Venting Unable to attend class

[fruitvampire]

I hate college. I hate being in a classroom, surrounded by people sneering and whispering, it triggers my paranoia. How can I begin to focus in class, if everyone is reading my thoughts and delighting on my misery?
I hate it, I hate everyone. I want to hide in my room forever. Every time I go out I'm reminded of how useless I am. There's no hope for a womanchild who can't properly leave her room, talk to strangers, or read more than a few paragraphs without getting a headache.
Please, God, let me die in my sleep.

 

[WantsToJumpAlready]

Is it possible for you to take the online or zoom classes? I was able to get an ADA accommodation (I'm autistic, I'm sure there's many diagnosis that would allow this) to have my camera off the entire time so I didn't have to worry about people looking at me. I feel you on the reading part as well, I also had ADA accommodations for extra time on everything and I'd read/write only 1-2 paragraphs at a time as I could. It's also helpful to not take more than a class or maybe two at a time since you really have to slow down the pace of your course work - which there's nothing wrong with.

If any of this isn't helpful - just disregard. I just really resonated with what you said, and some of the things I mentioned above (though no solution is perfect - still struggled a lot) is some of what I did to make things a little more bearable if these are options for you.

 

[fruitvampire]

Is it possible for you to take the online or zoom classes? I was able to get an ADA accommodation (I'm autistic, I'm sure there's many diagnosis that would allow this) to have my camera off the entire time so I didn't have to worry about people looking at me. I feel you on the reading part as well, I also had ADA accommodations for extra time on everything and I'd read/write only 1-2 paragraphs at a time as I could. It's also helpful to not take more than a class or maybe two at a time since you really have to slow down the pace of your course work - which there's nothing wrong with.

If any of this isn't helpful - just disregard. I just really resonated with what you said, and some of the things I mentioned above (though no solution is perfect - still struggled a lot) is some of what I did to make things a little more bearable if these are options for you.

Sadly, my school doesn't allow online classes. I might switch schools, though.

Thanks

 

[WantsToJumpAlready]

Sadly, my school doesn't allow online classes. I might switch schools, though.

Thanks

Yeah I'd definitely switch schools, it sounds like they don't have a learning model that works well for your needs and how you learn and that's not a reflection on you whatsoever. Best of luck to you!

 

[Rack.-]

I hate college. I hate being in a classroom, surrounded by people sneering and whispering, it triggers my paranoia. How can I begin to focus in class, if everyone is reading my thoughts and delighting on my misery?
I hate it, I hate everyone. I want to hide in my room forever. Every time I go out I'm reminded of how useless I am. There's no hope for a womanchild who can't properly leave her room, talk to strangers, or read more than a few paragraphs without getting a headache.
Please, God, let me die in my sleep.

Heyo, I understand how you feel because I have just been through the same during this first year of college. Even though I had a nice relationship with everyone in class, I always stayed away from them, feeling that I didn't deserve to talk to them. Eventually the only interaction I had with people was to greet them in the mornings, the rest of the day I would spend it sitting there alone.

And I know how difficult it gets as the year continues, but I encourage you to do it, to keep going to class even if you just sit there and warm the chair. The simple act of leaving your house in the morning is already an act of strength and determination, so please don't give up on that.

I also encourage you to try to avoid online class as much as possible, staying home all the time ends up being harmful for both your mental and physical health.

I'm sorry you are going through that but you are not alone. I'm here if you need someone to talk, sending you love and hugs ~

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so awful feeling trapped in that situation and to me it's really understandable wishing for permanent relief from everything, there certainly is too much suffering in existing here. But anyway I wish you the best

 

[FadingDawn]

Hey, I understand what you feel. I've long since become a NEET or hikik. When I was younger, I used to stay up nights just too anxious and or too depressed to deal with school. I only lasted less than a week in any real work I had afterwards. It sucks dude. Waking up to life was just, is just, sometimes so inexpressible futile and sucking and infinitely dispiriting.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Please, God, let me die in my sleep.

I'm with you man!! I wish for the same every evening when I fall asleep. But there is no god anyway who would adhere this wish. Sorry what you have to go through is so awful and tiring. I hope you can find peace!

 

[fruitvampire]

Heyo, I understand how you feel because I have just been through the same during this first year of college. Even though I had a nice relationship with everyone in class, I always stayed away from them, feeling that I didn't deserve to talk to them. Eventually the only interaction I had with people was to greet them in the mornings, the rest of the day I would spend it sitting there alone.

And I know how difficult it gets as the year continues, but I encourage you to do it, to keep going to class even if you just sit there and warm the chair. The simple act of leaving your house in the morning is already an act of strength and determination, so please don't give up on that.

I also encourage you to try to avoid online class as much as possible, staying home all the time ends up being harmful for both your mental and physical health.

I'm sorry you are going through that but you are not alone. I'm here if you need someone to talk, sending you love and hugs ~

Thank you for your kindness. You're right