As I'm reading through posts, I find myself envious over those who have managed to CTB. It feels like I'm not even deserving of dying because my life hasn't been what people would consider "bad". I have an education, a well paying job, a boyfriend, a house, a pup, a car, so what the fuck is my problem?! I know that's not how it works, but still. This is where the cycle starts, I feel guilty that I wish to die when many others would kill for the life I have, this makes me want to die more because I can't appreciate what others would love to have. I wish I could gift my life to someone who deserves it.
I have bpd too and have a mom that loves me and friends who care for me. But I get this same feeling too I feel like I cant do it anymore. I also have dogs who care about me. Its hard just leaving all those people behind knowing that they will feel pain.
BPD is a pain in the ass. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have to fight my brain every day of my life.
I know right I dont know if you suffer with this but its the constant of letting people down that hurts me the most. Sorry for my horrible grammar. But sometimes I just feel absolutely hopeless. Also the constant self hatred.
I hear ya, I completely get it. I suffer with all of that too. Hopelessness and self hatred are definitely at the top. I'm always feeling like a burden and that everything is pointless.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,187
You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to leave this life behind. After all, none of us asked to be here in the first place anyway, it isn't as though we have any obligations to stay in this world. I've always also envied those who have managed to ctb as they are free from everything. Under no circumstances could I ever want to exist in this world.
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