Justaroguegear
Tired
- Mar 11, 2020
- 79
From time to time I get a lot of frustrations and thoughts pent up and this is by far the best place I can unload them in.
I'm going to start with some short personal stuff and then transition into more general things. I am 100% sure I would be considered to have ADHD if I was going to get checked. My country is very far behind on this and getting proper treatment with an adult diagnosis is impossible. Not that I ever wished for that necessarily because by the time I narrowed it down and had the capacity to look into it through the proper channels I was already okay with the way I was and realized that I'm probably better off this way than being "functional" even though that would open up a lot of doors for me. In the sense that most people look at life and success. Of course this is impossible to know but the conclusion I came to is that it doesn't matter anyway.
I always feel like I had the sight as a child. To see ahead to be realistic. Maybe it's the conditions of my early existence maybe I was born this way. But it doesn't matter, I always had very limited emotional responses and things I confused for feelings were very raw and primordial. Anger, fear, disgust. Feeling good physically was always the only way for me to experience pleasure. My goal in life was always to be left alone and deal with my own problems my way. People always had to intervene and I always perceived it as an attack. The things they said didn't make sense but I tried to listen and it never went well. I always managed my own well being and did a better job than anyone could have. The less limited I was the more I could do, and now having reached adult life I am so much better off mentally. I am living in my wild era, trying to emulate parts of how we used to live and only doing the bare minimum to have my basic needs met. I even found time to try to care about some others, try to help them in their enclosed space, but I always was of the opinion that it is pointless. As an example saving a dying animal in the wild doesn't help much. Even if it recovers fully, it's going to go back and do the same thing and die horribly anyway. They die horribly even if they never got hurt, just a bit later. It's a drop in the ocean.
Same thing with humans. I also think getting used to help makes people weak and reliant. Compared to what an person could go through and still make it to the next day we are soft. Teach a man to fish and all that. Not to mention the effects our lifestyle leaves us with extreme health problems.
Most people support the modern luxuries, people want endless sugar, consumerism, plastic things. More and more and more. Never satisfied. On the other side there's people starving themselves and killing their bodies with a full time fitness lifestyle, reducing fat to a ridiculously low percent. It's all so unnatural, and if only hundreds of years of science condensed into guides and substances (from protein bars to PEDs) allow you to do achieve something than that is not worth going through. Or little children forced to do ballet or any other thing they have no control over just because that's the only time they are pliable enough to create something that can compete with what was before. Why? What's the point?
Having goals and expectations in this life is a surefire way to misery. The world always pressures people to want more and extend themselves to a new unreachable standard.
I think what a human need in order to be happy/content is fundamentally misunderstood. Humans don't want peace and quiet and having every need taken care of as soon as it appears. We are animals and animals crave action, we get pleasure from surviving. From delayed gratification.
Before we go further I want to clarify that ultimately I am an efilist and even if there are beings who have a net positive experience it was always built on the suffering of many many others. My argument is simply that the modern world is almost built to maximize suffering, It's not like that on purpose of course, but our lives are so diluted and so far removed from what our ancestors went through that it leaves too much time to create our own suffering.
It used to be humans vs beast. Times were simpler back then, I think. I doubt an average person experienced as much misery in day to day lives as today. Sure I guess there were horrible deaths, mistakes, not knowing why you were about to die. Those things still happen today, but back then it was simple. You either were in an environment that supported your existence or didn't. Deaths were relatively quick compared to today. Life probably didn't leave many to think about death and it's not the fact itself that causes so much distress, it's ruminating over it your entire life. We all know it's going to happen, we always knew that. It isn't all that scary if you remove emotions from it.
