Discussion Unable to feel proud

[DepressoEspresso]

Is anybody else unable to feel proud of achievements? Personal, educational, work-related, etc.

I've been in college for a while now and had okay...ish grades. With the magic of medication, I am able to focus and brought my grades up substantially. I don't feel proud. It could just be the pure hatred I have for my college.

That's just one use-case, I don't feel proud or happy with anything I achieve. The closest I've ever been to feeling proud is when I beat Halo 2 on legendary. It was more of a "thank God it's over" kind of feeling.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It was more of a "thank God it's over" kind of feeling.

I think there is some really complex psychology there. Many would argue different, but it's something I've also experienced and never found a way of reconciling it with 'normal' life.
I've never felt pride. Everything I've accomplished is only what I was capable of, nothing more. I only feel pride in what others do, not myself. Is that wrong? I don't know.

I'd welcome other input into this thread...

 

[Weather]

Yes, I very much feel this way. I can logically know that I have done well at something, but rather than feeling good/proud about it, I feel guilty as if I have somehow tricked someone. I also tend to completely ignore when I have a success and hyper-focus on when I fail. For example, I submitted three articles for publication over the past eight months; two were accepted and one was rejected, but with helpful comments I could incorporate to rewrite and submit elsewhere. All I can think about is how stupid I am, what a terrible academic I am, etc., for the one rejection. Even though, logically, I know everyone gets rejections all the time.

I think it's likely connected to reactions we received from people who were important to us (e.g., parents telling us our successes weren't a big deal or not to think that we were something special when we were children). It's also a trauma response to try to keep a low profile and not allow ourselves to be put in a position where we can be knocked down.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Yeah, I don't really feel much of anything. Even when I finished college and my favorite professors gave me pretty high praises, I felt...empty. One professor asked me how I felt about it all, I said "Eh, it's just something I did." And that's the truth. :/ Nothing has any actual meaning or sense of accomplishment.

 

[MrBlue]

Yes, I very much feel this way. I can logically know that I have done well at something, but rather than feeling good/proud about it, I feel guilty as if I have somehow tricked someone. I also tend to completely ignore when I have a success and hyper-focus on when I fail. For example, I submitted three articles for publication over the past eight months; two were accepted and one was rejected, but with helpful comments I could incorporate to rewrite and submit elsewhere. All I can think about is how stupid I am, what a terrible academic I am, etc., for the one rejection. Even though, logically, I know everyone gets rejections all the time.

I think it's likely connected to reactions we received from people who were important to us (e.g., parents telling us our successes weren't a big deal or not to think that we were something special when we were children). It's also a trauma response to try to keep a low profile and not allow ourselves to be put in a position where we can be knocked down.

Congrats on the published articles! I have the same response, I hyperfocus on my failings and any context within my successes that prove I shouldn't be proud of them. Yesterday I received a few academic awards for my graduation results and all I could think of was that I didn't have any life with friends/relationships like any normal person would and that's the only reason I won them. I almost threw them in the bin tbh.

Like you said, I think I realise I'm doing it to keep a low profile sometimes. Especially when I was younger, my achievements would often be mocked by kids and adults as being try-hard and my genuine interest in subjects or people as being desperate.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I think there is some really complex psychology there. Many would argue different, but it's something I've also experienced and never found a way of reconciling it with 'normal' life.
I've never felt pride. Everything I've accomplished is only what I was capable of, nothing more. I only feel pride in what others do, not myself. Is that wrong? I don't know.

I'd welcome other input into this thread...

What do you mean by "wrong"? Do you mean...abnormal? Bad? Invalid?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What do you mean by "wrong"? Do you mean...abnormal? Bad? Invalid?

I don't know, it was just a question. Is it wrong to feel pride in myself or in others for what I or we have accomplished? It wasn't a loaded question, just something I ask myself. If you ask yourself a similar question then only you have the answer.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I don't know, it was just a question. Is it wrong to feel pride in myself or in others for what I or we have accomplished? It wasn't a loaded question, just something I ask myself. If you ask yourself a similar question then only you have the answer.

Sorry. Wasn't sure if you were wanting more depth on your post or just in general.

 

[ecmnesia]

yes, i can relate.

taking as parameter people's notion of success I should be overly proud of myself, at least if I follow my peers belief. yet, i could not feel happy about any of my so called accomplishments. they are rather a burden than something i am proud of.

social and academic success is bullshit when you see the world through the lenses of reality or pessimism (im not sure, people just call me a pessimist even tho, i think of myself as a realistic one)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sorry. Wasn't sure if you were wanting more depth on your post or just in general.

