Venting

[setspiritfree]

My wife just changed her profile picture with me off it. That hurts. I loved and still do love her. I shouldn't be surprised. I relapsed on drugs which she hates. It appears that I have abandoned her and my family and not looking for help. And in a sense I guess that is true. I don't know if people realize just how close I am to ending it. That right now is the only help I am searching for is to end it once and for all. For everyone. Will it hurt them? Yes. Do I wish it were different? Yes. But it is not. The realization that I have lost her is just one more reason to take that final step. She deserves better than what I gave her anyway. When I was clean and when we first met I was all those things she wanted but I let the old man back in and he ain't pretty. I just hope I haven't ruined her from trusting someone else with her heart because she has the most beautiful heart and deserves the very best life has to offer.