rih
Member
- Aug 23, 2024
- 45
So I was just sitting around being extremely anxiety induced; a little background i'm studying after going back in my mid twenties, i'm in a final year in a university and I hate the course lol; My motivation is in the negatives as thinking about the subjects/area just makes me feel worse somehow. But I said I'd last it out at least to have an honour's degree under me or something.
So i've had this ultimatum for awhile; if I fail fully out of this course/don't complete it I don't really see an opportunity where I can live comfortably/up to expectations, so that would probably make me CTB without a doubt; there's small things i've been trying to do to try like 'keep fit' eat well and such to try not make me feel misery with this course, my commute to and from the university is nearly 3 hours also. It's just I sometimes think i'm being lazy/failing on purpose to incentivize me to end it; I'm not happy and i've tried to be so it just feels like digging through rock with my fingertips.
Stuff like that got me daydreaming morbidly about other ultimatum's people would have, make X money, get Y job, achieve Z thing etc. Feel free to share if you're comfortable I just keep wondering is it too 'clinical' or odd to have things set in stone like I have. Just a little vent and discussion mixed into one, apologies.
So i've had this ultimatum for awhile; if I fail fully out of this course/don't complete it I don't really see an opportunity where I can live comfortably/up to expectations, so that would probably make me CTB without a doubt; there's small things i've been trying to do to try like 'keep fit' eat well and such to try not make me feel misery with this course, my commute to and from the university is nearly 3 hours also. It's just I sometimes think i'm being lazy/failing on purpose to incentivize me to end it; I'm not happy and i've tried to be so it just feels like digging through rock with my fingertips.
Stuff like that got me daydreaming morbidly about other ultimatum's people would have, make X money, get Y job, achieve Z thing etc. Feel free to share if you're comfortable I just keep wondering is it too 'clinical' or odd to have things set in stone like I have. Just a little vent and discussion mixed into one, apologies.