All my posts are in general. I'm not looking for anything. I've done my time here and all I'm after is company, nothing else. I remain for my friends and also for an addiction that is bound to come to most who frequent this place. But no worries,

 

[All washed up]

Funnily enough I was asked what I felt proud of in irl.
I replied nothing as any past achievements imho don't really count for anything if your life is now totally messed up by stupid mistakes

 

[ecmnesia]

when I wonder about pride, the question "what is there in the world to be proud of" inevitably come. every accomplishment is irrelevant if you consider not only the vastness of cosmo but also the multitude of humanity, in the mist of so many lifes that were, are and will be, seems stupid to overly estimate individual doings.

personally i can't feel happy for anything i could possibly do when i think of others, and i am not talking about those who are higher then me in life, but about those who are said to be lower. how can it be a great deal to reach academic/social success when there are people dying in war and famine everywhere, everyday? what's the glory to succeed in such a rotten world?

idk if this train of thought makes sense or something, but it's how I see it.

 

[All washed up]

when I wonder about pride, the question "what is there in the world to be proud of" inevitably come. every accomplishment is irrelevant if you consider not only the vastness of cosmo but also the multitude of humanity, in the mist of so many lifes that were, are and will be, seems stupid to overly estimate individual doings.

personally i can't feel happy for anything i could possibly do when i think of others, and i am not talking about those who are higher then me in life, but about those who are said to be lower. how can it be a great deal to reach academic/social success when there are people dying in war and famine everywhere, everyday? what's the glory to succeed in such a rotten world?

idk if this train of thought makes sense or something, but it's how I see it.

It does make sense.
All my 'achievements' are just down to luck of where I was born

 

[LastFlowers]

What achievements lol

 

[ilovenightmares]

Not all all related to your original or follow up posts, but I (as many others I figure) suffer from imposter syndrome which makes it hard to feel proud of anything.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Is anybody else unable to feel proud of achievements? Personal, educational, work-related, etc.

I've been in college for a while now and had okay...ish grades. With the magic of medication, I am able to focus and brought my grades up substantially. I don't feel proud. It could just be the pure hatred I have for my college.

That's just one use-case, I don't feel proud or happy with anything I achieve. The closest I've ever been to feeling proud is when I beat Halo 2 on legendary. It was more of a "thank God it's over" kind of feeling.

100% friend.
I'm actually embarrassed my any 'achievements' I make.
To this end I have also stopped trying to achieve anything.
Love and respect to you my friend
DBD

 

[NightmareTour]

I always wondered if my brain was just so messed up that I couldn't feel a sense of achievement just through knowing for myself that I did something "well". I stopped doing art because it never really got noticed by anyone, and trying to feel proud of it by myself didn't work.

Then I started getting little bits of praise for things I did by other people, and... nothing. The closest thing I can get is that feeling of "it's done now" like you described. Maybe it's part of anhedonia. I don't really know for sure.

 

[demuic]

While others praise me for things, all I can see is my countless failures. It's hollow.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel this so much, except I know exactly why I tend to feel this way. In my case, it's because I've been cursed to immediately get my ass handed to me whenever I feel too much pride in anything significant. It has happened 100% of the time without fail. As soon as I ever get too cocky about anything, life is guaranteed to remind me that I'm its bitch and that I don't deserve to feel proud of myself. I can't even be proud of the fact that I discovered this law of nature because there are plenty of times where I get extra stupid and still need reminding.

That said, I know some things I COULD be proud of, but I don't, no matter how hard people try to tell me I should be. My meager accomplishments are quite easy to diminish by putting in just a little extra thought into it. For example, I can't feel proud of my degree because I knowingly BS'd my way through it all.

 

[nessun_nome]

This really hits a chord with me. I know the countless ways I fail all day every day and people just deny the truth. On top of that I can't fix the repeated ways that I fail and there's no excuse for that. I know how I used to be and that's a concrete measure for how useless I have become.

 

[deathLiberation]

I think it's likely connected to reactions we received from people who were important to us (e.g., parents telling us our successes weren't a big deal or not to think that we were something special when we were children). It's also a trauma response to try to keep a low profile and not allow ourselves to be put in a position where we can be knocked down.

I also think this could be the case.
My mother was always comparing me to others, and she still does that because that´s how she thinks people get motivated like "If that person has it, you can have it too."

The problem is that devalues your achievment and makes you look at others achievments as better because your were like a kind of "copy cat"
Doesnt feel like your own achievment.

Now let a kid try to make any reasoning out of this. It cant. Then it stays with your and screws you up until you can make some sense out of it.
One of the reasons why i think existence is a shitshow.

It still happens to me, i cant feel proud, i just do thinks and look at them as mediocre/normal, never feeling proud of the work i put into them. It sucks.
I guess trying to be less perfect and dont compare as often, might help.