In my opinion there was a lot less man on man violence, for the simple fact that hurting others would mean the end of the tribe including the attacker. I think all mental disorders today are leftovers for different types of specialized people. The modern psychopath was probably the most respected fearless protector of the tribe. They are the ones that got their hands dirty and could handle things without batting an eye. I doubt there was any time and energy left for self destruction. And even today all mental disorders have a bad side that almost always comes out due to the stressful lifestyle we live today. It drives people into survival mode and they turn into a cornered beast even if a real physical threat doesn't exist. This used to come out only during mortal danger. Now people just stay that way because the perceived threats don't ever go away and it's impossible to fundamentally change a person's environment. It's the same thing almost everywhere but a different flavor.
I think things started going downhill when the beasts were conquered and man started to turn on man to get ahead. The lack of an outside threat made us compete with each other. It was never supposed to be this way. The first time a man picked up a weapon to make the other do something they didn't want to do was when it all went to shit.
Medieval periods were probably the worst times to be alive for any one individual. When anyone could be put to the sword for any reason. Just enough peace to let people have some peace only for that to be taken away in a blink of an eye. The contrast is huge. Public displays of brutal executions were common place and just think about how fucked up all that is. If animals lined up and killed their own species in a ritualistic way they would certainly be considered abnormal, and it would be way more extreme than a bird ripping out it's own feather or a snake eating itself (both in captivity).
Today there's just so many things wrong. We torture children with a fascist environment only for them to later see how pointless it was. Waking up for months, not being allowed to do anything, being forced to cram shit no one will ever use. All to just provide a taste of the bullshit the world has to offer. "If you can't to this then you can't handle life, so even if the material is useless that's just how the rest is". And it's true. the world is just filled with so much bullshit. Corporations manipulating insecurity; halitosis, wrinkles, body hair. All those things we always had but now suddenly it's a big issue because it can monetized. Balding, your sports team losing, being fired/laid off, not having a good hairstyle, stains on your clothes, your walls, wrinkly clothing. It's all fake problems. It's not real. It's all just useless junk. To try to change it all is pointless and only leads to misery. It's self destructive to care about such silly things. It's pure psychological terror of an overly competitive self cannibalizing species that just attacks you with more and more and more. Everyone thinks that this is good, we are moving forward because we are competitive. But it's not, we will never have perfect hair, we will never have a perfect life. We're animals not robots. We will never be robots.
Anyway the point of it all is that I am mad, I am mad that so much misery is unnecessarily caused by peer pressure, expectations, the ultra competitiveness. The difference between a doctor and a homeless person is a decade of school and a couple of bad days. Compared to how everyone used to be born with almost nothing, now we have so much and it's never enough. We are taught to always want more. To not be content. To stress out. The sheer scale of it, billions of humans going through the same boring bullshit every day. It's hard tot think about.
I feel like I managed to escape all this through sheer luck. Stopped caring. But it took a lot to rip all this out, because right now I feel very lucky to only have to go through this much, to be immune to the herd. As much as I hate the world, I am having a very good time right now and I can recognize that. This magic box in front of me containing everything, the density of food, allowing me to maximize my activities every day. I just had to learn how to stop wasting time because ultimately we only suffer as much as we allow ourselves to. By allowing to worry about the past present and the future. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder.
Of course I recognize that some people are physically incapable of having a good time, while others are locked under inescapable conditions. Even those who could escape, never even think of it because these values are so deeply entrenched that it's not even a question. It's not even near the conscious mind of most people, they are too busy doing the next thing, keeping busy, going from their job to a vacation back to the job, while going under so much hidden stress. It's like people know that if they stop for too long they will crumble. All that recommended therapy for everyone is only necessary because it's just the tip of the iceberg. Whatever comes out there is just the thing that is visible, that interferes, the thing that others can see. Major depression doesn't just happen. It's probably people's entire life that leads to that. The last final events that make people like that are just the final straws. Even if they get out of it all the years leave their mark and severely reduce everyone's potential. I think everyone would be capable of so much more, if they only had the clarity.
Most people aren't like me though, most people follow the herd. I luckily never had such an issue. But if only people could see how much misery they create for themselves and others. They are born into this and follow the thread wherever it leads. It's tragic.
