[venting] "yeah yeah yeah I got a problem"

[Life_and_Death]

But I don't want to let it go.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Why not? I guess you have valid reasons and you will maybe let go when its time. I remember being told I had a problem and being told that what i was thinking and feeling was wrong. I told them to fuck off. I'll come to my acceptance and understanding in my own time. Lets face it, there is no other way of doing it; if you buy into someone else's narrative before you are ready, that wastes everyone's time and only leads to harm. Everything has it's time.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Why not?

No good reason outside of addiction. It doesn't hurt my outside life for the most part but internally it makes my disorders worse and I know it's doing me no good.

I remember being told I had a problem and being told that what i was thinking and feeling was wrong.

If it's not too personal may I ask what problem? In my opinion to even say someone's thinking and feelings are wrong is wrong. They think and feel that way for a reason. It's one thing to say it's unhealthy it's another to say it's wrong. Wrong is just hurtful and mean.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No good reason outside of addiction. It doesn't hurt my outside life for the most part but internally it makes my disorders worse and I know it's doing me no good.



If it's not too personal may I ask what problem? In my opinion to even say someone's thinking and feelings are wrong is wrong. They think and feel that way for a reason. It's one thing to say it's unhealthy it's another to say it's wrong. Wrong is just hurtful and mean.

I have various un-diagnosed issues including severe constipation and having to urinate every 20-30 minutes during much of the day and also a troubling amount at night (regardless of how much I drink). Not just frequency, but volume.
The doctors told me it was all mental health related. I insisted that the MH issues were down to not being listened to and being told it was all down to mental health.
I told them of my history of alcohol abuse and crap diet and that I believed these things had caught up with me. That MH certainly played a part but was not a causal factor.
They would have none of it and wanted me on SSRIs.
I refused because i believed they would worsen any pathology and mask any issues i actually needed to figure out. They told me I was delusional and convinced my brother and sister of it, who then bullied me out of my home to get their share of it (inherited family home).
I paid my brother and sister to stay awake in shifts one night to record how much I had to go to the toilet. They were reluctant, but humoured me. In the morning they called the doctor and said, no he's right, he's not delusional, there is something wrong.
So I actually had recorded evidence, but they still ignored it and accused me of 'not engaging' (which meant refusing to take medication) and did their best to get me 'voluntarily admitted.' I didn't fall for that one.
I did actually engage and when I was really physically suffering after almost a month without a bowel movement and up ALL night going to the toilet, with less than an hour's sleep for six months, I asked for a care needs assessment from my case worker who was a social worker, so it was his exact thing. They kept saying that was a great idea, but it never emerged despite my repeated attempts to get them to offer some actual practical help. Not engaging, my arse.
Haven't heard from them since and that was over a year ago.
Still, the plague being in town didn't help.

NB. I have been offered certain tests, but at the time I was beset with hideous anxiety over having my symptoms marginalised that 1) I was in no fit state to have such invasive tests done 2) I'm not surprised I was diagnosed as delusional. I wasn't, just panicking, but it certainly didn't help matters. No one listens to someone who in under the influence of un-managed anxiety.
What was ironic is that it was precisely them not taking me seriously that put me in such a non-functional mental state. Now I've been out from under their influence, I come to realise many things and have been stable to the point that my sister now frequently asks me for advice on things. LOL now they believe me.
Now I am ready to attempt the tests, now I don't have their insidious agenda-laden voices trying to re-write my narrative to suit their own confirmation bias.
Ironically, it's not going to happen due to the NHS being on the verge of collapse.

Sorry /rant, but ya did ask

 

[k75]

I have various un-diagnosed issues including severe constipation and having to urinate every 20-30 minutes during much of the day and also a troubling amount at night (regardless of how much I drink). Not just frequency, but volume.

Sorry for the stupid and obvious question, but have you ever been tested for diabetes? The higher your glucose levels, the more you have to pee regardless of how much you drink. It can be constant and excessive and is really taxing on your kidneys, which are working overtime to try to flush out the excess sugar.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sorry for the stupid and obvious question, but have you ever been tested for diabetes? The higher your glucose levels, the more you have to pee regardless of how much you drink. It can be constant and excessive and is really taxing on your kidneys, which are working overtime to try to flush out the excess sugar.

