Using negativity to cope?

[FadingSunshine]

I feel like I use my negativity to cope, eg if something bad happens I think it doesn't matter or I deserve it. I feel like this helps me get past the day, but I also feel like it holds me back in my recovery and I'm always on the edge of killing myself. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I dunno. I wouldn't say I use negativity to cope. I feel like negativity is just an unavoidable natural reaction to constant suffering. Its hard to embrace positivity when you'd just rather be dead. What is there to be positive about when you'd rather you didn't exist? Why skirt around the fact that you feel miserable? I just want to die. I just wish I could do what needs to be done and end it all

 

[day]

I normally feel as if I was born to suffer so when things happen that are bad it makes it easier to realize that bad shit was just always meant to happen to me.

 

[FadingSunshine]

I dunno. I wouldn't say I use negativity to cope. I feel like negativity is just an unavoidable natural reaction to constant suffering. Its hard to embrace positivity when you'd just rather be dead. What is there to be positive about when you'd rather you didn't exist? Why skirt around the fact that you feel miserable? I just want to die. I just wish I could do what needs to be done and end it all

Personally I think it's hard not to be miserable if you don't embrace positivity, but I've gotten into this hole where I don't care about anything, and I feel like I'm unable to even begin recovering while I'm in this mindset.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case what other people see as being "negativity" is just being realistic and having awareness of how truly dreadful existing is. For me the only relief lies in non-existence and the fact that my existence is very meaningless, insignificant and will completely be forgotten about someday, but still there isn't much relief in anything as death still feels like a distance away and I feel so trapped here, to me there is no real relief from suffering as long as one exists in this harmful and hellish world.