Posting my story publicly because maybe it's an interesting read for the people.
WARNING: Hella long
Longer than expected tbh lmao
I am 21 years old and I live in The Netherlands. I have a mother and a father who come from Suriname, moved to the Netherlands at a young age. Both my parents grew up poor.
My dad was the youngest child, had like approximately 10 brothers and sisters in total. He lost his parents at a young age. My momma grew up with a loving mother and an alcoholic father who would beat up his wife often. My momma also got raped by two of her cousins when she was merely 11.
My parents decided to marry young. I think my momma was 22 and my dad was 25. A year after their marriage they decided to have me. I don't think their relationship was romantic. Momma wanted to leave the house quick so she can live on her own. Dad was living with his sister, who had a husband and kids herself. I think because of social norm back in the day they decided to marry and move in together in rapid speed without getting their shit together.
Fast forward to a few years later. One night got hectic when my dad beat the shit out of my momma. I am not sure how old I was at the time, but in the meanwhile I got a sister and at the time she must've been like 3 or 4 years old.
Turns out my momma was talking to another man and my dad find out. Momma was lying in bed and dad was on top of her and just slapped her for what felt like ages. Momma even screamed "SativaKherifa, call the police!" at one point but my scared ass didn't do it because I was scared of my dad.
For years to come the relationship between my parents got worse and worse, and I didn't want to witness all of that. I spent most of my time behind the computer, which made me a gaming addict as a kid. But even as a kid I knew damn well that it wasn't addictive because I loved gaming too much, it was addictive because I wouldn't have to deal with my parent's shit.
This in return made me who I am today. I am a huge gamer and a nerd today. Currently taking classes in IT as well.
My parents are as of now divorced.
Skip to 13 years old, I was freshman year in middle school. My dad bought me a BlackBerry, which was the fucking shit at the time. This was the age where I had my first sexual experience, though that was with a woman who was in her mid 30's who we will call G for the next couple paragraphs. I met her talking to her at the bus stop near school, waiting to go home. She gave me her "Ping" because that was the nickname for your BlackBerry messenger ID. I didn't know at the time that I was basically a victim of pedophilia, looking back I was so goddamn dumb.
When we were talking thru messenger, I was convinced everything was just platonic. I wasn't attracted to this lady because, come on, she's like 20 years older than me. But this woman treated me like I was her own child. G had two sons, her eldest was the same age as me. G would one day invite me to her home and I went. She allowed to play with her son's stuff because had some amazing shit. He had a PS3, which I didn't at the time. I played games like mad.
I quickly considered G as a mother I always wanted. Till this motherfucking day I wish I had a mom who cared for me like G did, without the sex part ofcourse.
Fast forward few more years later, I was 15 and had to switch schools. Here's where I got bullied for 2 years straight. I took the bullying, pretended I didn't care, but I took the Bully's words home with me. The bullying I received was pretty much baseless, aside from the fact that I'm ugly as hell (or atleast was) and just not a socially strong person.
One day when I was 16, I genuinely had enough and just wanted to kill myself. I searched online for many ways on how to kill myself. I don't think this site existed back then. My school, conveniently, stood next to a train station. I thought this would be the way. I stood on the platform waiting for a train to come, so I can jump in front of it and take my own life.
I planned in my mind to jump in front of the first train to arrive. After a couple of minutes waiting a train came, but I didn't jump. Too scared, my human instincts (or whatever) just didnt allow me to jump. Repeat this for 2 following trains and then just decided to go home. After that I had therapy until I was 18.
Between that time and now, a lot happened. Like this is the part where I am supposed to be happy. I get an incredibly well paid job at such a young age. I got degrees and diplomas, ready to enter the job market. I have got lots of friends.
To this day I don't know why I want to kill myself. Life is just too empty and meaningless.
I have never known true love. I never had a girlfriend. I had G, but that would never work out.
I am not satisfied with how I look. I am obese. I do not have a very attractive face. I have a skin condition called Vitiligo which makes my face look even more like a trainwreck.
All I want is a "Start New Game" button IRL.
I hope the story makes a bit of sense. There are a lot of details missing because otherwise itd be too long lol
sheeeesh that's horrible
can't believe the lady did that, she had one job
that's rough to hear bro I hope u eventually get to vent safely
we're here any time you need someone, you're not alone 
