Venting Update that no one cares about

[Charaltontin]

So last time I posted I wanted to cbt but ended up failing and going to the hospital cause the noose I think popped some blood vessels and made some redish purple blues (idk) dots all around my face it's gone now but it sucked, I tried running away but got sexual assaulted I think molested is the word but got away home safe, I haven't told anyone but like two people it's something I can't forget but trying so hard to at least push it in the back of my head...idk,I forgot what I posted but I think I mentioned I went to a mental care hospital I made some good friends there too, I wasn't ready to leave I mean staying in helped alot but leaving back to where everything was the same and shitty at home didn't help, medication still doesn't seem to work so I numb myself with alot of nic and pot maybe gonna try some new stuff but idk, oh and work is awful I worked with my dad in finishing for a wage of $6/h not worth it especially full time, from 8-7 got out and in school again cause I failed last year so I'm back in school with no friends and making friends is kinda hard not cause I can't but I don't seem to connect well with the people I try to talk to everyone is boring and basic lol, while I was working I saved up for alot of stuff I wanted (forgot to mention my parents take half my pay) but I ended up getting a VR and a ps Vita to mod and I had fun with it for a while but it only lasts so long till I get bored of it, new clothes shoot even a skirt and thigh highs shared it with some people I'm comfortable with but no one seemed impressed so it's on me lol, parents are getting divorced so I gotta be there for my family, I'm really worn out and tired so stressed but I gotta stay here because it's wrong to ctb even though it's my decision I just can't seem to die, I sought help and it doesn't phase me maybe it's just me and maybe I'm in the wrong and I'm expected to be stong and happy and cheerful for everyone cause if I'm not no one wants to talk to me..I'll just be a sad bum who depresses people again and I don't want that, I thought I could trust people but maybe I took it too far and that's why everyone left or doesn't want to talk to me but when I'm active and everything then yeah, sleep has been awful I sleep normally sleep 6-7 hours cause of school but I don't feel rested my appetite sucks but I force myself to eat, I can't help but feel like everything is my fault like my fucking head is the one fucking with me when I'm trying my hardest to try to be okay I'm so overwhelmed and I can't take it anymore but I HAVE to stay and I hate it, I've tried so many coping methods and still try, distracting myself, talking to people, trying to relax but when your life is a busy hell hole it's hard you know, so much has happened and so much is happening idk how much more I can take of it, Im pretty sure there's alot more I'm missing but I just needed to vent I haven't had anyone I can trust to talk to mostly been trying to focus on myself but ig I'm doing this all wrong I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[burglarlydante]

I feel you bro... My "life" is kinda a hell too, I don't live anymore I just.... EXIST and survive every single day, with fake smiles, fake words, fake people, fake friends, fake parents that give you a fake support and a fuckin miserable and fake life.
I feel dysphoria all the time and my si is 1000%, and I feel like nobody is listening to me.
I'm an artist, but I'm unmotivated and feel like there's people "watching" and "reading" my thoughts idk.
And my psychotic crisis is getting in a infenal level of strength, and my anger issues.
and also my ptsd, that fucks me up haha
I need to ctb soon, nobody would care anyway
you can pm me if you need someone to talk.

 

[Charaltontin]

I feel you bro... My "life" is kinda a hell too, I don't live anymore I just.... EXIST and survive every single day, with fake smiles, fake words, fake people, fake friends, fake parents that give you a fake support and a fuckin miserable and fake life.
I feel dysphoria all the time and my si is 1000%, and I feel like nobody is listening to me.
I'm an artist, but I'm unmotivated and feel like there's people "watching" and "reading" my thoughts idk.
And my psychotic crisis is getting in a infenal level of strength, and my anger issues.
and also my ptsd, that fucks me up haha
I need to ctb soon, nobody would care anyway
you can pm me if you need someone to talk.

EXACTLY "I just exist" I'm just here I get that, I completely understand and it's sucks so much, and got it same here I hope things get better for you

 

[pole]

jesus, I'm sorry about what you went through.

a failed attempt is traumatic, but what you went through with being assaulted is hell. slaving for something below minimum wage ontop of everything your going through just puts it over the top and I can't imagine how exhausted you became from life.

it sounds like you feel stuck more than anything. coping methods only do so much. I hope things get better and school serves as a distraction for you and things turn around for you down the line.

take care.

 

[Charaltontin]

jesus, I'm sorry about what you went through.

a failed attempt is traumatic, but what you went through with being assaulted is hell. slaving for something below minimum wage ontop of everything your going through just puts it over the top and I can't imagine how exhausted you became from life.

it sounds like you feel stuck more than anything. coping methods only do so much. I hope things get better and school serves as a distraction for you and things turn around for you down the line.

take care.

I hope so too but honestly, what could happen for everything to change for the better?

 

[pole]

I hope so too but honestly, what could happen for everything to change for the better?

honestly, i don't know because i'm not in your shoes.

i just hope good things come your way. stuff that stressed you out or has bothered you for a long time figures itself out and things just change for the better in your life.

it isn't much and a lot of us don't care if stuff changes or if good things happen. but you've gone through a lot, so i hope you get a chance to experience something other than the hurt and pain you've gone through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, it sounds like you have been through a lot. Living really is tiring and painful, I understand that. I exist for the sake of existing. It is hard when everything feels hopeless, but I wish you well.