(Vent) Do I trust my diagnosis or my experience?

[MrBlue]

I've recently been given a diagnosis by my therapist of Olfactory Reference syndrome. Arguably my main (but not only) obstacle in living a normal life has been a persistent body odour problem I've suffered with since I was 16. That was almost 7 years ago now. For all that time, any attempt to make friends or develop any relationship with someone has been ruined by the fact I smell utterly vile. Understandably, people don't want anything to do with me. The utter shame I feel for subjecting people I interact with to my stench is unbearable.

The idea that this stench could be just a delusion/psychosis is terrifying me. On one hand I want to believe that I don't smell but I can't just ignore it when my family and this therapist are the only evidence I have to think I don't. People imply/directly say to each other that I smell almost daily, and I can physically smell myself as well. If I can smell BO/piss/gas on and around me, then there's no way others don't.
Also if I DON'T smell, then there's still must have something disgustingly wrong/unlikable about me. I haven't had a single friend in 7 years, and never been in any sort of relationship. I'm almost 23 and haven't haven't met a single woman that finds me remotedly attractive or someone that finds me likable. I'm repulsive all the same.
I've been so damn close to killing myself so many times and I don't want to continue feeling like I do and making everyone I interact with uncomfortable just for the infinitesimal chance that I could be ok, if others can somehow overlook all my other shit qualities as well as my BO.

 

[The Lonely]

I've recently been given a diagnosis by my therapist of Olfactory Reference syndrome. Arguably my main (but not only) obstacle in living a normal life has been a persistent body odour problem I've suffered with since I was 16. That was almost 7 years ago now. For all that time, any attempt to make friends or develop any relationship with someone has been ruined by the fact I smell utterly vile. Understandably, people don't want anything to do with me. The utter shame I feel for subjecting people I interact with to my stench is unbearable.

The idea that this stench could be just a delusion/psychosis is terrifying me. On one hand I want to believe that I don't smell but I can't just ignore it when my family and this therapist are the only evidence I have to think I don't. People imply/directly say to each other that I smell almost daily, and I can physically smell myself as well. If I can smell BO/piss/gas on and around me, then there's no way others don't.
Also if I DON'T smell, then there's still must have something disgustingly wrong/unlikable about me. I haven't had a single friend in 7 years, and never been in any sort of relationship. I'm almost 23 and haven't haven't met a single woman that finds me remotedly attractive or someone that finds me likable. I'm repulsive all the same.
I've been so damn close to killing myself so many times and I don't want to continue feeling like I do and making everyone I interact with uncomfortable just for the infinitesimal chance that I could be ok, if others can somehow overlook all my other shit qualities as well as my BO.

What do you smell like? what do you feel?

 

[MrBlue]

Usually bad BO (that I can smell on my clothes when I take them off) or gas, which I get randomly when I'm nervous. I also somtimes smell of pee, faeces or rubbish, but that is more rare. I've definitely heard people consistently complain about my smell as well, at my work most recently but also back when I went to Uni. Most of it isn't malicious, but it's obvious people, especially women I interact with find me utterly repulsive to be around.

I feel like tearing my eyes out and gutting myself slowly. The guilt I get from just existing around other people is unbearable, and like I said I've made several attempts at ctb already. It would definitely be a net positive if I died because I'm an awful person for stinking like that and putting people through that on a daily basis.

 

[The Lonely]

Usually bad BO (that I can smell on my clothes when I take them off) or gas, which I get randomly when I'm nervous. I also somtimes smell of pee, faeces or rubbish, but that is more rare. I've definitely heard people consistently complain about my smell as well, at my work most recently but also back when I went to Uni. Most of it isn't malicious, but it's obvious people, especially women I interact with find me utterly repulsive to be around.

I feel like tearing my eyes out and gutting myself slowly. The guilt I get from just existing around other people is unbearable, and like I said I've made several attempts at ctb already. It would definitely be a net positive if I died because I'm an awful person for stinking like that and putting people through that on a daily basis.

Some people are more sensitive to smell … (I am one of those).

We are all about senses: the touch, the vision, the hearing and the smelling.
Some people are more prone in to developing one of those Better.

So iIf you are like me (who cares about smell)…you may Over focus this issue.
(So far so good).(…)

But if you combine this feature together with: a wrong view of yourself, low self esteem, etc… this feature will end up turning against you!
That seems very much like you've relate… Does it makes any sense to you?

 

[Life_and_Death]

As some one with similar problems and trust issues i sometimes find it best to ask someone that has zero gain from lying. Someone that isnt trying to 'protect' me. Im not sure who you could ask though but its an idea.

People imply/directly say to each other that I smell almost daily

This could also be the psychosis picking up and mangling whatever it wants to trick you. Of course without hearing the conversations myself its difficult to say. (Last night i had to ask my husband if i said fuck off and he said i didnt. It was all in my head apparently)

but it's obvious people, especially women I interact with find me utterly repulsive to be

And this, sometimes it can simply be the way you hold yourself. If youre feeling this way about yourself, your body language is going to reflect that whether its true or not.

Sometimes it can just be a bad combination of things or maybe its like @The Lonely said and youre sensitive so it sticks out more.

Really stupid question (and if youre this paranoid about it i think i already know the answer) and im sorry if this offends you but concidering the topic i dont think its a horrible question to ask, do you shower daily? What about smells (perfume/cologne)? Because if the answer is yes to both of these it could be psychosis and what people might be commenting on is the strong smell of whatever you use to cover it up. I know i cant stand those scents and have to hold my breath.

Just some things to think about. Theres a lot of different possiblities for why something might be the way it is.

