This is why alcoholism is so easy to develop. I have struggled with social anxiety longer than I even knew what it was. I never understood why I was too afraid to go outside as a kid, why I stopped seeing friends and just stayed inside watching TV. I always thought I was just a coward, and hated myself.
When I got older, I started using alcohol to help me. I didn't become an alcoholic, but I had a psychological dependence. I viewed it as a lifeline. But the aftermath side effects were unbearable. Yet, I kept on. Until I started getting black out drunk. Long story short, I would just rather die than go through that.
I tried to find a better way, I started taking antidepressants. They came with their own list of bullshit side effect. The one thing that's remained constant is my messed up brain. I have basically no close friends, I hardly ever talk to anyone besides my sister and work colleagues. And I'm ready to die. I have been yapping, but what I'm trying to get at, is to tell you don't go down that road.
Alcohol is convenient, but it's just going to make your life so much worse. No matter how unbearable you think it is now, it can get much worse. The last thing you want, this to wake up one day and realize you're an alcoholic. In my opinion, I'd rather die than live that kind of a life.