Upper class/ lower class

[suffering]

I was born in a relatively wealthy family. Not Donald Trump like, but at least in the community I was born in, I was in the 1%. I was born good looking and smart also, I never experienced envy in my formative years and although I was no rich superstar, I never felt like I don't belong or that I'm inferior in anyway to anyone, not even the rich and famous. I dreamed big and the sky was the limit.
In my early twenties, due to my parents very extremely abusive, I cut off contact with them. I had a good job and I also had my youth, starting from 0 financially with no safety net seemed doable and it definitely was, to some extent. I made money, I spent money, I took risks, I traveled, etc. My professional life was to some degree turbulent, I never loved what I did, I craved meaning in my life, I never could bullshit like others did. I quit my jobs often. But that didn't bother me. I was chasing a free, luxurious, independent life and if that doesn't happen.. "I can always kill myself". I counted on suicide like the plan B that is always there. I would go out in a blaze of glory, drive a convertible over a cliff, live a luxurious life and then blow my head off. Life was good, or so I thought.
As time went by and my contempt for society increased, my view of life changed. I was always the philosophical kind, but when I finally saw though all the illusions, I drifted on the path of no return of pessimism and antinatalism. My life became hell.
I stopped working and I started to isolate myself. And as all the illusions faded a way, my youth also started to fade away.
It was time to end it. It was time for plan B. But, as many of us have discovered, the survival instinct is too strong for some of us. The plan B I always counted on, my escape, my salvation.... was yet another illusion. The door to freedom was closed. I lived for a while in isolation and desperation, refusing to work, eating into my savings until I almost became broke, giving up on everything and on everyone.
I am now back in the rat race. I rented a cheap room close to work, I try to save every penny I can. When you live with the knowledge that you are trapped here, no money is enough. "What if I get sick?". "Who is going to take care of me in old age?", "do they abuse people in nursing homes?". etc.
I sometimes walk the streets and I look at people, at restaurants and at cars. I never felt like this before. I feel like a hobo. Hell, I suppose that by the definition, I actually am a hobo. Even the poor people... if they have a supportive family, they are safer than me, they have a safety net. Or if they have the courage to end it whenever they want, then they are free.

Lower class is not about being poor. Lower class is about being trapped.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Lower class is not about being poor. Lower class is about being trapped.

The fall from the top is the hardest, once your at the bottom there is no way to go but up. Sorry to hear you have taken that fall,
And your right, down here at the bottom there is often no way out, its hell here.

 

[Halo13]

I was born in a relatively wealthy family. Not Donald Trump like, but at least in the community I was born in, I was in the 1%. I was born good looking and smart also, I never experienced envy in my formative years and although I was no rich superstar, I never felt like I don't belong or that I'm inferior in anyway to anyone, not even the rich and famous. I dreamed big and the sky was the limit.
In my early twenties, due to my parents very extremely abusive, I cut off contact with them. I had a good job and I also had my youth, starting from 0 financially with no safety net seemed doable and it definitely was, to some extent. I made money, I spent money, I took risks, I traveled, etc. My professional life was to some degree turbulent, I never loved what I did, I craved meaning in my life, I never could bullshit like others did. I quit my jobs often. But that didn't bother me. I was chasing a free, luxurious, independent life and if that doesn't happen.. "I can always kill myself". I counted on suicide like the plan B that is always there. I would go out in a blaze of glory, drive a convertible over a cliff, live a luxurious life and then blow my head off. Life was good, or so I thought.
As time went by and my contempt for society increased, my view of life changed. I was always the philosophical kind, but when I finally saw though all the illusions, I drifted on the path of no return of pessimism and antinatalism. My life became hell.
I stopped working and I started to isolate myself. And as all the illusions faded a way, my youth also started to fade away.
It was time to end it. It was time for plan B. But, as many of us have discovered, the survival instinct is too strong for some of us. The plan B I always counted on, my escape, my salvation.... was yet another illusion. The door to freedom was closed. I lived for a while in isolation and desperation, refusing to work, eating into my savings until I almost became broke, giving up on everything and on everyone.
I am now back in the rat race. I rented a cheap room close to work, I try to save every penny I can. When you live with the knowledge that you are trapped here, no money is enough. "What if I get sick?". "Who is going to take care of me in old age?", "do they abuse people in nursing homes?". etc.
I sometimes walk the streets and I look at people, at restaurants and at cars. I never felt like this before. I feel like a hobo. Hell, I suppose that by the definition, I actually am a hobo. Even the poor people... if they have a supportive family, they are safer than me, they have a safety net. Or if they have the courage to end it whenever they want, then they are free.

