
Boots2Scoots
Piece of dirt
- Jan 23, 2025
- 108
Unforgivable is what I am. Another fucked up blip in the timeline of the universe. Another once good mind that strayed way too far from normalcy. Deranged, depraved, sick. Those are the three words I'd use to describe myself.
In most ways, I am a good person and I acknowledge that. I love to help all living creatures. My real joy comes from making others smile, even if it costs me some anguish. I wish I had thrived on that more and leaned into my dark side less.
Deranged, depraved, sick. That's what I am or at least was at the end of the day. Crossed some terrible lines that nobody should cross. Lumped myself in with a group that should be tortured and exterminated. So why should I allow myself anything different? Why should I go against my own morals again... that's what landed me here in the first place? There's no reason to keep pushing on.
I find an excuse every single day to make it bedtime, pass out, and try it all again. Hoping that the new day will somehow be better. But the memories are still there. The knowledge of what's to come in my future is still there. Forced to wear a hideously fake mask until I'm exposed to the world. They say good people make bad decisions sometimes.... but not like this.
I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And soon I'll be alone. Soon, everybody I know will hate me and cast me aside. Soon, everything I've worked so fucking hard for, the future I had built, will be gone and unattainable. I'm just another corrupted blip in the timeline of the universe... be good to others and to yourself. Put your best foot forward always and never EVER second guess yourself in the ways that I did. If you think you're making the wrong choice, you probably are big dawg. I love you all, and I hope with everything inside of me that today is my last.
In most ways, I am a good person and I acknowledge that. I love to help all living creatures. My real joy comes from making others smile, even if it costs me some anguish. I wish I had thrived on that more and leaned into my dark side less.
Deranged, depraved, sick. That's what I am or at least was at the end of the day. Crossed some terrible lines that nobody should cross. Lumped myself in with a group that should be tortured and exterminated. So why should I allow myself anything different? Why should I go against my own morals again... that's what landed me here in the first place? There's no reason to keep pushing on.
I find an excuse every single day to make it bedtime, pass out, and try it all again. Hoping that the new day will somehow be better. But the memories are still there. The knowledge of what's to come in my future is still there. Forced to wear a hideously fake mask until I'm exposed to the world. They say good people make bad decisions sometimes.... but not like this.
I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And soon I'll be alone. Soon, everybody I know will hate me and cast me aside. Soon, everything I've worked so fucking hard for, the future I had built, will be gone and unattainable. I'm just another corrupted blip in the timeline of the universe... be good to others and to yourself. Put your best foot forward always and never EVER second guess yourself in the ways that I did. If you think you're making the wrong choice, you probably are big dawg. I love you all, and I hope with everything inside of me that today is my last.
