Discussion Unable to connect with people, because of lack of interests.

[TheLastHumanRight]

When I talk with people, one of the main problems I often encounter, is that I am unable to find common interests to talk about, especially since I only have one interest I like to talk about.

Anyone else encounter similar problems?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

May I ask what the one interest that you like to talk about is?

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

Philosophy.

It really becomes a problem when most of my peers are a whole other place in their lives and don't find philosophy enjoyable to talk about.

Though currently, I am not in education.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Why dont you try just breaking into a conversation about something mundane...............here in the UK all we seem to talk about to folks is the weather!!!!!! Just comment on something and its surprising how other conversations on all sorts of topics happen. This is the only way I overcome my shyness and reticence to talk to people years ago. If you are into Philosophy, someone of your calibre should in theory find it easy as Philosophy covers so many common grounds anyway.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

Why dont you try just breaking into a conversation about something mundane...............here in the UK all we seem to talk about to folks is the weather!!!!!! Just comment on something and its surprising how other conversations on all sorts of topics happen. This is the only way I overcome my shyness and reticence to talk to people years ago. If you are into Philosophy, someone of your calibre should in theory find it easy as Philosophy covers so many common grounds anyway.

I have surprisingly enough become pretty good at small talk, and putting on a mask.
However it has made me hate talking to people, as I don't really get any enjoyment from talking with people and I have Autism, which complicates matters.

This problem mostly occurs with people that are around my age, so maybe when I get into some sort of employment, I might be better off. But that's hard to say.

 

[Jessamine]

When you talk to people just ask them questions about themselves (without being interrogatory!) as so many people love the chance to talk about themselves and it shows you're interested and a conversation could develop from whatever they say. Also.. you can apply philosophical thinking to so many areas of life. I bet you could get some good conversations going with what you know.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

i used to have interests but they are really limited but i ain't always gonna know long they will last before i feel numb again and can't feel emotions

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

When you talk to people just ask them questions about themselves (without being interrogatory!) as so many people love the chance to talk about themselves and it shows you're interested and a conversation could develop from whatever they say. Also.. you can apply philosophical thinking to so many areas of life. I bet you could get some good conversations going with what you know.

I can definitely get some interesting conversations, the problem I often encounter though is that the people I was surrounded with (I am currently not in education because of other problems, but when I was), would rather talk about sport, games, girls, etc. since I am 19, and my peers are around the same age.

That is why I have often found that people that are older then me are easier to talk with, since a lot more of them are able to talk about the complexities of life, and fun philosophical ideas.

Which is why I still hold hope for it being better when I get into some form of employment.

i used to have interests but they are really limited but i ain't always gonna know long they will last before i feel numb again and can't feel emotions

Can definitely relate, though philosophy has always been stable in that I have never lost interest. (except when depression hits, then everything can feel just as enjoyable as watching paint dry).

I also used to like playing video games, but that is sadly gone now.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

i find myself getting very flat very often even now i find my desensitised to everything, so if i went out and done a bit of weed or mixed with booze etc it would be meaningless for me to do the following week

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

i find myself getting very flat very often even now i find my desensitised to everything, so if i went out and done a bit of weed or mixed with booze etc it would be meaningless for me to do the following week

Do you know why you are being desensitized to everything, or did it just start randomly one day?

 

[Cevapcici]

You CAN find people who share your interests. You can also find people who don't, but are willing to discover what do you have to say about your interests, what books you would recommend them, ect... And philosophy is much more convenient to vulgarize to the public ...let's say...hard sciences like programming / biology ect...

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

You CAN find people who share your interests. You can also find people who don't, but are willing to discover what do you have to say about your interests, what books you would recommend them, ect... And philosophy is much more convenient to vulgarize to the public ...let's say...hard sciences like programming / biology ect...

This is where my other problems normally come to cripple me, autism, anxiety and sometimes depression when that shows up. Even when I try my best, I am normally not able to maintain relationships outside of a school environment, which limits me to a few people. I can E.g. not walk out into public space alone, without feeling anxious. Being around other people for a longer amount of time, making me exhausted. etc.

That is why I hope some form employment might be able to change my environment.

But thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Cevapcici]

This is where my other problems normally come to cripple me, autism, anxiety and sometimes depression when that shows up. Even when I try my best, I am normally not able to maintain relationships outside of a school environment, which limits me to a few people. I can E.g. not walk out into public space alone, without feeling anxious. Being around other people for a longer amount of time, making me exhausted. etc.

That is why I hope some form employment might be able to change my environment.

But thanks for the encouragement.

People are scared of becoming depressed, that's why they sometimes avoid people with obvious signs of depression. Nothing personal. Autism..well...I knew a few people on the spectrum, and all of them are doing better than me at life - ofc it does make things harder for you, but people who have common sense are usually understanding when they know you're autistic.

Id be happy to discuss philosophy, what is your favourite school of thought and why, ect... via pm, you seem like a well read person.

 

[Xaphous]

Yeah its part of the reason I havent tried to make friends for a long time, but then I struggle to know where to even meet said people and plus isolation for so many years has completely dumbed my mind. Its like I have no choice but to remain lonely and isolated.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

Yeah its part of the reason I havent tried to make friends for a long time, but then I struggle to know where to even meet said people and plus isolation for so many years has completely dumbed my mind. Its like I have no choice but to remain lonely and isolated.