 

[Whale_bones]

I was very close friends for years with a guy who had a constant, intense bad smell. Both I and the mutual friends we had in common *never* said anything to him or around him about the smell; the few times it was talked about among friends, we agreed that we had no way to bring it up, we weren't the right people to bring it up, and we didn't want to say anything that would embarrass or hurt him. He seemed totally unaware of it, and it was definitely not body odor, which has a very identifiable scent; it was something else that was indeterminable.

I say all this because it has such striking differences to your case. I always say that those who have lived their experience know their experience best, so in no way am I invalidating your own knowledge on what you're going through. Looking at it objectively, I see so many differences in your situation than the one where I know someone smelled bad.

People usually *don't* bring it up in front of the person, as it's an awkward, intimidating situation to do so, especially if you aren't close with them. My friends and I didn't even think we were the right people for our friend, we felt a family member of his should do it. I think it would be really rare for coworkers to be talking about another coworker's bad smell in front of them, knowing they have to face that person again and again at work, and what an incredibly awkward situation that is. The same conditions would take place at a university. I'm not saying it's impossible, and I wasn't there so I can't know for sure. But l do think it would be really rare, and it would be easy to overhear them talking about something else and worry it was about you instead (as that's a situation that happens to everyone, regardless of topic.)

Another stark difference is that my friend was very much unaware of his smell. He definitely didn't spend any time thinking about his scent. And anyone that *does* spend time thinking about their scent is likely going to take the proper steps to control it, like wearing deodorant and showering, and with the very rare exception of a handful of medical conditions, they will smell perfectly fine.

I also can't see any gain for your therapist to lie about a diagnosis of this; if you actually smelled bad, your therapist would have to be *knowingly* lying by giving this diagnosis, which would risk their career and license. I looked up a bit about ORS and one of the requirements is that the person doesn't actually smell bad. On the reputable sites I went to, it's not classed as a psychosis or even a delusion, it's actually classed as a type of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It also has a VERY high rate of social anxiety and suicide attempts. It's only been studied in-depth recently and that's why not as many people know about it. I thought this site had a lot of good info.

If I were you, I'd say give it a shot with the treatment in therapy. It might work, it might not work, but there's no way to know without giving it a go, and what you find on the other side may be well worth it.

 

[The Lonely]

In my life I caught myself inquiring a guy about his smell !! (Pretty odd, I admit). But I remember smelling him, and his coat ….and it wasn't about any perfume, nothing! He even speculated if it could be the soap his mother used to wash his clothes… I ended up going home that night with his smell…(what a happy memory)…

Years later, I was at a bus station and there was a guy waiting for the bus smelling the same! I concluded it must be some male hormone etc…

Later i would discover that even the food we eat ends up being exhaled by our skin…

I also had a negative experience about this… There was this guy who smelled bad! Again: it wasn't his perfume, wasn't lack of bathing, It was Skin! The thing is that he exhaled bad and It was because of the drugs was under…. he smelled toxic, strong… bad… can't explain better than this.

I was very close friends for years with a guy who had a constant, intense bad smell.

Yeah I'm trying to get the Psychosis out of the way because some doctors just jump in to this diagnosis way to early …
I would explore every hypothesis available in order not to Sedate someone without necessity….

shower daily? What about smells (perfume/cologne)

 

[Life_and_Death]

It was Skin! The thing is that he exhaled bad and It was because of the drugs was under…. he smelled toxic, strong… bad… can't explain better than this.

this reminds me of heavy smokers.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

We'd get along bro, my sense of smell is non-existent.

 

[Whale_bones]

In my life I caught myself inquiring a guy about his smell !! (Pretty odd, I admit)

This is definitely a cultural thing so I'm sure it's more common in certain places, but in my post I was referring to cultures where you don't ask personal questions to people you're not close to. That's the case in America and as far as I know the culture in Britain is even less personal with strangers (I'm guessing that the OP is from Britain or somewhere nearby based on his use of words like "rubbish".)

Yeah I'm trying to get the Psychosis out of the way because some doctors just jump in to this diagnosis way to early …

I would explore every hypothesis available in order not to Sedate someone without necessity….

It's not a psychosis, and no one would ever be sedated for this! It's a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just like no one would be sedated for having classic OCD, they wouldn't be for this subtype either. Unless you are using a really different meaning for the word sedate than I am, but in the context of psychiatric treatment it means to me strong, mind-altering medication, usually given in an inpatient setting. That's a super scary thing to hear so I wanted to clarify that there's no reason to worry about that here.

 

[The Lonely]

This is definitely a cultural thing so I'm sure it's more common in certain places, but in my post I was referring to cultures where you don't ask personal questions to people you're not close to. That's the case in America and as far as I know the culture in Britain is even less personal with strangers (I'm guessing that the OP is from Britain or somewhere nearby based on his use of words like "rubbish".)

It's not a psychosis, and no one would ever be sedated for this! It's a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just like no one would be sedated for having classic OCD, they wouldn't be for this subtype either. Unless you are using a really different meaning for the word sedate than I am, but in the context of psychiatric treatment it means to me strong, mind-altering medication, usually given in an inpatient setting. That's a super scary thing to hear so I wanted to clarify that there's no reason to worry about that here.

Oh, you bet! People get sedated for even less than that!

 

[Whale_bones]

Oh, you bet! People get sedated for even less than that!

Again, I'm talking about things that are likely to happen; of *course* there are terrible, horrific people that don't practice medicine anywhere close to properly, but we have no reason to randomly assume the OP is interacting with someone like that. I don't see the use in bringing that up when he's already experiencing a lot of anxiety and that has no relevance to his situation. My post was saying that any normal, reasonable professional would never sedate for this, I just didn't make that clarification because it's implied that I'm not referring to specific exceptions to the rule.