Discussion Vipassana - is it possible to have equanimity while viewing your own depression

[LittleJem]

My boyfriend, who is really tired out by my depression for sure, was mentioning Vipassana to me - when you sit for 10 days. When I tried to do Vipassana, I couldn't sit in meditation with any equanimity. I just felt low and miserable, anxious and agitated, and actually even angry too. The teachers of Vipassana kept pulling me in, and I said to them, I don't know how to have equanimity. They didn't know what to say or how to teach it. They met it with silence ;)

My question is - or my thought is, that is it just impossible for those of us with mental illness to sit in equanimity, as our mood has no calm in it?
A second question is - how is it possible to sit with any calm or acceptance of my constant suicidal thoughts, when I feel constant misery as my mood, and also feel fear in response to my own desire to die.

I hope these questions make sense, and if anyone has any similar on the same theme, please post them too - or any meditation techniques or experiences to share. I used to feel great sometimes when I meditated, and all of that has gone for me.

 

[Epsilon0]

Question number 1

No, it is not impossible to achieve a state of mental equilibrium in the midst of suffering, anxiety or depression. I speak from experience, when I say that you can quiet your mind, but it takes a lot (A LOT) of practice. You can't just sit down with your legs crossed and do it. It might help you to try guided meditation and see how that goes.

Vipassana is suitable for people who have practised meditation before, less so for beginners.



Question number 2

It varies from individual to individual. For some people it helps to focus on the breathing, for others it helps to imagine the sea and the waves coming and going. Once again, you have to do your homework, so to speak. Try various relaxation and meditation techniques and see which one works for you. Maybe none of then work, but... that's life.