Everyone claims that people who are depressed/suicidal just want someone to listen, and don't want advice on how to fix things. I'm the opposite. I feel frustrated and impatient if someone merely goes on about how they understand or care or feel sorry, because it doesn't change anything. It just wastes my time with ineffective words. I wish I could ask someone to help me find ways to get better but nobody knows and nobody wants to try to analyze or brainstorm, only offer useless words. It bothers me that the opposite of what I need is given as general advice. I've always preferred facts/objects/actions to vague feelings and sympathy... People can just fake the latter anyway. I don't care if someone thinks they understand because it doesn't make me feel any different... I just want some ideas on how to get out of this pain.
drownedbutdrifting
Member
- Feb 28, 2020
- 5
I don't think this site would exist if someone had the "solutions"
sounds like your still willing to fight tho.
sounds like your still willing to fight tho.
Problems basically involve anhedonia and exhaustion. Feeling tired all the time, my memory getting worse, feeling random explosions of pain... I realize that there aren't clear solutions to them, but it's just nice when I hear people suggest ideas, even if they're not quick fixes. And since suicide is physically out of reach right now, I'm trying my best to fight off the pain since all I really want is for the pain to go and for the energy to come.
Anyway, I phrased the original post a bit misleadingly since I was rather frustrated earlier. It's still nice when people offer kind words, I'm just bothered when people say the "suicidal people are not looking for advice" phrase because different people can have different needs when suffering. It extends to anything really, any "people of x demographic want y" because I find myself to be an outlier most of the time. Thanks guys.
Anyway, I phrased the original post a bit misleadingly since I was rather frustrated earlier. It's still nice when people offer kind words, I'm just bothered when people say the "suicidal people are not looking for advice" phrase because different people can have different needs when suffering. It extends to anything really, any "people of x demographic want y" because I find myself to be an outlier most of the time. Thanks guys.
Anhedonia , friend, is a difficult state to treat, in my opinion, given its existential roots. I am not trying to pry, but we're you a drug user? Many who were users develop the problem, in part because the pleasure pathways in the brain have been "burnt out" due to overload. As someone who is anhedonia, I sadly know what it is about.
I_love_to_bake
Student
- Feb 27, 2020
- 167
I also suffer from anhedonia. It really sucks when you try to escape the pain and it only gets worse.
As far as concrete advice, I can throw things at you if you'd really like. Journalling, exercise, therapy, a good support system, a satisfying job, a sense of belongingness, a sense of being needed, backpacking trip, guided psychedelic therapy trips, extreme sports, practicing metacognition. These are just ideas.
You are ultimately your own best therapist. Not to be cliche If you could wake up tommorow with no depression and a childlike sense of adventure, what would you do? Where do you think you would go? Just something to ponder...
Good luck friend :)
Writing that list, I can see why people hesitate to give advice. They're afraid of being wrong and the stakes are extremely high when you are talking to a suicidal person. Most people can't handle that. Like, extreme sports might be a bad idea. But who knows. Maybe you need that deeply exhilarating sensation to break through the anhedonia barrier. Maybe it will do nothing. Maybe you will just feel more depressed. But who can really say? So that's why advice is hard to seek out sometimes for us.
As far as concrete advice, I can throw things at you if you'd really like. Journalling, exercise, therapy, a good support system, a satisfying job, a sense of belongingness, a sense of being needed, backpacking trip, guided psychedelic therapy trips, extreme sports, practicing metacognition. These are just ideas.
You are ultimately your own best therapist. Not to be cliche If you could wake up tommorow with no depression and a childlike sense of adventure, what would you do? Where do you think you would go? Just something to ponder...
Good luck friend :)
Writing that list, I can see why people hesitate to give advice. They're afraid of being wrong and the stakes are extremely high when you are talking to a suicidal person. Most people can't handle that. Like, extreme sports might be a bad idea. But who knows. Maybe you need that deeply exhilarating sensation to break through the anhedonia barrier. Maybe it will do nothing. Maybe you will just feel more depressed. But who can really say? So that's why advice is hard to seek out sometimes for us.
I feel exactly the same in my situation. I am happy to chat and we can swap notes if you like
have you been to a doctor to see if it's not some underlying physical or biological problem? For example low vitamin D and certain blood disorders can cause depression. Just making sure you've gone to a doctor yet to begin to look for some answers.
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I can't help but think that there has to be some sort of existential/philosophical basis for the problem, or that some genetic issues are at work, namely, problems of conceiving of pleasure to begin with.
Are you familiar with the French poet Charles Baudelaire? I am convinced that he suffered from this problem. Years of hashish use didn't help the either.
