I can't function out of my room anymore... i think I've developed a learning disability... so many things have happened... I don't like to blend into society anymore... I'm always faking what i said to appear normal, faking my thoughts, faking my expressions and trying so hard to blend in but i just can't... and i feel so guilty because my parents have supported me financially over these course of years but I don't have the will anymore... I just want to sleep forever...
can anybody save me from this prison of a mind i have created... I'm... losing myself
I just want to go back two years ago in the pandemic... I want to do all the things i didn't get to... It was wayy better for someone who have social anxiety living in those times...
I have always been voided of social occasions and interactions even in my younger years and back then i couldn't understand what the problem was but it turns out i just wasn't strong enough mentally and back then I'd have already suffered social anxiety but it was left untreated until i reached 18... they say it isn't too late but the consequences of my actions are showing up... I don't have any more friends left.. I feel like I've lost my ability to critically think.. Moreover, the most basic socialization step... It all feels alien to me... How my normal peers act.. I haven't met a single person like me or worse than me... It feels like I've relapsed over the course of two years... I'm so embarrassed of how I'd become and i know my relatives are talking shit behind my back of how disappointing of a child i became and that they think being an only child has a huge factor for it which is actually freaking wrong, i have seen only childs' that has excelled in their chosen field in school.. I guess i was just fated to experience this hell.. So if you're a parent reading this, please don't leave your child neglected emotionally, ask them about their day, be patient with them when they're asking something.
and also be understanding yet give them life values , aka always talk to them... Give them life advices and encourage them until you can, until they have the will to take on things because once they lose it.... There will be no going back and I don't know if you can ever get that will back... I have no means of knowing since I'm still stuck .. It hurts to be like this...
i just wanna drink poison and die peacefully in my sleep... I'm so lucky to have my parents in this life. Hopefully in the next one I'll be more strong and can make them happy.. if I'd get a chance to have them as parents in my next life, I'd absolutely say yes... I just don't know what my turning point was... i swear i haven't felt genuine happiness in years..
can anybody save me from this prison of a mind i have created... I'm... losing myself
I just want to go back two years ago in the pandemic... I want to do all the things i didn't get to... It was wayy better for someone who have social anxiety living in those times...
I have always been voided of social occasions and interactions even in my younger years and back then i couldn't understand what the problem was but it turns out i just wasn't strong enough mentally and back then I'd have already suffered social anxiety but it was left untreated until i reached 18... they say it isn't too late but the consequences of my actions are showing up... I don't have any more friends left.. I feel like I've lost my ability to critically think.. Moreover, the most basic socialization step... It all feels alien to me... How my normal peers act.. I haven't met a single person like me or worse than me... It feels like I've relapsed over the course of two years... I'm so embarrassed of how I'd become and i know my relatives are talking shit behind my back of how disappointing of a child i became and that they think being an only child has a huge factor for it which is actually freaking wrong, i have seen only childs' that has excelled in their chosen field in school.. I guess i was just fated to experience this hell.. So if you're a parent reading this, please don't leave your child neglected emotionally, ask them about their day, be patient with them when they're asking something.
and also be understanding yet give them life values , aka always talk to them... Give them life advices and encourage them until you can, until they have the will to take on things because once they lose it.... There will be no going back and I don't know if you can ever get that will back... I have no means of knowing since I'm still stuck .. It hurts to be like this...
i just wanna drink poison and die peacefully in my sleep... I'm so lucky to have my parents in this life. Hopefully in the next one I'll be more strong and can make them happy.. if I'd get a chance to have them as parents in my next life, I'd absolutely say yes... I just don't know what my turning point was... i swear i haven't felt genuine happiness in years..
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