Yes. It was one of the first tests I had and my blood sugars are consistently normal.
However, I've not discounted the possibility that I may have indolent/sub-clinical diabetes expressed as insulin resistance. It's more common than you might think.
I saw a private tertiary care specialist who wanted me to have a five hour glucose tolerance test for this, but in trying to get my care referred back to the NHS I had to see a secondary care endocrinologist who refused to give me the test.
He offered me a test for diabetes insipidus instead, which is 8 hours without fluid and samples taken. I said, okay, but that's a punishing test and I'd like to have the indolent diabetes diagnosis ruled out first with the 5 hour GTT, or I might get a false positive. He refused.
I need to go back to the tertiary care chap, but with the virus in town that's not going to happen for the foreseeable future. I've studied this and I believe it's important to have the right diagnostics in the correct order.

If things ever approach normal again, I have a plan to get back on this horse again and fight my corner. I intend to be more diplomatic and understanding of the doctors. My previous anxiety and pushing/bullying tactics previously did me no favours. Right now though, there is no point.
I am however, going to do my own 5 hour tolerance test with a home monitor. Not clinically viable by any means, but might give me some indication. I can also do the standard 3 day fluid in/urine out record to have some data to present too.

 

[k75]

Yes. It was one of the first tests I had and my blood sugars are consistently normal.
However, I've not discounted the possibility that I may have indolent/sub-clinical diabetes expressed as insulin resistance. It's more common than you might think.
I saw a private tertiary care specialist who wanted me to have a five hour glucose tolerance test for this, but in trying to get my care referred back to the NHS I had to see a secondary care endocrinologist who refused to give me the test.
He offered me a test for diabetes insipidus instead, which is 8 hours without fluid and samples taken. I said, okay, but that's a punishing test and I'd like to have the indolent diabetes diagnosis ruled out first with the 5 hour GTT, or I might get a false positive. He refused.
I need to go back to the tertiary care chap, but with the virus in town that's not going to happen for the foreseeable future. I've studied this and I believe it's important to have the right diagnostics in the correct order.

If things ever approach normal again, I have a plan to get back on this horse again and fight my corner. I intend to be more diplomatic and understanding of the doctors. My previous anxiety and pushing/bullying tactics previously did me no favours. Right now though, there is no point.
I am however, going to do my own 5 hour tolerance test with a home monitor. Not clinically viable by any means, but might give me some indication. I can also do the standard 3 day fluid in/urine out record to have some data to present too.

I figured you probably had, but I wanted to throw it out there just in case. How about thyroid levels? An imbalance of those hormones can actually cause extreme constipation.

Sorry. I was just thinking how I didn't know these diseases had side effects like this until I got sick and had to deal with them. The human body is so frustrating.

I hope you're able to get the answers you need. It seems a lot harder to get proper testing where you are.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thyroid function is fine, all other basic tests come out fine. That's why they brush it off as a MH issue. I'm sure that does influence it, the gut/brain axis, but I'd be amazed if I got away with 30 years of crap diet and alcohol abuse without some organic pathology, which would indicate the cause is physiological rather than psychosomatic.
My diet is now pretty good, I have delicate balance of medication with carefully considered supplementation, probiotic/prebiotic mix. All self-prescribed.
I've come a long way from when I asked the doctor if this was going to kill me and he nodded and turned away. I still have a long way to go and it will at some point get worse.
I have to be realistic and clever and work with the flawed system rather than expect it to be something it's not.
Yeah, it's not easy being long term ill by any means. I look okay, but I have to go through a 4-5 hour regime every morning to get to that point, and the nights can be awful.
I'm grateful for the small mercies I have had and for the things I've learned along the way.

 

[k75]

I've come a long way from when I asked the doctor if this was going to kill me and he nodded and turned away. I still have a long way to go and it will at some point get worse.

Seriously??? At minimum, compassion should be a requirement for anyone in any of the health fields.

I'll stop with the dumb questions now. I wish both of you luck.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I started to do better when I stopped with the addictions. Mostly nicotine. Breaking them is hard but worth it a couple months down the line. Not drinking alcohol killed my social life though. But I never really had one to begin with.

A good rule is that it takes 3 days to deal with the physical symptoms and things get better after that

 

[Life_and_Death]

I started to do better when I stopped with the addictions. Mostly nicotine. Breaking them is hard but worth it a couple months down the line. Not drinking alcohol killed my social life though. But I never really had one to begin with.

A good rule is that it takes 3 days to deal with the physical symptoms and things get better after that

ive been off it 1-2 weeks in the past and it didnt feel any better

 

[WhiteDespair]

ive been off it 1-2 weeks in the past and it didnt feel any better

It took a few months before I really could see the positive effects.

