Flume
Villain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 300
I just wanted to share this. Because when I think about it's just really weird and I can't believe that this actually happened to me.
I trusted one person... one. I have told my thoughts of death to a lot of people, but all of them have a very strong professional secrecy so it doesn't really count. But this year I talked with a girl that I meet on the internet, we talked over the phone for a few months. And after a while I could tell that she was hiding something from me. Time goes... and due to many reasons I decided to cut if off. So I call to tell her, and during that call I find out that she is possibly schizophrenic and has voices in her head, one voice in particular told her to kill herself multiple times.
She told me it was fine now, and not that bad at all... she beat it. I asked when it started and she told me it was just after a pet of hers had died. This was the only one... I've EVER talked to that I trusted. The only one. But I couldn't keep talking to her I just couldn't. And I definitely couldn't tell her about my suicidal thoughts... what would the voice in her head say? If it started with a pet dying, what the fuck would this voice say if I left. (which will happen sooner or later) I would seriously endanger this persons health. And I didn't want to risk it, this person was already having a really hard time... laying this on her would only make things way way worse.
I can't fucking believe that this actually happened to me, the one I have trust in have voices in her telling her to kill herself. And here I am... ready to go any day. It's one thing to do this yourself, but I didn't want to drag her into shit to. She was not strong enough to deal with it, not strong enough for me to lay this weight on her... so I broke it off. And I feel bad for it, but the least amount of pain comes from me leaving without saying that I plan to die. So that's what I choose to do. I didn't want to risk it with this voice she told me about, I didn't want her to be in more pain and deal with it again.
This reality really doesn't fucking care at all, keeps knocking you down until you can barely breathe anymore.
I trusted one person... one. I have told my thoughts of death to a lot of people, but all of them have a very strong professional secrecy so it doesn't really count. But this year I talked with a girl that I meet on the internet, we talked over the phone for a few months. And after a while I could tell that she was hiding something from me. Time goes... and due to many reasons I decided to cut if off. So I call to tell her, and during that call I find out that she is possibly schizophrenic and has voices in her head, one voice in particular told her to kill herself multiple times.
She told me it was fine now, and not that bad at all... she beat it. I asked when it started and she told me it was just after a pet of hers had died. This was the only one... I've EVER talked to that I trusted. The only one. But I couldn't keep talking to her I just couldn't. And I definitely couldn't tell her about my suicidal thoughts... what would the voice in her head say? If it started with a pet dying, what the fuck would this voice say if I left. (which will happen sooner or later) I would seriously endanger this persons health. And I didn't want to risk it, this person was already having a really hard time... laying this on her would only make things way way worse.
I can't fucking believe that this actually happened to me, the one I have trust in have voices in her telling her to kill herself. And here I am... ready to go any day. It's one thing to do this yourself, but I didn't want to drag her into shit to. She was not strong enough to deal with it, not strong enough for me to lay this weight on her... so I broke it off. And I feel bad for it, but the least amount of pain comes from me leaving without saying that I plan to die. So that's what I choose to do. I didn't want to risk it with this voice she told me about, I didn't want her to be in more pain and deal with it again.
This reality really doesn't fucking care at all, keeps knocking you down until you can barely breathe anymore.
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