Discussion Victim blaming

[Pizarnik]

Thoughts on making rape victims feel guilty af because they want to ctb?

 

[WornOutLife]

That sucks.
Nobody is guilty because of wanting to CTB. I would put that people away from me.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

As someone who has experienced rape, I think this is stupid, selfish and cruel. Society as a whole can agree that "rape is bad, sexual assault is bad" but then when you point out the statistics that 1 in 3 women and girls will experience some form of sexual assault by the age of 18 and about helf of the women who are killed worldwide are murdered by partners or family. If we were to take these numbers and tally them up we'd get a whole lot of "men" who will never suffer as much as we do.

I get some people are able to recover (or at least not spiral as low as coming onto SS) and some aren't. But the same phrases and energy people use to guilt survivors into not being depressed or feeling suicidal would be better spent, idk, helping us recover?? How is it there are so many people who "feel for" victims of SA and "frat douche Kyle" can get a 6 month jail sentence after raping a girl because they don't want to ruin HIS life.

If people really cared, they'd do something about the rape culture that's been created, teach guys not to rape (because apparently that must be done??) and actually hold the ones who do accountable- give him the suffering of his victim, put it on the news and I bet SA numbers would fall drastically... sorry about that rant. I didn't sleep last night or today and am a little cranky.

Actually, not sorry for the rant. I said what I said. It's the truth. Society would be a better place if we acknowledged this more often.

 

[Meditation guide]

When you have a world leader who was recorded bragging about being able to freely sexually assault women, and people voted for him anyway, there is a long way to go. Not to mention a Supreme Court judge appointed by the same sexual predator who also is a accused of sexual assault by someone very credible. Sexual assault among the upper class boys of the area he grew up in is the norm.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

As a victim/survior myself Im obviously angered and disgusted at any guilting or shaming

BUT(and this may be personal rant territory)


Personlly... to me is a little fishy and kinda confusing how people start to care SO MUCH once the assault is sexual.



It's like suddenly its valid. Suddenly there are all these resources and its like???

Im so glad that its taken seriously but it shouldn't take something as severe sexual assault for people to get offered adequate help/support.

In my personal experience I wasn't being offered/ there wasn't any suitable/fitting supports until I started to talk about sexual assault and being trafficked... which didnt happen till I was 20/21. (Im 22)
So wayyyyy too late.

 

[Nymph]

No one should be blamed that they wanna ctb. Did this happen recently to you? What happened? Any reason for ctb is valid cause life just sucks

 

[Meditation guide]

When you think of how most sexual assaults are never reported you can see it's probably a lot more than just one in three women. Those are just the ones who tell people about it.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I'm not sure if I understand.

 

[Pizarnik]

No one should be blamed that they wanna ctb. Did this happen recently to you? What happened? Any reason for ctb is valid cause life just sucks

Yes, I'm rape victim. I experienced sexual assault when I was like 8, it happened so many times but I never told anyone. Then, a year ago I was raped and as a consequence I turned out to be pregnant, but by the time I found out, ny mom did it as well. She didn't allow me to get an abortion (abortion is illegal where I live), and now I live with a daily reminder of what happened on that day. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed nor guilty, but people around me act like if nothing happened, they pretend to care but it's obvious they don't.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want everything to end, but I can't help to feel guilty about ctb, no one around me seems to understand and they make feel so guilty.
I'm sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk about this and I needed to get this off my chest.
I appreciate your comment, no one should be blamed for ctb.

 

[ZardozOmega]

Yes, I'm rape victim. I experienced sexual assault when I was like 8, it happened so many times but I never told anyone. Then, a year ago I was raped and as a consequence I turned out to be pregnant, but by the time I found out, ny mom did it as well. She didn't allow me to get an abortion (abortion is illegal where I live), and now I live with a daily reminder of what happened on that day. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed nor guilty, but people around me act like if nothing happened, they pretend to care but it's obvious they don't.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want everything to end, but I can't help to feel guilty about ctb, no one around me seems to understand and they make feel so guilty.
I'm sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk about this and I needed to get this off my chest.
I appreciate your comment, no one should be blamed for ctb.

illegal even when it comes to rape?

