Venting unable to access methods

[jellymomo]

I feel like i'm just stuck in this world. I live under a strict household so it's very rare for me to have access to resources. I would love to drown or jump, but I'm not even near any tall buildings/bridge or a body of water. I have methods such as the night-night method but i don't even think it's a high success rate. I've viewed the ctb method megathread many times, trying to find the method that is the most accessible to me and i never find any.

I feel so hopeless and I can't even fix my hopelessness by ctbing this is so pathetic i'm sorry

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's often so incredibly difficult to get access to reliable methods for a peaceful exit.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Omg, I'm the exact same and I even made a thread in the past trying to find like minded people but I barely got any replies implying that many people here are able to access a peaceful method. It's so depressing to see all of these posts about SN because I know that I won't ever have it and that I may have to resort to a brutal method such as drowning but who knows if I'm even able to do that. Just like you, I also live in a strict household with controlling parents (and I won't ever become independent due to my autism). You don't have to apologise at the end of your post for it as I don't think that you're pathetic at all. It's understandable as to how we're both unable to ctb but being trapped in existence sucks immensely and I hate it. I want to be let out and be free but unfortunately I'm just a prisoner to existence

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so trapped here, to me it feels so cruel how I cannot just have the option to just painlessly die, I only hope for a painless death to bring me peace from my suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[jellymomo]

Omg, I'm the exact same and I even made a thread in the past trying to find like minded people but I barely got any replies implying that many people here are able to access a peaceful method. It's so depressing to see all of these posts about SN because I know that I won't ever have it and that I may have to resort to a brutal method such as drowning but who knows if I'm even able to do that. Just like you, I also live in a strict household with controlling parents (and I won't ever become independent due to my autism). You don't have to apologise at the end of your post for it as I don't think that you're pathetic at all. It's understandable as to how we're both unable to ctb but being trapped in existence sucks immensely and I hate it. I want to be let out and be free but unfortunately I'm just a prisoner to existence

aw its comforting that we relate to each other :(( hopefully we can get through this it's such a struggle

 

[ijustwishtodie]

aw its comforting that we relate to each other :(( hopefully we can get through this it's such a struggle

I also hope that we can get through this. I'm honestly super scared regarding existence and how I may potentially have to live until natural death. It really is so terrifying and scary

 

[ChaosArashi]

I really like that phrase "A prisoner to existence". It's so apt. I'm sorry you are in such an environment like that. I know how horrible it is. As an adult, I financially can't get resources that I need at this time either. It's extremely frustrating when people just expect you to keep going when you're trapped in hell. I hope that you have at least the chance that when you become 18 ( or of age where you live) that you can escape the confines of your situation and perhaps live a life you can be happy in.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I really like that phrase "A prisoner to existence". It's so apt. I'm sorry you are in such an environment like that. I know how horrible it is. As an adult, I financially can't get resources that I need at this time either. It's extremely frustrating when people just expect you to keep going when you're trapped in hell. I hope that you have at least the chance that when you become 18 ( or of age where you live) that you can escape the confines of your situation and perhaps live a life you can be happy in.

If me or the OP or anybody else in a situation similar like ours is under 18, we'd automatically get banned since minors aren't allowed on this site. I'm 19 and simply being the adult age isn't enough for me to be independent. Also, even if I were to be independent, I'm not doing it for a better life but merely to get access to SN and peacefully end my life so that I can be at eternal peace. I have no desires to live a life being independent as it's just full of responsibilities and hardship. I merely want to be free and the only way for me to be free is via death. Idk what the OP is like so I should clarify that I'm merely talking about myself here

 

[sevennn]

i've never been independent and i'm 25 :,( i don't blame myself anymore because of mental and physical illness i wasn't able to be independent. i guess it's just my fate. i wish i had a job a long time ago and moved out. then killing myself would be so easy. i'd probably just hang already. classic method

 

[ChaosArashi]

If me or the OP or anybody else in a situation similar like ours is under 18, we'd automatically get banned since minors aren't allowed on this site. I'm 19 and simply being the adult age isn't enough for me to be independent. Also, even if I were to be independent, I'm not doing it for a better life but merely to get access to SN and peacefully end my life so that I can be at eternal peace. I have no desires to live a life being independent as it's just full of responsibilities and hardship. I merely want to be free and the only way for me to be free is via death. Idk what the OP is like so I should clarify that I'm merely talking about myself here

Ah, thanks for clarifying. I understand. I believe we should be able to determine our life ending at our own time and for our own reasons. Your assessment of independence is indeed what I have experienced myself. I wasn't clear, as in some places you have to be 21 to be considered able to make your own decisions, and some are 18, or rarely in emancipated youth at 16. I know you need to be over 18 here.