, depends on opportunities. That's just how it is. It's only normal for people that got lucky to assume it was because of their efforts and not because of luck.
If only I was as ignorant as them, maybe I would've been a bit happier...
Feel free to ignore, feel free to read. Whatever you do, I appreciate you being here.
Have a nice day.
Well... here we are again. Another attempt at recovery, gone to complete shit.
I decided to see a psychiatrist after a long break because I kept having these nervous breakdowns every night back to back for like one or two weeks. Besides, I never stop thinking about getting better, dreaming about getting better. So I decided it was about time I gave it another shot.
Wouldn't you know it... I got infinitely worse. I don't know how this happens but... I tried countless medications and every single time I just got so much worse. My depression got worse, my anxiety got worse, my nervous breakdowns/panic attacks got a lot more severe and frequent and worst of all, I've never been this bloody suicidal in my life. Oh and if anyone asks, yes I do always take the said medications for at least a month so it's not the ''It can make you feel bad for the first 2 weeks'' type stuff everyone talks about.
My attempt at recovery almost cost me my bloody life. I literally started to say my farewells to people, gone out of my way to see very old friends etc.
I've never been that much of a goner. I survived somehow... honestly maybe I should have just done it when I had the chance but... oh well.
Honestly it's just... all over for me. It's been a decade man... I'm sick of analyzing myself, I'm sick of going ''Maybe it's because I think this way, maybe it's because I think that way". It's how it's been my entire life, I've just been searching for some problem inside my head since forever ago... and I'm done with it.
Right now I cannot go to school, cannot go to work, have absolutely no hobbies... hell I cannot even play video games like I used to. And I cannot even seek treatment anymore because I'm completely burnt out, I cannot speak to therapists anymore, I just silently stare down at the floor. I also cannot bring myself to swallow anymore pills either. So what's left for me to do? Fucking stay in my room with my mother taking care of me and slowly rot away.
What a life, huh... I've fought so hard my entire youth... only to come to this conclusion...
All the idiots thinking everything depends on me or that I can achieve anything if I fight hard enough were wrong. Everything depends on luck, depends on opportunities. That's just how it is. It's only normal for people that got lucky to assume it was because of their efforts and not because of luck.
If only I was as ignorant as them, maybe I would've been a bit happier...
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