I'm going to start with some short personal stuff and then transition into more general things. I am 100% sure I would be considered to have ADHD if I was going to get checked. My country is very far behind on this and getting proper treatment with an adult diagnosis is impossible. Not that I ever wished for that necessarily because by the time I narrowed it down and had the capacity to look into it through the proper channels I was already okay with the way I was and realized that I'm probably better off this way than being "functional" even though that would open up a lot of doors for me. In the sense that most people look at life and success. Of course this is impossible to know but the conclusion I came to is that it doesn't matter anyway.
I always feel like I had the sight as a child. To see ahead to be realistic. Maybe it's the conditions of my early existence maybe I was born this way. But it doesn't matter, I always had very limited emotional responses and things I confused for feelings were very raw and primordial. Anger, fear, disgust. Feeling good physically was always the only way for me to experience pleasure. My goal in life was always to be left alone and deal with my own problems my way. People always had to intervene and I always perceived it as an attack. The things they said didn't make sense but I tried to listen and it never went well. I always managed my own well being and did a better job than anyone could have. The less limited I was the more I could do, and now having reached adult life I am so much better off mentally. I am living in my wild era, trying to emulate parts of how we used to live and only doing the bare minimum to have my basic needs met. I even found time to try to care about some others, try to help them in their enclosed space, but I always was of the opinion that it is pointless. As an example saving a dying animal in the wild doesn't help much. Even if it recovers fully, it's going to go back and do the same thing and die horribly anyway. They die horribly even if they never got hurt, just a bit later. It's a drop in the ocean.
Same thing with humans. I also think getting used to help makes people weak and reliant. Compared to what an person could go through and still make it to the next day we are soft. Teach a man to fish and all that. Not to mention the effects our lifestyle leaves us with extreme health problems.
Most people support the modern luxuries, people want endless sugar, consumerism, plastic things. More and more and more. Never satisfied. On the other side there's people starving themselves and killing their bodies with a full time fitness lifestyle, reducing fat to a ridiculously low percent. It's all so unnatural, and if only hundreds of years of science condensed into guides and substances (from protein bars to PEDs) allow you to do achieve something than that is not worth going through. Or little children forced to do ballet or any other thing they have no control over just because that's the only time they are pliable enough to create something that can compete with what was before. Why? What's the point?
Having goals and expectations in this life is a surefire way to misery. The world always pressures people to want more and extend themselves to a new unreachable standard.
I think what a human need in order to be happy/content is fundamentally misunderstood. Humans don't want peace and quiet and having every need taken care of as soon as it appears. We are animals and animals crave action, we get pleasure from surviving. From delayed gratification.
Before we go further I want to clarify that ultimately I am an efilist and even if there are beings who have a net positive experience it was always built on the suffering of many many others. My argument is simply that the modern world is almost built to maximize suffering, It's not like that on purpose of course, but our lives are so diluted and so far removed from what our ancestors went through that it leaves too much time to create our own suffering.
It used to be humans vs beast. Times were simpler back then, I think. I doubt an average person experienced as much misery in day to day lives as today. Sure I guess there were horrible deaths, mistakes, not knowing why you were about to die. Those things still happen today, but back then it was simple. You either were in an environment that supported your existence or didn't. Deaths were relatively quick compared to today. Life probably didn't leave many to think about death and it's not the fact itself that causes so much distress, it's ruminating over it your entire life. We all know it's going to happen, we always knew that. It isn't all that scary if you remove emotions from it.
