Venting venting - my dad suggesting I do one task a day - when I am bedridden with suicidal thoughts, and didn't eat yesterday

[LittleJem]

I have been bedridden for two days with suicidal thoughts and no motivation. Yesterday I did not leave my room to eat or to have a cup of tea. Nobody checked on me.

This morning I said to my dad would he like to go out for breakfast. He said he had tasks to do in the house, meditation - he reeled off a long list. Lucky you, I said, I've been bedridden for two days. I didn't eat yesterday.

My dad then said, how are you. I said, well I hate being bed ridden. Then his sage advice was, "why don't you just have one task you do a day."

They literally have no idea what it is like to feel like this. They think I can get up and do tasks.

I am also worried that if I tried a medication with more side effects, they would not be able to look after me. They expect me to be independent, when actually I am disabled.

In all honesty, I could probably take my amitryptiline at home (though I wouldn't do this, I will go camping or to a hotel) and they wouldn't fucking notice.

 

[Halo13]

I have been bedridden for two days with suicidal thoughts and no motivation. Yesterday I did not leave my room to eat or to have a cup of tea. Nobody checked on me.

This morning I said to my dad would he like to go out for breakfast. He said he had tasks to do in the house, meditation - he reeled off a long list. Lucky you, I said, I've been bedridden for two days. I didn't eat yesterday.

My dad then said, how are you. I said, well I hate being bed ridden. Then his sage advice was, "why don't you just have one task you do a day."

They literally have no idea what it is like to feel like this. They think I can get up and do tasks.

I am also worried that if I tried a medication with more side effects, they would not be able to look after me. They expect me to be independent, when actually I am disabled.

In all honesty, I could probably take my amitryptiline at home (though I wouldn't do this, I will go camping or to a hotel) and they wouldn't fucking notice.

That sounds awful and so insensitive. I can relate - many people in real life don't seem to get I can't just get up either. I'm sorry you feel this way. I also haven't ate in about a day, maybe it's time we try to? Hugs.

 

[LittleJem]

That sounds awful and so insensitive. I can relate - many people in real life don't seem to get I can't just get up either. I'm sorry you feel this way. I also haven't ate in about a day, maybe it's time we try to? Hugs.

Right back at you!

My dad (by his own admission) is autistic, but he is high functioning and he is not stupid.

 

[randomz]

I know how you feel. I personallly have been having severe depression and suicide thoughts for the past week but have to go to work. It's hell. I am sorry you are in this situation. However, I think what your father meant is that doing even one very simple thing could have a positive effect on your feelings. It's not necessary to be something huge or important. Even something like taking out the trash from your room, or even cleaning your email address of junk and spam emails could help you feel somewhat accomplished.

Hang in there. Depression will pass.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

I'm sorry you're so down in the dumps that getting out of bed feels like a chore. Heck, just breathing sometimes feels like it takes too much effort.

I do understand the feeling...but your dad's advice is not only well-intended but also solid. Setting small attainable goals for yourself each day will motivate you and give you a sense of accomplishment. I always make lists of everything I want/need to get done, and it does feel good to check them off one by one.

I'm confused about something you wrote. You asked your dad if he wanted to go out to breakfast with you. It would seem that if you have the energy to get up, get dressed, and go out to a restaurant to eat, you'd also be able to get out of bed and accomplish a small task.

I don't mean to make you feel any worse, but villainizing your dad isn't going to help your situation.

 

[Jean4]

Every single day I write a list out. It starts with take meds. Second, shower and brush teeth.
Yes. I am so bad, it was over a month and I didn't shower or brush my teeth.
May I suggest a list? If you can't do what is on your list, don't beat yourself up. Add it to tomorrow's list.
It has helped me.

 

[Egddios]

Every single day I write a list out. It starts with take meds. Second, shower and brush teeth.
Yes. I am so bad, it was over a month and I didn't shower or brush my teeth.
May I suggest a list? If you can't do what is on your list, don't beat yourself up. Add it to tomorrow's list.
It has helped me.

Well, you motivated me to get up and take my meds (it's a bit past 8 in the morning where I am), and you know what? After I have some coffee and a smoke, I'm taking a shower.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

@Jean4. Look at that! You've just recruited another "follower".

 

[Jean4]

Well, you motivated me to get up and take my meds (it's a bit past 8 in the morning where I am), and you know what? After I have some coffee and a smoke, I'm taking a shower.

That's amazing! Some days just taking your meds is an accomplishment. You have one accomplishment today. Try to make it 2! I post my list every day in the kitchen sink post and write when I complete something for accountability.

