If I had the capacity too hang myself I'd be long gone. I've found myself with a noose around my neck, afew times but never followed through. Not because I didn't want too die, but because of the aftermath. Living in a small town I know id either be found hanging by someone I know, or a child out playing in the woods. Even though I wouldn't be able too know, I just couldn't put someone through the trauma.
I decided too go with charcoal, and have all the items gathered, and a place where I could be alone all night in mind. Sorted. But too be sure I started gathering all needed for the SN method, too be used hand in hand with the charcoal too be absolutely sure I won't wake up. Just waiting on the Tagamet which should be here within 3 weeks.
But this morning when I woke up from another night of dreaming of my past glories, my very first thought was how I'd like too go in my own bed. A Friday night after another exhausting weeks work, stay awake til about 3am. Have my pills and the SN, a couple shots of vodka and hit the lights, ideally forever. I'd be left alone for a long time, about 4 hours before anyone awakens. And no one would disturb me for hours after as it's a regular thing for me these days too sleep for as long as I can. But I have 2 worries, having seizure and waking someone up who would save me. And being found dead, I know it would be my mum who finds me. It would be her who would realise I'd been asleep for a very long time. And I know she would think that if she had checked earlier, she could have saved me.
So however I end up doing this, I'm going too do it. And I know it's going too cause pain, but I want too minimalise that as much as I can.
I decided too go with charcoal, and have all the items gathered, and a place where I could be alone all night in mind. Sorted. But too be sure I started gathering all needed for the SN method, too be used hand in hand with the charcoal too be absolutely sure I won't wake up. Just waiting on the Tagamet which should be here within 3 weeks.
But this morning when I woke up from another night of dreaming of my past glories, my very first thought was how I'd like too go in my own bed. A Friday night after another exhausting weeks work, stay awake til about 3am. Have my pills and the SN, a couple shots of vodka and hit the lights, ideally forever. I'd be left alone for a long time, about 4 hours before anyone awakens. And no one would disturb me for hours after as it's a regular thing for me these days too sleep for as long as I can. But I have 2 worries, having seizure and waking someone up who would save me. And being found dead, I know it would be my mum who finds me. It would be her who would realise I'd been asleep for a very long time. And I know she would think that if she had checked earlier, she could have saved me.
So however I end up doing this, I'm going too do it. And I know it's going too cause pain, but I want too minimalise that as much as I can.
