Uncertainty

[O_oreo.]

I feel that after several semesters, I have a horrible slump, I feel that I will not be able to finish my career, I'm already in 7th grade but every time I go to college, I feel a horrible uncertainty, fear and sadness.
But I must fulfill my responsibility...
Other people scare me, the fear increases.
I no longer feel I have the abilities and I have a history of depression and I have just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
I want to die right now, I would like to hang myself, but I have no rope, I just have a belt.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find it to be awful how uncertain life is, as it means that there is the potential to suffer to such extreme amounts, I see existence to be something harmful as it's full of risks as everything is determined by chance and there is no limit as to how horrible existing can get. It does sound tiring what you have to go through, and it's understandable wishing to be free from it all, I wish you the best.

 

[voc_89]

i had a few 'episodes' while I was doing my Bsc and Msc. It wasn't ideal but what helped me catch back myself was going out on benders.... broke a few hearts intentionally doing that.... not my best moments.... but it helped me. My point specifically is talking a few weeks doing something different or outside of your day to day could improve your mood by reminding you that there is (and therefore will be) more to life than just studying, classes, stupid lecturers, exams and assignments.