@Jean4. Look at that! You've just recruited another "follower".

It works for me. I can honestly say since I have been brushing my teeth (1x a day. Trying to increase it to 2), my gums have stopped bleeding. Those lists work!

 

[Egddios]

I'm sorry you're so down in the dumps that getting out of bed feels like a chore. Heck, just breathing sometimes feels like it takes too much effort.

I do understand the feeling...but your dad's advice is not only well-intended but also solid. Setting small attainable goals for yourself each day will motivate you and give you a sense of accomplishment. I always make lists of everything I want/need to get done, and it does feel good to check them off one by one.

I'm confused about something you wrote. You asked your dad if he wanted to go out to breakfast with you. It would seem that if you have the energy to get up, get dressed, and go out to a restaurant to eat, you'd also be able to get out of bed and accomplish a small task.

I don't mean to make you feel any worse, but villainizing your dad isn't going to help your situation.

I've felt a sort of resentment and/or anger, frustration towards my father when he asks me multiple times why I didn't make it to this appt, why don't you do this, or that, etc. Inside I'm like helloooo, I broke my fucking neck, have had multiple TBI's, I've been raped and I wish to die in my sleep. Why didn't I schedule my gyno surgical follow-up? Because I was recovering from ECT and couldn't remember the surgery. Ugh. At the same time, my father means well most of the time, and we don't live together anymore.

If I could really talk with him, I'd ask him to please do a little research on PTSD/MDD/Panic Disorder. When depression is severe and you're bedridden, considering suicide, the last thing anyone wants to hear is hey, try and do one task a day or go for a walk. The last therapist I saw tried having me squeeze a stress ball when I felt a panic attack coming on, which...annoyed me. Everything feels overwhelming, and well-meaning advice can feel out of touch.

The dark irony is of course, that if we were able to speak freely and openly discussed feelings of wanting to die, many of us would have some kind of relief. Understanding and empathy, love and kindness - they go a long way.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

That's amazing! Some days just taking your meds is an accomplishment. You have one accomplishment today. Try to make it 2! I post my list every day in the kitchen sink post and write when I complete something for accountability.

It works for me. I can honestly say since I have been brushing my teeth (1x a day. Trying to increase it to 2), my gums have stopped bleeding. Those lists work!

I'm a "list person" myself. I have a short one for each day, usually one for the business week, one for the weekend, one that says "must do soon" (which often gets ignored) and one "must do eventually" for stuff I'd like to get done at one point (like putting down laminate flooring that I bought on clearance 4 years ago...ugh).

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I sometimes write short lists on purpose, as a mind exercise. It feels great to have completed everything on my list.

 

[Nem]

I don't think that's too severe to be concerned about it, just make sure you drink something at least. Just be thankful you live at home with parents because imagine being on your own and having to go to work... I can tell you first hand that it's a complete nightmare. When I do have a day off I do not leave my room and if I had a week off I would be in my room for a week straight and eat literally nothing in a week.
Unless your parents are screaming at you to get out of bed etc I would be pretty content on the fact they are leaving me alone
Peace/hugs

 

[stellabelle]

I think normal people just don't know what to say or how to help.
cripping depression makes it difficult to get up, dressed, and even brush your hair. I think he meant well but doesn't understand how serious this really is. I know that isn't helpful. But maybe you'll find some stable feeling in the fact that others are suffering the same or worse and it's just how it is... normal people think popping a pill will fix this when it can't or won't.

 

[Nem]

I'm a bit confused, on your other post you mentioned that the suicidal thoughts are gone and on this post they are strong. Does your mood fluctuate perhaps many times during the day or is it constantly down with a few breaks in between?
peace/hugs

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I do that. I make a list, I try and do at least one thing on that list every day. Yesterday I changed the bedding and put washing on. Afterwards I was exhausted and during it I was in tears because it was so physically draining. It doesn't get any easier, especially being alone.
It IS really hard for others to understand and sometimes that's kind of not their fault, its just the way it is. I've gotten tired of trying to explain to people as i can't MAKE them listen. But you can kind of persuade them to listen if you are clever about it. But its not easy.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry people around you are making you feel so uncared for. It can be hard for people to really understand our position if they haven't been here themselves.

there are so many days I wish that I could just not function, but with three tiny humans depending on me I have a driving force like a wind that won't let me stop. I know without that obligation I would be in the exact same place you are. Sending you hugs and best wishes.