Venting venting again... teachers bully me

[DoNotLet2]

Emm, Hello, I mean I don't wanna die, but it doesn't make sense to live.
I'm 18.
No one in my real life cares about me I'm all alone... My teachers make me cry every day, they are bullying me.
I have Asperger's which makes making relationships with people impossible, which drives me crazy. I am an extrovert I can't shut up for much longer than a minute, but when I say something, people start to hate me! The only option is to shut up, I can't work on my social skills because I don't know how to. Psychologists/psychiatrists are not an option.
And I am not disabled, retarded whatever... Why does everyone think I am dumb? I just have 0 social skills. I have no trouble learning math, English, whatever. I hate my life. I don't wanna be an alone person labelled idiot. I wanna enjoy my life.
People say "everybody's got hard lives". No. Being healthy, having a good job, family, a few friends, isn't a hard life, just because you have to bring up 2 kids. If you can deal with problems you have I would consider it as a normal life.
I want to have a normal life - problems I can deal with myself.

Sorry for venting so often but I have a lot of to vent about.

 

[Reyki6667]

If I remember it's illegal for a teacher to bully or abuse students.
maybe record everything he says on paper or buy a discreet microphone, and once you enough proof of bullying made by student or /teacher, confront the school board director with it or the police after saving it on a sever.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Well I don't know, because it's not rare in Poland, as long as you don't touch the student, no one cares.

If I remember it's illegal for a teacher to bully or abuse students.
maybe record everything he says on paper or buy a discreet microphone, and once you enough proof of bullying made by student or /teacher, confront the school board director with it or the police after saving it on a sever.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I had to learn social skills and human relations.

A good place to start is to search for "how to tell when someone is <emotion>"

It's a little slow at first and you should be able to relate others' reactions to your speech/behavior.

 

[Jengator]

I don't know if this helps, but I was the same way when I was 18.
Some tips-
You can train yourself to be more introverted in situations where just listening is more appropriate.
Learn to see the beauty in listening and observing. Just listening and empathizing from that perspective can make you very likeable.
There is a book from Dale Carnegie called "How to win friends and influence people"
I highly recommend it.

 

[DoNotLet2]

But I wanna have this skills before I am so old I should have had grandchildren by now... I wanna live my youth or not live at all.

Yeah, I need to be more taciturn and listening but it's hard... I don't wanna feel empathy at all. People do not deserve me caring for them except for you guys of course.

 

[pain in my heart]

Always remember this, just because someone maybe in a position of authority, does not mean they're a good person. Your teachers are fucked up assholes who have no business being around kids and teenagers. You may be disadvantaged, but your heart is pure, forevermore compassionate than what they can ever be.

 

[DoNotLet2]

awww you're so nice <3 thanks

 

[WhiteDespair]

@DoNotLet2 you'd be surprised to find whom is worthy of empathy and compassion.

You'll want to start looking at emotional expressions so you can pay attention to when others are exhibiting them. You'll also want to learn how to be quiet and not talk. Kinda hard to do.

If you keep it up you'll be able to connect the physical reaction, to the emotion, to your behavior, to whatever. It's slower than normal people and it's better than nothing.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Or I will ctb, which is easy and simple if you can do the knot ofc.
Could you give me some resources?

 

[azucaramargo]

I hate my life. I don't wanna be an alone person labelled idiot. I wanna enjoy my life.

This is how I feel, too.

I had to learn social skills and human relations.

A good place to start is to search for "how to tell when someone is <emotion>"

It's a little slow at first and you should be able to relate others' reactions to your speech/behavior.

Thank you for this, White Despair! Did you have any help in your quest to strengthen your social skills? Which methods did you find especially helpful?

problems I can deal with myself.

This is so astute! I just love it!

I had to learn social skills and human relations.

A good place to start is to search for "how to tell when someone is <emotion>"

It's a little slow at first and you should be able to relate others' reactions to your speech/behavior.

Thank you for this, White Despair! Did you have any help in your quest to strengthen your social skills? Which methods did you find especially helpful?

You'll also want to learn how to be quiet and not talk. Kinda hard to do.

I'm dying to know about your process, WhiteDespair.

 

[azucaramargo]

There is a book from Dale Carnegie called "How to win friends and influence people"

Are you familiar with the comedian Maria Bamford? She is one of my heroes, and also struggles with bipolar/borderline/ocd--she has been hospitalized at least once. Anyway, in one interview, she credited the Dale Carnegie course (her dad took her to a How-to-Win-Friends-and-Influence-People seminar, and she found it life-changing. Sorry if this is irrelevant. I'm not even familiar with Carnegie's method, but I just wanted to let you know that someone I admire feels the same way you do.