Do you have any remaining interests?
If yes, what kinds of interests?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It can be really hard to relate to people when they / you feel like there is nothing in common.
When I was your age I studied philosophy religion science mythology magick you name it. Others of my age felt like a different species. They had no need to try and understand me but I had to understand them to function around them or be alone. Exhausting!
I got over this with alcohol though I don't recommend that.
I think a certain amount of trying to fit in is necessary and it may get easier as you gain experience. As you say, maybe the new workplace might help.
But also there are other people who you may have more in common with its just finding them. There's plenty on here who will engage in philosophical debate.
There are those that believe I'm autistic. I'm actually being assessed soon at the age of 40odd. You sound like you have the intelligence to adapt and this may come with time.

 

[Xaphous]

Do you have any remaining interests?
If yes, what kinds of interests?

Honestly nothing that stands out as being a socially inclusive interest. I'm not a "people person" by any means but just a little company would make a huge difference. I spent all my 20s isolated and just turned 30. My advice to anyone would be please don't isolate yourself for years and try to combat your loneliness, because with getting older and over time it just becomes more difficult to break the cycle.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

It can be really hard to relate to people when they / you feel like there is nothing in common.
When I was your age I studied philosophy religion science mythology magick you name it. Others of my age felt like a different species. They had no need to try and understand me but I had to understand them to function around them or be alone. Exhausting!
I got over this with alcohol though I don't recommend that.
I think a certain amount of trying to fit in is necessary and it may get easier as you gain experience. As you say, maybe the new workplace might help.
But also there are other people who you may have more in common with its just finding them. There's plenty on here who will engage in philosophical debate.
There are those that believe I'm autistic. I'm actually being assessed soon at the age of 40odd. You sound like you have the intelligence to adapt and this may come with time.

I did adapt for a time when I was in education not too long ago, but the problem was funnily enough that I got too good at adapting to other people and I forgot about my own social needs.

Though employment probably some years away, since I might go through training in how to live daily life. (I am sadly still not able to function without my parents, there was a time I was able to live alone, however that backfired badly.)

Btw, why were you never assessed for autism? Is it because of how autism wasn't looked after back in the day, or did you adapt well enough for it not to be noticed or, something like that?

Honestly nothing that stands out as being a socially inclusive interest. I'm not a "people person" by any means but just a little company would make a huge difference. I spent all my 20s isolated and just turned 30. My advice to anyone would be please don't isolate yourself for years and try to combat your loneliness, because with getting older and over time it just becomes more difficult to break the cycle.

What interests do you have that aren't socially inclusive?
Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I got too good at adapting to other people and I forgot about my own social needs.

Me too!

I've never been assessed because it's never been a problem. I learned how to obseve behaviour and mirror it. By the age of 40 it was second nature no effort required. Then I got ill which caused massive anxiety and everything went out the window. I think the docs are just looking for a label to be honest.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

Me too!

I've never been assessed because it's never been a problem. I learned how to obseve behaviour and mirror it. By the age of 40 it was second nature no effort required. Then I got ill which caused massive anxiety and everything went out the window. I think the docs are just looking for a label to be honest.

Ill in what way? something like this?

autistic burnout - Google Search

I only found out that autistic burnout existed after the ~5 time experiencing it.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No, physical illness had rendered it very difficult for me to cope. I can't adapt to things going wrong due to my health, so I exhibit behaviour similar to autism in an effort to control my environment. It's confusing because I had autistic tendencies when I was younger and have always had ocd.

Mmm thinking on it, it is kind of a burnout, bit I'm not convinced I'm autistic. The assessment should be interesting though.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

No, physical illness had rendered it very difficult for me to cope. I can't adapt to things going wrong due to my health, so I exhibit behaviour similar to autism in an effort to control my environment. It's confusing because I had autistic tendencies when I was younger and have always had ocd.

Your situation sound to be very complicated, managing both physical and mental illnesses/disorders can be quite burdensome, how did you manage your ocd before your physical illness?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Your situation sound to be very complicated, managing both physical and mental illnesses/disorders can be quite burdensome, how did you manage your ocd before your physical illness?

I didn't. It's an insane condition. Your intellect tells you one thing and your biochemistry tells you another. The cognitive dissonance is unbearable.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

I didn't. It's an insane condition. Your intellect tells you one thing and your biochemistry tells you another. The cognitive dissonance is unbearable.

So you haven't found medication that has helped reduce the symptoms?
From what I remember, ocd alone can be a crippling illness.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I tried but the effects were far worse than the ocd. I had to learn to ignore it and just accept the sense of impending doom. Ironically, the doom has indeed...er...impended.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

I tried but the effects were far worse than the ocd. I had to learn to ignore it and just accept the sense of impending doom. Ironically, the doom has indeed...er...impended.

How did you keep going for 40 years though, I am almost certain that I wouldn't be able to keep going for that long, or did you have minor breakdowns throughout it all, before the major one?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I am very very stubborn.
And I drank lots of beer. It went away when I drank.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

I am very very stubborn.
And I drank lots of beer. It went away when I drank.

It very unfortunate needing alcohol to manage ones symptoms, I hope the alcohol hasn't affected your life too negatively.
Are you still able to use alcohol as a relief, or have you build up too much of a tolerance?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh dear, no. Alcohol has ruined my health utterly. Its destroyed my life and robbed me of my future. That's why I'm here. I ran from my problems by using alcohol as medication. It worked very well, better than anything else, but it has come at far too high a cost. That's my fault and now I reap the rewards. I don't recommend it as a way of dealing with people/social circumstances either. The help it gives you is illusory.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Do you know why you are being desensitized to everything, or did it just start randomly one day?

i don't know why I find that I just get bored of drinking, smoking a bit of weed or other combination and even bored af of daily situations. It's the same routine and bored tbh
So now I don't bother drinking anymore, it's not fun anymore even if it hasn't caused problems for me in life, I just get bored of the same feeling with it.