I think the psychological effects of addiction can take 2 weeks to a month or so to subside. I've been off nicotine since July and I can say that I have improved.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It took a few months before I really could see the positive effects.

I think the psychological effects of addiction can take 2 weeks to a month or so to subside. I've been off nicotine since July and I can say that I have improved.

i was lucky i even went the 2 weeks i did . the last time i tried was back in april for my friends bday because he doesnt like me smoking up but i failed...i was suppose to go for a month

 

[WhiteDespair]

i was lucky i even went the 2 weeks i did . the last time i tried was back in april for my friends bday because he doesnt like me smoking up but i failed...i was suppose to go for a month

You can always try and try again. But you have to do it for yourself. You have to have your reasons for stopping and continuing to stop.

The amount of time and money and pain I went through to get this far is astounding. It took a while so I won't say it was easy but it was worth it.

Being off for 2 weeks is an accomplishment. You at least showed you're strong enough to do that.

Good job.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You have to have your reasons for stopping and continuing to stop.

i dont seem to have any reasons that are good enough for me to quit

 

[WhiteDespair]

i dont seem to have any reasons that are good enough for me to quit

You'll find them if and when you look for them. If it's weed that's not too bad. Other stuff can become problems. People say you need to hit rock bottom. It's kinda a lie. Your rock bottom could be anything. I stopped drinking when I almost didn't make it home. It was a soft CtB attempt. You can just get tired of it. If you find reasons cherish them because they're tough to get and you worked hard to get them.

 

[Life_and_Death]

If it's weed that's not too bad.

Is marijuana addictive? | NIDA Archives

Marijuana use can lead to the development of problem use, known as a marijuana use disorder, which takes the form of addiction in severe cases.

www.drugabuse.gov

oh top of this, medication stuff seems to effect me differently then most. (ive watched this type of thing happen with several different things. antipsychotics, OTC lactose supplement and weed) i tried 3 antipsychotics each having the worst side effect possible (that i know about. lets just say my days were not productive)the doctor himself even saying im sensitive to medication. the lactose supplement infers it only works for an hour or 2 but i can have milk for up to 3 days after. the weed, this has to be the most confusing one. im a major light weight. the most ive had is 3 joints in one day but its typically 1-2 that i smoke throughout the day taking a couple puffs here and there (unless im in a bad state then i smoke as much as i can before it hits) of course it also doesnt take me long to grow a tolerance to it. right now im at a point where it does nothing for me. between it doing nothing for me at times and making everything worse no matter what and this cough i now have because of it....i have nothing but reasons to quit and i still cant.

 

[sufferingalways]

I have various un-diagnosed issues including severe constipation and having to urinate every 20-30 minutes during much of the day and also a troubling amount at night (regardless of how much I drink). Not just frequency, but volume.
The doctors told me it was all mental health related. I insisted that the MH issues were down to not being listened to and being told it was all down to mental health.
I told them of my history of alcohol abuse and crap diet and that I believed these things had caught up with me. That MH certainly played a part but was not a causal factor.
They would have none of it and wanted me on SSRIs.
I refused because i believed they would worsen any pathology and mask any issues i actually needed to figure out. They told me I was delusional and convinced my brother and sister of it, who then bullied me out of my home to get their share of it (inherited family home).
I paid my brother and sister to stay awake in shifts one night to record how much I had to go to the toilet. They were reluctant, but humoured me. In the morning they called the doctor and said, no he's right, he's not delusional, there is something wrong.
So I actually had recorded evidence, but they still ignored it and accused me of 'not engaging' (which meant refusing to take medication) and did their best to get me 'voluntarily admitted.' I didn't fall for that one.
I did actually engage and when I was really physically suffering after almost a month without a bowel movement and up ALL night going to the toilet, with less than an hour's sleep for six months, I asked for a care needs assessment from my case worker who was a social worker, so it was his exact thing. They kept saying that was a great idea, but it never emerged despite my repeated attempts to get them to offer some actual practical help. Not engaging, my arse.
Haven't heard from them since and that was over a year ago.
Still, the plague being in town didn't help.