No, never been a drug user, they're not my thing. Not even light alcohol or coffee. Just been like this since childhood, and it's just my entire life experience. Early experiences with ostracism and abuse play a role, but I've had a frightened personality before that so perhaps I was born different. Nowadays I'm not anxious around people but my personality is still very much considered unideal in society, which does feel threatening.
There are things and people in life that I like but cannot derive happiness from. I know I like them but feeling any joy is a different thing. All I really want is to be able to feel that joy, and enjoy those things. I'm not looking for anything extravagant, just the ability to feel at peace and to not get random bursts of pain. So I don't think I would significantly change what I do, because I just want to be able to connect with what I'm already involved with.
One thing which reliably breaks me out of numbness is when I get a chance to voice/debate something to others in real life, but it is very rare that anybody around here is willing to listen, so it's not something I can do at will without the support of another person. I know that there is something my (long distance) friend does that helps but it is hard to remember anything positive, my brain blocks it.
I'm still in the process of testing for physical problems. So far, it seems that I am entirely physically young and healthy.
There are things and people in life that I like but cannot derive happiness from. I know I like them but feeling any joy is a different thing. All I really want is to be able to feel that joy, and enjoy those things. I'm not looking for anything extravagant, just the ability to feel at peace and to not get random bursts of pain. So I don't think I would significantly change what I do, because I just want to be able to connect with what I'm already involved with.
One thing which reliably breaks me out of numbness is when I get a chance to voice/debate something to others in real life, but it is very rare that anybody around here is willing to listen, so it's not something I can do at will without the support of another person. I know that there is something my (long distance) friend does that helps but it is hard to remember anything positive, my brain blocks it.
I'm still in the process of testing for physical problems. So far, it seems that I am entirely physically young and healthy.
Lastravel
Member
- Feb 23, 2020
- 95
I would advice you first to get a diagnosis with some specialist. Psychiatrist can help if you tell them what troubles you were going through in your life.
If you ask here we can give you advice and tips but if there is a biological issue behind it won't be enough.
From what you say I deduce that you want to fight your problems which is a good point. Some of us are not in this mood anymore because we have already tried many options and now we are tired of fighting. This is why people in this forum show empathy toward the one who want to ctb but I think no one here will encourage someone to ctb.
If you ask here we can give you advice and tips but if there is a biological issue behind it won't be enough.
From what you say I deduce that you want to fight your problems which is a good point. Some of us are not in this mood anymore because we have already tried many options and now we are tired of fighting. This is why people in this forum show empathy toward the one who want to ctb but I think no one here will encourage someone to ctb.
Have you tried vitamins? Very high doses. I was very depressed out of nowhere all the time, like yes I was sad but this was much worse, and it came like a wave over me all of a sudden. Also I could feel like building in my stomach. I tried some folic acid(5mg) for only 4 days and I have gotten better. Try researching what vitamins help for your problem and don't overlook this as being the cause of the problem. Vitamins can be very powerful in high doses. I really hope this helps you.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I had a solution and didn't do it. I basically signed my own death certificate. For the last decade the only solution has been to go back in time. Time going forward hasn't helped and I knew it wouldn't. So even talking about it is pointless but somehow I'm still here posting like a madman
I agree one of the most frustrating things when "getting help" is when they say they understand and try to do things you enjoy and that stuff or ask what do you enjoy doing? When I answer that I don't really enjoy anything I just sit on computer on sites or YouTube or Netflix type stuff.
That say see you enjoy doing all that just try to build on it and suggest having a carer to take me to the cinema because I said I watch films. Trying to find solution to something that they can't even get their head around that I literally don't enjoy anything to what would be considered a normal degree,I just tend to hate certain things less than others in life.
Then they just babble on and give up usually saying I'm being uncooperative. When it isn't that at all. It is just the simple fact I don't enjoy anything and see no worth in my life or anything.
They can't accept that is possible and there must be a reason or answer to it all.
That say see you enjoy doing all that just try to build on it and suggest having a carer to take me to the cinema because I said I watch films. Trying to find solution to something that they can't even get their head around that I literally don't enjoy anything to what would be considered a normal degree,I just tend to hate certain things less than others in life.
Then they just babble on and give up usually saying I'm being uncooperative. When it isn't that at all. It is just the simple fact I don't enjoy anything and see no worth in my life or anything.
They can't accept that is possible and there must be a reason or answer to it all.
waterbottleman
Not a person
- Sep 30, 2019
- 721
I_love_to_bake
Student
- Feb 27, 2020
- 167
It almost seems like psychiatrists will either be one of two ways. They might seek to understand their patient. Or they might seek to make their patient understand. It all comes down to ego, maybe. But unfortunately so many of us are stuck with the second type
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