In my opinion there was a lot less man on man violence, for the simple fact that hurting others would mean the end of the tribe including the attacker. I think all mental disorders today are leftovers for different types of specialized people. The modern psychopath was probably the most respected fearless protector of the tribe. They are the ones that got their hands dirty and could handle things without batting an eye. I doubt there was any time and energy left for self destruction. And even today all mental disorders have a bad side that almost always comes out due to the stressful lifestyle we live today. It drives people into survival mode and they turn into a cornered beast even if a real physical threat doesn't exist. This used to come out only during mortal danger. Now people just stay that way because the perceived threats don't ever go away and it's impossible to fundamentally change a person's environment. It's the same thing almost everywhere but a different flavor.
I think things started going downhill when the beasts were conquered and man started to turn on man to get ahead. The lack of an outside threat made us compete with each other. It was never supposed to be this way. The first time a man picked up a weapon to make the other do something they didn't want to do was when it all went to shit.
Medieval periods were probably the worst times to be alive for any one individual. When anyone could be put to the sword for any reason. Just enough peace to let people have some peace only for that to be taken away in a blink of an eye. The contrast is huge. Public displays of brutal executions were common place and just think about how fucked up all that is. If animals lined up and killed their own species in a ritualistic way they would certainly be considered abnormal, and it would be way more extreme than a bird ripping out it's own feather or a snake eating itself (both in captivity).
Today there's just so many things wrong. We torture children with a fascist environment only for them to later see how pointless it was. Waking up for months, not being allowed to do anything, being forced to cram shit no one will ever use. All to just provide a taste of the bullshit the world has to offer. "If you can't to this then you can't handle life, so even if the material is useless that's just how the rest is". And it's true. the world is just filled with so much bullshit. Corporations manipulating insecurity; halitosis, wrinkles, body hair. All those things we always had but now suddenly it's a big issue because it can monetized. Balding, your sports team losing, being fired/laid off, not having a good hairstyle, stains on your clothes, your walls, wrinkly clothing. It's all fake problems. It's not real. It's all just useless junk. To try to change it all is pointless and only leads to misery. It's self destructive to care about such silly things. It's pure psychological terror of an overly competitive self cannibalizing species that just attacks you with more and more and more. Everyone thinks that this is good, we are moving forward because we are competitive. But it's not, we will never have perfect hair, we will never have a perfect life. We're animals not robots. We will never be robots.
Anyway the point of it all is that I am mad, I am mad that so much misery is unnecessarily caused by peer pressure, expectations, the ultra competitiveness. The difference between a doctor and a homeless person is a decade of school and a couple of bad days. Compared to how everyone used to be born with almost nothing, now we have so much and it's never enough. We are taught to always want more. To not be content. To stress out. The sheer scale of it, billions of humans going through the same boring bullshit every day. It's hard tot think about.
I feel like I managed to escape all this through sheer luck. Stopped caring. But it took a lot to rip all this out, because right now I feel very lucky to only have to go through this much, to be immune to the herd. As much as I hate the world, I am having a very good time right now and I can recognize that. This magic box in front of me containing everything, the density of food, allowing me to maximize my activities every day. I just had to learn how to stop wasting time because ultimately we only suffer as much as we allow ourselves to. By allowing to worry about the past present and the future. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder.
Of course I recognize that some people are physically incapable of having a good time, while others are locked under inescapable conditions. Even those who could escape, never even think of it because these values are so deeply entrenched that it's not even a question. It's not even near the conscious mind of most people, they are too busy doing the next thing, keeping busy, going from their job to a vacation back to the job, while going under so much hidden stress. It's like people know that if they stop for too long they will crumble. All that recommended therapy for everyone is only necessary because it's just the tip of the iceberg. Whatever comes out there is just the thing that is visible, that interferes, the thing that others can see. Major depression doesn't just happen. It's probably people's entire life that leads to that. The last final events that make people like that are just the final straws. Even if they get out of it all the years leave their mark and severely reduce everyone's potential. I think everyone would be capable of so much more, if they only had the clarity.
Most people aren't like me though, most people follow the herd. I luckily never had such an issue. But if only people could see how much misery they create for themselves and others. They are born into this and follow the thread wherever it leads. It's tragic.
