L
LittleJem
Visionary
- Jul 3, 2019
- 2,511
I'm just going to vent because I can't think straight. I've been wanting to die for all of my adult life - it is now at least 20 years of wanting to die every day.
I'm becoming a recluse - I don't' want to see anyone and I'm not enjoying anything.
I hate my work because I'm being bullied and I have lost all motivation and am disillusioned.
I"m sitting here just staring into space/the screen and upset tummy and just feeling terrible.
I woke up this morning and said to my boyfriend I really want to die, and I want to die as soon as possible, and I don't want him upset and I want him to know it's what I want.
He says, what do you want. I want to be dead. I don't want to suffer anymore.
I am done with trying to get better - nothing is helping much, and even if I feel a bit better, I am still wanting to die and just wanting this suffering to be over.
I wish I could die on my birthday which is next month.
I can't think straight enough to plan my death, the moving house I need to do, or anything else. I"m just staring at this screen.
My methods are: possibly the Amitryptiline method - I bought that a while ago and have it. But it takes quite a long time, but maybe it is the best one. Or I would combine it with CO, but then I would need to be in a tent and not in a hotel and I am not sure how to ensure the CO method works in a tent, as you need to tape up the seams or something.
I have to tidy up, move house, raise a grievance at work - and I just don't have any motivation. All I want is to be dead and it's all I think about.
I wish I could find a partner to CTB with but I'm worried I will chicken out or let them down at the moment.
But I really want to be dead.
I'm becoming a recluse - I don't' want to see anyone and I'm not enjoying anything.
I hate my work because I'm being bullied and I have lost all motivation and am disillusioned.
I"m sitting here just staring into space/the screen and upset tummy and just feeling terrible.
I woke up this morning and said to my boyfriend I really want to die, and I want to die as soon as possible, and I don't want him upset and I want him to know it's what I want.
He says, what do you want. I want to be dead. I don't want to suffer anymore.
I am done with trying to get better - nothing is helping much, and even if I feel a bit better, I am still wanting to die and just wanting this suffering to be over.
I wish I could die on my birthday which is next month.
I can't think straight enough to plan my death, the moving house I need to do, or anything else. I"m just staring at this screen.
My methods are: possibly the Amitryptiline method - I bought that a while ago and have it. But it takes quite a long time, but maybe it is the best one. Or I would combine it with CO, but then I would need to be in a tent and not in a hotel and I am not sure how to ensure the CO method works in a tent, as you need to tape up the seams or something.
I have to tidy up, move house, raise a grievance at work - and I just don't have any motivation. All I want is to be dead and it's all I think about.
I wish I could find a partner to CTB with but I'm worried I will chicken out or let them down at the moment.
But I really want to be dead.