Update on hormones put inside glute.

[Final Escape]

I really notice the difference now. I'm beginning to regain interest in doing things. Venturing out of the apartment and wanting to do stuff. I feel my motivation is coming back. It's a little scary to go from not being able to hardly leave the apartment to now going places with no anxiety or concentration problems. Makes me want to cry because I've been feeling so bad so long and figured I'm just lazy or it's like all my fault that I can't improve my situation. The cognitive function is improving. It's very noticeable. I've also been doing EMDR online again, that's helping a lot. I just use the eye movement tool wen I'm sad or having difficult emotions come up and I can't seem to get things done. It works in like 15 or 20 mins to process what is going on in your unconscious and then u can get shit done. Simple tool yet so effective.

 

[Final Escape]

Yet I still think I want to ctb, but it has more to do with just not being able to reverse the past. It's like yea I feel good but I needed to function better years ago when I still had options. Now it's like yay I'm middle age and desperately alone and not looking forward to older age alone. Like what's the point? Plus with untreated borderline and complex ptsd.