I think the whole story is sad, and while I respect her pain and anguish, I still feel that obviously he was very unhappy.
He kept trying to kill himself for a reason. While I personally nor do any of us know exactly what his specific reasons were, to keep him alive when he is in a vegetative state, what would he do 10 years later? 20 years later?
Live in a state hospital where he's miserable on the inside?
I'm sorry for her loss, and yes it's extremely tragic.
of course I sympathize, I don't blame her for trying, as he was very young and she is his mother after all.
However, he was just labeled with mental illness, who's to say it's an illness? He was probably bullied in school for being different, and if the loss of his grandparents etc affected him that profoundly, then it did. Every set of circumstances combine with a unique personality, with unique strengths & weaknesses. Clearly he was very unhappy in his society.
Maybe he just wasn't happy in this world in general. Also, most parents would rather know that their offspring is somehow surviving, even if they're just breathing in a bed and can't do anything else.
I think it's a subconscious desire (understandably) to maintain their genetic offspring no matter their suffering, because It's some kind of primitive drive.
Obviously there is also motherly love with that, and it should be respected.
The only issue I really take with it is the fact that after they rescued him, he suffered severe brain damage, Which I get that's their job to 'rescue' him etc. with noble intentions.
But the whole problem is based on if somebody WANTS to LEAVE, LET THEM LEAVE. is it sad? Yes, of course.
Try to change their mind, fine. Try to Offer doubled supports, whatever you think might make them want to stay, fine.
But if they keep trying to leave/ctb, obviously whatever they feel is too much to bear, will probably remain the next year, in the next 10 years, etc. They know themselves better than anyone.
Only they can know for certain what they can or cannot endure.
After a certain point, it just becomes disrespectful to what THEY NEED and what they want for their own life.
And it isn't the others' LIFE... it was his RIGHT to decide for himself.
Granted, he was very young at 18, and I do understand it it is completely desirable to try to give him multiple chances to try and start over, etc. Of course. There's nothing wrong with that.
But Instead of a parent irrationally demanding that their adult son/daughter stay miserable so that they feel better knowing they are just technically alive (even though the poor guy was obviously miserable) IS selfish.
I'm not arguing with her justified pain as a heartbroken mother in mourning...
but I am arguing with her insistence that he stay alive no matter what.
That's what I have a problem with.
that would be like if I knew that my adult (i don't have one but for the sake of making a point) daughter who was 18 years old, but was so absolutely miserable going to a particular school, but I just wanted to force her to get an education even though it was causing her immense suffering, and let's say that it was either that school or no education at all.
So instead I just tell my (imaginary example) daughter that she just needs to keep pushing through and just tolerated because that way she'll have an education, completely against her wishes. Just so I can say but at least she's getting an education (alive)... no matter the cost to her happiness.
of course it's natural to try to help your child, keep them alive, that I'm sure most of us understand and sympathize. But after she saw he was going to remain in a vegetative state, where it took what, 8 or 9 months For him to even be able to barely blink to communicate?
What kind of quality of life is that for him?
It is very tragic, but she just extended his suffering by trying to force what was already basically over, as indicated by her son.
I'm sorry for her loss and I wish her the best. But if he never would have recovered, and after she saw he would never get better, while it is heartbreaking, is it really fair to him to ask him to stay alive as a vegetable for the rest of his life? Imagine how he felt just wanting it to be over and free, but he became imprisoned in an even worse situation?
Just so she can say well at least he still technically alive? & At what cost to add to his suffering?
Because at that point, it becomes all for her needs, for her hopes, for her pain, not his...
And I think that's the point that other people were trying to make, although maybe some of them were rude about it, I don't know.
It's like if somebody was in pain 24 hours a day and they really just wanted to go in peace, but you kept them alive because that way you don't miss them, etc. What about his needs? What about what he wanted?
After a certain point of trying, one has to respect HIS wishes for HIS OWN LIFE... which is his alone to decide.
The reverse could also have happened; it could've been her that was suffering from some medical problems, and she wanted euthanasia, but he insisted on keeping her alive for at least a couple more years so he wouldn't have to deal with the loss, at her expense and suffering. Forcing him to stay alive in a body that cannot function enough to give him even a semi-decent quality of life is horrendous.
I'm not saying it's easy, but people need to have the respect & ACCEPT that for those who need/want to leave this world and no longer suffer... their Wishes take the priority, not the other way around.