Mywill
Member
- Feb 6, 2020
- 91
I don't want any medications, I don't want to waste anymore resource on myself willing to die. I want to die and I don't want to be better. Isn't it ironic to not be cured when sick.
I know I'm a selfish person per say. If I leave early, It only takes you years to cope with. Aleast you still got a son to look after. It's sooner or later. It would be better if I left early and I should too. I honestly don't give a damn if you'll be sad or anything I wish, I just wanted to have my own peace. Saving myself from this nightmare of mine.
You remember that once you told me if Im killing myself you're gonna die with me ? Funny, You threatened me with that and I actually want you to be with me instead of left alone or else. I'd wish to kill both of you and mind less of a hassle to suffer. Glad I still haven't did that and things have changed.
The medication definitely works but I don't want to be better. I already figured out killing myself is the answer. I'm determined. It's not going away like if I ever "cured". I felt like I'm getting better and I want none of that. Ironic isn't it. That's how I thought to myself everyday. I just want to die and nothing will stop me from that.
If I'd end myself, I want you to remember:
I always will love you, I appreciated the effort you raise me up as a son of yours. I appreciated you work your head off to raise me and my brother, I appericated you to cope with father's dead and not abandon me and my brother. You're a great mother and I am the worst you wish you'd never born. Please take care of yourself, I don't have much to say but Thank you I really mean it. You gave me a oppotunity to be myself and live a life. Tell brother I appreciated he doing what he always can to protect me and you. I hope your school stuff works with flying colours. Good luck, Good night.
I know I'm a selfish person per say. If I leave early, It only takes you years to cope with. Aleast you still got a son to look after. It's sooner or later. It would be better if I left early and I should too. I honestly don't give a damn if you'll be sad or anything I wish, I just wanted to have my own peace. Saving myself from this nightmare of mine.
You remember that once you told me if Im killing myself you're gonna die with me ? Funny, You threatened me with that and I actually want you to be with me instead of left alone or else. I'd wish to kill both of you and mind less of a hassle to suffer. Glad I still haven't did that and things have changed.
The medication definitely works but I don't want to be better. I already figured out killing myself is the answer. I'm determined. It's not going away like if I ever "cured". I felt like I'm getting better and I want none of that. Ironic isn't it. That's how I thought to myself everyday. I just want to die and nothing will stop me from that.
If I'd end myself, I want you to remember:
I always will love you, I appreciated the effort you raise me up as a son of yours. I appreciated you work your head off to raise me and my brother, I appericated you to cope with father's dead and not abandon me and my brother. You're a great mother and I am the worst you wish you'd never born. Please take care of yourself, I don't have much to say but Thank you I really mean it. You gave me a oppotunity to be myself and live a life. Tell brother I appreciated he doing what he always can to protect me and you. I hope your school stuff works with flying colours. Good luck, Good night.