 

[Nymph]

Yes, I'm rape victim. I experienced sexual assault when I was like 8, it happened so many times but I never told anyone. Then, a year ago I was raped and as a consequence I turned out to be pregnant, but by the time I found out, ny mom did it as well. She didn't allow me to get an abortion (abortion is illegal where I live), and now I live with a daily reminder of what happened on that day. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed nor guilty, but people around me act like if nothing happened, they pretend to care but it's obvious they don't.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want everything to end, but I can't help to feel guilty about ctb, no one around me seems to understand and they make feel so guilty.
I'm sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk about this and I needed to get this off my chest.
I appreciate your comment, no one should be blamed for ctb.

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely terrible

 

[Tsohumgi]

Yes, I'm rape victim. I experienced sexual assault when I was like 8, it happened so many times but I never told anyone. Then, a year ago I was raped and as a consequence I turned out to be pregnant, but by the time I found out, ny mom did it as well. She didn't allow me to get an abortion (abortion is illegal where I live), and now I live with a daily reminder of what happened on that day. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed nor guilty, but people around me act like if nothing happened, they pretend to care but it's obvious they don't.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want everything to end, but I can't help to feel guilty about ctb, no one around me seems to understand and they make feel so guilty.
I'm sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk about this and I needed to get this off my chest.
I appreciate your comment, no one should be blamed for ctb.

Have you considered letting the child be raised by adoptive parents who won't know how the child was conceived?

 

[Pizarnik]

illegal even when it comes to rape?

In some states it is completely illegal, there is only one state in the whole country where abortion is legal, but it is quite expensive and I was completely broke. I was feeling so lost that I ended up at my family's mercy.

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely terrible

Thanks for reading me, it makes feel heard.

Have you considered letting the child be raised by adoptive parents who won't know how the child was conceived?

I have, but rn my mom is helping me with that, it's obvious that she wants to keep it but it hurts me. She wouldn't let me do it. I know it's my choice but I'm so confused.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

Yes, I'm rape victim. I experienced sexual assault when I was like 8, it happened so many times but I never told anyone. Then, a year ago I was raped and as a consequence I turned out to be pregnant, but by the time I found out, ny mom did it as well. She didn't allow me to get an abortion (abortion is illegal where I live), and now I live with a daily reminder of what happened on that day. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed nor guilty, but people around me act like if nothing happened, they pretend to care but it's obvious they don't.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want everything to end, but I can't help to feel guilty about ctb, no one around me seems to understand and they make feel so guilty.
I'm sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk about this and I needed to get this off my chest.
I appreciate your comment, no one should be blamed for ctb.

It's terrible someone would do that to you. You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty of, you had no choice in any of this. The blame belongs to the men who don't understand consent and people who know the situation but don't help. I wish there was some magical way to grant you a clear mind, I know you already have the strength to overcome it.

 

[Intotheflames]

Reading this thread makes me furious. No victims deserve to be shamed whatsoever. All of you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. None of you deserve to go through what happened.

I always think sexual assault is an unforgivable crime, much more than killing. All other crimes can be justified under certain circumstances, stealing because you need to feed your family, killing because of self defence. But there is none justification for sexual assault, the actor is simply an animalistic monster.

I am so sorry of what happened to all of you. You have rights to take whatever time needed to heal, and if you struggle that is completely normal and understandable. If you choose to ctb, that's completely within you rights. Those make you feel guilty are hypocrites, it's your life, you can leave your way.

 

[NodusTollens]

I can't even fathom how people are so quick to find fault in everyone & everything BUT the person who caused the SA. As a survivor, people who victim blame make me sick.

 

[Weary Soul]

Negatively labeling a rape victim or any victim for that matter on how they choose to deal with abuse, is just compounding the abuse the person has already suffered.

IMO, it is rape of the mind.

I really do not like the word victim - to me it implies weakness, and there is nothing weak about someone who has survived rape or other abuse.

Similarly, and this may sound odd, I do not like the phrase that one is not a victim but a survivor. Of course someone who lives after being abused is a survivor. So is a drunk driver who kills a family and walks away without an injury.

The phrase that one is not a victim but a survior irks me. It may have initially been used to move away from describing someone as a victim and to engender a positive self-image after being abused, But now? I feel the phrase is overused and condescending when true empathy towards a person who has suffered so deeply may be a much better way to handle such a painful experience.