 

[WhiteDespair]

This is how I feel, too.

Thank you for this, White Despair! Did you have any help in your quest to strengthen your social skills? Which methods did you find especially helpful?

This is so astute! I just love it!

Thank you for this, White Despair! Did you have any help in your quest to strengthen your social skills? Which methods did you find especially helpful?

I'm dying to know about your process, WhiteDespair.

1. Unless you count the internet, not really. I have to personable in my job in a lot of ways so that definitely helped and forced me to interact. Part of it was paying attention and seeing when people exhibit those signs. People's faces are extremely expressive and can show you the world.

The first real time I noticed it was when my friend smiled at me and I saw my initial reaction was suspicion. Pay attention to your reactions. If the evidence suggests your reaction is off, it likely is. I then had to repeat to myself something like "he isn't trying to use me" and stuff like that. Eventually, that response diminished.

Exposure is definitely key. The more you put yourself out there, the more you'll pick up. It doesn't have to be anything major, you can just go to a park and walk around, a concert and stay in the back, and so on.

At first, I chatted with cashiers and the like. They're kind of trapped and there's a time limit - the length of the transaction. So, a few quick words helped.

A good option is to look at how someone is dressed and ask a question about that. If a woman had a necklace that's a key I would ask if that's the key to her heart, a band shirt means asking about the band, that sort of thing.

There is an "omega's guide" on freenortherner.com It has some good tips and tricks.

Also, check out:
Mindset - Carol Dweck
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
Gorilla Mindset - Mike Cernovich

I've gotten a lot better and can hold my own in some conversations.

Honesty with yourself and others is key as well. The truth is easier than a lie.

2. Learning to listen means to shut up. If you have a burning desire to say something, don't. If there's a place to say it, cool. If not, don't. Don't interrupt. Let the other person say what he wants to say. Remember the "..." in video games? Say that.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.

 

[Lethe]

I can relate to this, OP, though I've always been an extreme introvert. Never really had an inclination to learn conversation for whatever reason. Something that helped me a bunch is watching Let's Plays on YouTube, like Game Grumps or whatever. These are good because they're not scripted at all or try to be fake, they're just having a casual conversation with a bud. They talk about life, videogames, movies, etc etc, every topic you can think of.

 

[azucaramargo]

it's not rare in Poland
[/QUOTzkE]
My uncle said teachers bully students of whom they are jealous. I'm not defending your teachers at all, but I have been a teacher, and I have been jealous of students. I have never bullied students, but I can kind of relate to your teachers' angst at seeing people younger than them with so much more promise and ability than them--it can be overwhelming and humbling.

I'm sad to hear this teacher bullying is common Poland, as you suggested. Maybe you can take some small comfort in the fact that your very limited teachers see the heights to which you will soar...that is perhaps why they relish being in a fleeting position to make you feel small.

I take that back, I don't think I've ever INTENTIONALLY bullied a student. Once I got really frustrated at a kid who reminded me so much of myself---spacey and distracted, and I just got so angry with him because I saw in him my own stupid flaws that had landed me in the unhappy spot where I was: a depressed, underpaid, unmarried, unglamorous teacher.

I'm sorry to have hijacked this thread. I just wanted to tell you about this phenomenon of teachers being jealous of students. When I was in 1st grade, my teacher pulled a chair out from under me (???), made fun of the way I blew my nose, and humiliated me in front of the class because she said the tuna fish sandwich I had eaten for lunch was stinking up the room.

I think about that woman a lot. What kind of a person pulls a chair out from beneath a 7 year old and laughs? To this day, I don't understand it. I've definitely been jealous of 7 year olds, though: for how quickly they picked up on some concept or their talent... I digress.

The whole impetus of this post was to hopefully offer you some modicum of comfort that it is not unheard of for teachers to bully students whom they envy and admire.

1. Unless you count the internet, not really. I have to personable in my job in a lot of ways so that definitely helped and forced me to interact. Part of it was paying attention and seeing when people exhibit those signs. People's faces are extremely expressive and can show you the world.

The first real time I noticed it was when my friend smiled at me and I saw my initial reaction was suspicion. Pay attention to your reactions. If the evidence suggests your reaction is off, it likely is. I then had to repeat to myself something like "he isn't trying to use me" and stuff like that. Eventually, that response diminished.

Exposure is definitely key. The more you put yourself out there, the more you'll pick up. It doesn't have to be anything major, you can just go to a park and walk around, a concert and stay in the back, and so on.