NB. I have been offered certain tests, but at the time I was beset with hideous anxiety over having my symptoms marginalised that 1) I was in no fit state to have such invasive tests done 2) I'm not surprised I was diagnosed as delusional. I wasn't, just panicking, but it certainly didn't help matters. No one listens to someone who in under the influence of un-managed anxiety.
What was ironic is that it was precisely them not taking me seriously that put me in such a non-functional mental state. Now I've been out from under their influence, I come to realise many things and have been stable to the point that my sister now frequently asks me for advice on things. LOL now they believe me.
Now I am ready to attempt the tests, now I don't have their insidious agenda-laden voices trying to re-write my narrative to suit their own confirmation bias.
Ironically, it's not going to happen due to the NHS being on the verge of collapse.

Sorry /rant, but ya did ask

When I read certain parts of your message I could hear Dr Charles' voice (Chicago Med tv show )

I appreciate your points too, ditto some NHS bull shite that I've been told "not engaging " over my case was when Care Coordinator lies about supporting me at A meeting then wrote that I "didn't engage" any further after that.

These buffoons live in an alternate universe don't they? No concept of the real world
Claim we are the delusional ones..
yeah right and there's fairies in the garden who do my housework for me.. where's that poo emoji?

 

[WhiteDespair]

Is marijuana addictive? | NIDA Archives

Marijuana use can lead to the development of problem use, known as a marijuana use disorder, which takes the form of addiction in severe cases.

www.drugabuse.gov

oh top of this, medication stuff seems to effect me differently then most. (ive watched this type of thing happen with several different things. antipsychotics, OTC lactose supplement and weed) i tried 3 antipsychotics each having the worst side effect possible (that i know about. lets just say my days were not productive)the doctor himself even saying im sensitive to medication. the lactose supplement infers it only works for an hour or 2 but i can have milk for up to 3 days after. the weed, this has to be the most confusing one. im a major light weight. the most ive had is 3 joints in one day but its typically 1-2 that i smoke throughout the day taking a couple puffs here and there (unless im in a bad state then i smoke as much as i can before it hits) of course it also doesnt take me long to grow a tolerance to it. right now im at a point where it does nothing for me. between it doing nothing for me at times and making everything worse no matter what and this cough i now have because of it....i have nothing but reasons to quit and i still cant.

Yeah, you do sound like things affect you differently. The doc might be right in that you're overly sensitive.

One of the best reasons I've had to quit stuff is that it stopped affecting me. I know I had built up quite the tolerance when I smoked weed that I'd have to stop for a while just to feel something again.

You do have a few reasons to stop: cough and it's ineffective. You can go off of those. Part of this is that you use it as a coping mechanism - whether you meant to or not, I sure did - so you'll need to pick up other coping mechanisms. I played video games nonstop just to keep my mind off it and to transfer the coping mechanism to something better.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You do have a few reasons to stop: cough and it's ineffective. You can go off of those. Part of this is that you use it as a coping mechanism - whether you meant to or not, I sure did - so you'll need to pick up other coping mechanisms. I played video games nonstop just to keep my mind off it and to transfer the coping mechanism to something better.

yes but much like a smoker i find the physical aspect of it addicting to. i can be fine for a little bit just holding it in my mouth, completely forgetting its even there sometimes. the problem is sooner or later id light it. to replace try to replace it i would try the same thing smokers do with the vape only id use cbd juice (i need it anyway for my back) but the government sucks so they dont sell it here anymore.

what about 0% nic juice though?

 

[WhiteDespair]

yes but much like a smoker i find the physical aspect of it addicting to. i can be fine for a little bit just holding it in my mouth, completely forgetting its even there sometimes. the problem is sooner or later id light it. to replace try to replace it i would try the same thing smokers do with the vape only id use cbd juice (i need it anyway for my back) but the government sucks so they dont sell it here anymore.

what about 0% nic juice though?

Yeah, there is a ritual aspect to it. I had my ritual of coming home, setting up my vape (I knocked myself on my ass with nic salts regularly) and vaping until I couldn't move. That ritual is hard to break as well. I think I replaced it with video games at the start. You'd need to find another ritual. A lot of recovery from drugs is replacing bad behaviors and mental patterns. CBD might work if you can find it.

I found vaping CBD really messed with my throat. 0% nic juice doesn't have an appeal to me. At least it exists if I decide to try vaping again. But without the nicotine I didn't see the point.

 

[Life_and_Death]

But without the nicotine I didn't see the point.

for you, but i dont need the nicotine. i just need something to distract my brain. i can always try smoking carrot sticks lol

 

[WhiteDespair]

for you, but i dont need the nicotine. i just need something to distract my brain. i can always try smoking carrot sticks lol
View attachment 48686

That might just work lol

There has to be something out there that serves as a distraction. You just need to find it.

Carrot sticks are a good starting point.