Update I guess?

[ChickFilAGift]

I last posted in 2023 and the funny thing is, nothing has changed. I feel like I was meant to fail. The only update is now I'm diagnosed with more shut. I feel like I'm collecting Pokémon badges and I hate it. Depression, anxiety, ptsd, adhd. I just wanna be normal I guess? Have a drive. Know what I'm meant to do. Be able to actually sit in a class. Anything , everything. I wish I was capable at something more than just mobile games. I have hope I think? But it's fading. Idk anymore

 

[justanotherfailure]

More diagnostics don't mean you're any less valuable as a person. Please try to keep holding on to hope if you can. If life has a purpose, keep pursuing it. If it doesn't, you can't fail at life - so make the most of your time here. Even if it's difficult, it's worth it in the end

 

[ChickFilAGift]

More diagnostics don't mean you're any less valuable as a person. Please try to keep holding on to hope if you can. If life has a purpose, keep pursuing it. If it doesn't, you can't fail at life - so make the most of your time here. Even if it's difficult, it's worth it in the end

I'm still with him. He still fries most of my college work. When it comes to tests I nearly fail. I don't know what he gets out of this relationship. Many days I can't even get up and make it to class. I keep gaining weight. I just wish I knew how to make it stop. I'm in therapy trying new medication. I wanna be normal

 

[justanotherfailure]

Some people don't pursue relationships because they get something out of it. Some people want to be friends with you because they actually care about you

 

[ChickFilAGift]

Some people don't pursue relationships because they get something out of it. Some people want to be friends with you because they actually care about you

I guess my self esteem is so low that it's hard to conceptualize there not being a gain from me and that someone can just want to be there. It's harsh especially cause he's my boyfriend. I only see it transactional on one side. I know for me I don't date him for gain, I do love him in and out. But it's hard to think it can happen like that the other way around yk?

 

[justanotherfailure]

I guess my self esteem is so low that it's hard to conceptualize there not being a gain from me and that someone can just want to be there. It's harsh especially cause he's my boyfriend. I only see it transactional on one side. I know for me I don't date him for gain, I do love him in and out. But it's hard to think it can happen like that the other way around yk?

I get that, I do the same thing myself. I've never understood why anyone would want to be friends with me. But the truth is, no matter how badly you've messed up, true friends are there to love you no matter what. Those types of friends aren't easy to come by, but he actually cares about you, cares how you're doing, and he'll be there for you when you feel like you're not enough. Focusing on that instead of questioning why he would ever love you can help you appreciate that friendship even more. Again, I know it's hard to avoid those thoughts that tell you that you aren't good enough for him, that he would be better off without you. But the truth is, he wants to be with you, and he wouldn't be better off without you because he just wants to be with you. Just appreciating that can make your life a whole lot better