Lower class is not about being poor. Lower class is about being trapped.

The expression "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" describes the trapped state of someone living like this. If you were to picture a person on the ground physically trying to do this, they would be going in endless circles - never up. It's an endless cycle that is extremely difficult to get out of because if something comes up, anything you may have saved has to be spent. For example, if someone gets sick, they have to go to the doctor, pay for the visit and medication (if uninsured) and literally can't afford to miss work. Missing even a couple days when sick can result in electricity being shut off, a landlord yelling about late rent, eating 20 cent packs of Ramen noodles for days or nothing at all...it is absolutely feeling trapped. I haven't just been there - I am there now, also.

There's no way to go up when you're one step away from being on the streets. The reality of living in poverty is so harsh and that if your Plan B (ctb) fails, you'll be in a worse position is extremely daunting. I wonder about people in the same way when I go out walking - how fortunate they are because I'm poor, alone, no friends or family to help. Your post hits home for me, wish you were in a better situation. It does take courage and strength to cut contact with abusive family so I applaud you for that. I'd rather be utterly alone struggling to make ends meet than anywhere near the narcissists in my family. Good for you!

 

[LaBrava]

Hits home with me also. Although I've never lived some glamorous life, a few years ago I had a job that paid okay and lived in a rented flat in my country's capital city and spent my weekends going to arthouse cinemas and galleries. I'm now in a hellish minimum wage retail job in a dead end town with no apparent way out. The fall feels hard indeed.

 

[TAW122]

This is a good, insight post. While my family is around lower middle class and was raised in a middle class family, I can relate to your post in various aspects. After college and graduate school, I've mostly been finding my way around the world and while I am living with some roommates and a nice landlady, my situation isn't really tenable after a certain time. I am just making ends meet and I know in the future, things will get hard. However, I do have a plan B (and proper method - firearms), ever since December 2018. I always had on the back of my mind that if things really suck, I give myself permission to off myself and exit this harsh, unforgiving society and world. I cannot say with absolute certainty that I will follow through and beat my survival instinct 100% guaranteed, however, I am confident that I will be able to given how desperate I've been and also that I've been mentally prepared for many years. I'd had suicide ideation since my teenage years, when family life, school life, and things in life in general just sucked. That follow throughout college, knowing that life just plain sucks and the small comforts just make life enough to be 'tolerable'. I never truly went out and exclaimed 'life is good' or really felt that (unlike what most normies and majority of people in society would like to think). Even in the good times, I usually felt that hey, at least I'll stick around longer, things aren't so bad and I'd like to experience a bit more fun before I go.

There were times where I came close though, a few years ago, a year ago, and recently, just a few months ago. All those times, I was on the edge, only a catalyst away from following through with my plan to CTB at a given date.

 

[Final Escape]

It sucks not having a safety net. At one time in the US there were more private forms of charity for vulnerable people but not nowadays. The state stepped in and took over and instead of creating less poverty and social exclusion there's a whole lot more of it. The best thing to do if u are alone and vulnerable is to try to meet people however u can and get outside of yourself. Be involved know your neighbors so in case u need help you have people to turn to. If you can be useful or there for other people it gives u a kind of insurance when something bad happens to u. This can be hard though and you need to be able to properly distinguish between people who are capable of empathy and ones that aren't.