At first, I chatted with cashiers and the like. They're kind of trapped and there's a time limit - the length of the transaction. So, a few quick words helped.

A good option is to look at how someone is dressed and ask a question about that. If a woman had a necklace that's a key I would ask if that's the key to her heart, a band shirt means asking about the band, that sort of thing.

There is an "omega's guide" on freenortherner.com It has some good tips and tricks.

Also, check out:
Mindset - Carol Dweck
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
Gorilla Mindset - Mike Cernovich

I've gotten a lot better and can hold my own in some conversations.

Honesty with yourself and others is key as well. The truth is easier than a lie.

2. Learning to listen means to shut up. If you have a burning desire to say something, don't. If there's a place to say it, cool. If not, don't. Don't interrupt. Let the other person say what he wants to say. Remember the "..." in video games? Say that.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.

You're really intelligent to be able to view yourself and your reactions with such objectivity. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. Lots of love.

 

[WhiteDespair]

You're really intelligent to be able to view yourself and your reactions with such objectivity. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. Lots of love.

You are welcome. It wasn't easy. There's a balance between cutting loose and being analytical. If you get good enough (basically, retrain yourself) interactions become automatic.

 

[azucaramargo]

You are welcome. It wasn't easy. There's a balance between cutting loose and being analytical. If you get good enough (basically, retrain yourself) interactions become automatic.

Thank you, WD. You're clearly working with the advantage of some grey matter. with which most people aren't blessed. Thank you for sharing the fruits of your labor with me. I wish I had a mind like yours. I hope you appreciate your uncommon intelligence.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Thank you. It's a blessing and a curse. Good luck and may your efforts come to fruition.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Well I am incensed and sad that you have hijacked my thread and now it's nothing about me, but ok. Keep talking, I gotta turn the notifications off...
Like when it was about me people didn't want to talk and now they want so...

 

[I’vehadenough]

Can you talk to your teachers boss about the problem? Teachers aren't allowed to act this way

 

[I’vehadenough]

I used to bully my bad teachers btw lol by being a total smartass. Don't kill yourself bc someone is hurting you, hurt them instead

 

[azucaramargo]

Well I am incensed and sad that you have hijacked my thread and now it's nothing about me, but ok. Keep talking, I gotta turn the notifications off...
Like when it was about me people didn't want to talk and now they want so...

@DoNotLet2 Oh Good Friend, please don't get upset. I blame myself for getting off-topic. I am distracted and scattered. Did you not see the post I wrote about teachers bullying you because they're jealous? Does that offer you any comfort? I wrote that post with you in mind. You remind me a lot of myself, so I wanted to reach out.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Emm, Hello, I mean I don't wanna die, but it doesn't make sense to live.
I'm 18.
No one in my real life cares about me I'm all alone... My teachers make me cry every day, they are bullying me.
I have Asperger's which makes making relationships with people impossible, which drives me crazy. I am an extrovert I can't shut up for much longer than a minute, but when I say something, people start to hate me! The only option is to shut up, I can't work on my social skills because I don't know how to. Psychologists/psychiatrists are not an option.
And I am not disabled, retarded whatever... Why does everyone think I am dumb? I just have 0 social skills. I have no trouble learning math, English, whatever. I hate my life. I don't wanna be an alone person labelled idiot. I wanna enjoy my life.
People say "everybody's got hard lives". No. Being healthy, having a good job, family, a few friends, isn't a hard life, just because you have to bring up 2 kids. If you can deal with problems you have I would consider it as a normal life.
I want to have a normal life - problems I can deal with myself.

Sorry for venting so often but I have a lot of to vent about.

So I'm assuming you're still in high school? When you graduate none of that bullshit matter anymore. You're not going to be thinking of these people ten years from now if you decide to stick around. I'm sure you'll meet people.

Can you talk to your teachers boss about the problem? Teachers aren't allowed to act this way

They do though. I had a teacher like this

 

[I’vehadenough]

So I'm assuming you're still in high school? When you graduate none of that bullshit matter anymore. You're not going to be thinking of these people ten years from now if you decide to stick around. I'm sure you'll meet people.


They do though. I had a teacher like this

You're right. I had a teacher like that. I fought back and told her to go fuck herself. I got suspended, but it was soooo worth it. Plus the other students suddenly respected me

 

[azucaramargo]

If you can deal with problems you have I would consider it as a normal life

I really like this line. I feel the same way.

I want to have a normal life - problems I can deal with myself

Also, this was an excellent sentence! So well-put!