![LostSoul1609](/data/avatars/l/26/26781.jpg?1620551365)
LostSoul1609
Experienced
- Mar 9, 2021
- 245
Still here... after all this time of wanting to die and recovering. I tried to fix my life for the last three years but nothing changed.
I'm still heavily scarred by my past and it won't get better and everytime I think about it it makes me want to die. I can't manage to see a positive future ahead of me, yes I do have some positive things in life, a stable job I don't like but still gives me money, some achievements, a healthy body, some passions and goals. I still can't pursue all this thing. I'm basically held in a toxic home into a life where all the important decisions weren't on me. It makes me feel powerless. I want to die everyday and yet I sometimes back out, I tell myself that it's fixable because I'm scared of what comes afterwards, I'm scared of meeting death empty handed. I don't want to scar the few people who were good to me.
I just need a small spark of happiness, just once, then I can live until old age I guess.
I'm still heavily scarred by my past and it won't get better and everytime I think about it it makes me want to die. I can't manage to see a positive future ahead of me, yes I do have some positive things in life, a stable job I don't like but still gives me money, some achievements, a healthy body, some passions and goals. I still can't pursue all this thing. I'm basically held in a toxic home into a life where all the important decisions weren't on me. It makes me feel powerless. I want to die everyday and yet I sometimes back out, I tell myself that it's fixable because I'm scared of what comes afterwards, I'm scared of meeting death empty handed. I don't want to scar the few people who were good to me.
I just need a small spark of happiness, just once, then I can live until old age I guess.