Personally, I would rather hear someone say - yes, you were attacked by an inhuman monster and have suffered a terrible injury. I am here if you want to talk about it or just want someone to listen. I will help in any way I can in the hopes that you can get past what was done to you.

I think our society is way too hung up on labels (just my opinion).

And yes, I was raped as well.

 

[Toonloon]

The people who judge and force their opinions on victims usually never suffered in the same way. They never felt the shame, the humiliation,the fear,the guilt,the isolation,the absolute agony of being prey to a predator.

Ctb is common among rape victims. It's a fact few people talk about just like rape and sexual assault in general. But also in both cases people react horribly cause they can't handle what their hearing. Most people live their lives without hearing someone say they experienced sexual assault and are feeling suicidal. So to add both is a double blow and ppl react like huge assholes.

I'm sorry you suffered. N as for your mom forcing you to keep the baby. You are the one giving birth not her. You can look into adoption options yourself. You tell the agency how the pregnancy occured they can help you with resources i.e possible housing if your mom threatens to toss you out for looking into adoption.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

That's awful.
I hate when they blame rape victims for the rape too. "What was she wearing?" "Look at the sexy photos in her social media" "She asked for it".
Hate it hate it hate it

 

[Pookie]

To me, victim blamers are just as bad as homophobes, racists etc. It's despicable. I once told a woman that I've been assaulted a few times and she said "What's wrong with you, why are you a magnet for them?" And she was a probation officer working with ex-offenders of all things.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Instead of making the victims of rape (or any horrific act) feel guilty for wanting to CTB how about making the attackers feel guilty instead; considering that it is them who push the victim into ending their own lives, because of the trauma that they put their victim(s) through.

It is interesting how society (in general) argues that suicide is wrong because it "affects" those around the person that commits suicide, but no one ever thinks about what they could have done that might have affected the suicidal person while they were alive - in the first place. It is very one-sided.

 

[Weary Soul]

Along these same lines, I once told someone that bodies are natural, we all have them (well at least hopefully - ) and that I and others should be able to walk naked down a street without fear of being assaulted or arrested. (Not that I particularly want to, but we should have the right to do so without fear of being assaulted or worse).

I do not know why our society forces this false ideal to such an extent that being naked is considered indecent.

It is nothing of the sort.

I mean men are allowed to go shirtless in society why is it wrong for me to do the same, are boobs that scary?

Even breast feeding in public is frowned upon in my country; poor babies who have to go hungry because to show a boob or a natural function like breast feeding is considered indecent.

If a person cannot control their hormones or themselves, then I have no problems saying that society should enforce that control for them, in very strict ways, for the safety of others.

Bit of a rant here, but I find this mindset just another illogical norm and frankly appalling.

 

[Water-Lily]

As someone who has experienced rape, I think this is stupid, selfish and cruel. Society as a whole can agree that "rape is bad, sexual assault is bad" but then when you point out the statistics that 1 in 3 women and girls will experience some form of sexual assault by the age of 18 and about helf of the women who are killed worldwide are murdered by partners or family. If we were to take these numbers and tally them up we'd get a whole lot of "men" who will never suffer as much as we do.

I get some people are able to recover (or at least not spiral as low as coming onto SS) and some aren't. But the same phrases and energy people use to guilt survivors into not being depressed or feeling suicidal would be better spent, idk, helping us recover?? How is it there are so many people who "feel for" victims of SA and "frat douche Kyle" can get a 6 month jail sentence after raping a girl because they don't want to ruin HIS life.

If people really cared, they'd do something about the rape culture that's been created, teach guys not to rape (because apparently that must be done??) and actually hold the ones who do accountable- give him the suffering of his victim, put it on the news and I bet SA numbers would fall drastically... sorry about that rant. I didn't sleep last night or today and am a little cranky.

Actually, not sorry for the rant. I said what I said. It's the truth. Society would be a better place if we acknowledged this more often.

My heart breaks. I was sexually assaulted a few times so I know what that does. In a way I hate how people say "c'mon fight back show them who you are, live!" Like why is suicide so wrong? Suicide isn't making the other party win, you're doing it because you want to escape the pain. And thats ok.