kazuto72057
Member
- Oct 25, 2023
- 7
So i have ordered SN this is the first time i have felt so much control over my life i got more than enough to try multiple times (Just in case) mainly so if my meds to keep me from throwing up fail me now i am not scared of potential pain call me sadistic but its the only thing that has made me feel alive other than drowning myself in smoking weed and sex yes i acknowledge that yes its not healthy but even getting a job paying off my debts and things i wished to get as a child and young teen didn't fill my "soul" and that's how i reached my conclusion with just calling it quits regardless of if my friends and family care its my choice and like with all things mental "they wont understand" i know my bestfriends knew this was coming and we have all been under the whole "if its your choice alone and no one else influences it and you have made a effort to try and repair then i wont stop you" since about middle school so really the only people that will be confused are the people who didn't know or really care about me. same thing as earlier this week i dont feel like i am in a depressive state i honestly feel "perfectly" normal or at least what's been my normal for god knows how long. i am expecting to take it before tomorrow (its 5:40 AM for me rn) and should i fail i guess ill try again after my shift at work LMAO
