Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Ive noticed now that under my skin has felt sore for months. Only when touched so I often forgot to bring it to my doctor.
But aside from that my throat feels swollen or smthin. Swallowing hurts so haven't eaten since last night.
And then around my adam apple is like red & swollen and reallllyyyy hurts to touch.
It's starting to hurt without me doing much but breathing....
Remembered that up the street is a walk in and u can book an appt. So gonna call soon / when they are back from break.
I'd just wait to see my doc next week but I can't even eat & these days eating has been hard for other reasons but I'd like to be able to at least do that without pain.
I think they said the walk in won't see someone if they have a family doctor buttt might jus lie bc I can't see her for another week. Hope this works bc its the cloest and I don't have the energy to be sitting in a waiting room for however long.
I'm still pretty depressed still though.
Ordered more cannabis capsules this time more so understanding what will be helpful rn. I'm still depressed but with cannabis it's just lighter enough to still do things, laugh a lil, be more relaxed body wise, hungry etc etc
Decided I'm not going to engage socially for the rest of this week. Or maybe just today but im feeling like the rest of the week would be best for me rn. Being on here and talking to folks occasionally isn't too bad/triggering.
Will be telling people this time.
Its also just bc I'm depressed & lethargic. Im not in the mood to socialize or engage tbh. I haven't felt like this in a really long time. CPTSD depression is different. This is just pure depression.
Likeee even with capsules taking enough of the edge off... I'm severely depressed. Like usual I'm hyper aroused now im hypo. Just... dead in ways. I could calmly kill myself rn tbh.
Sooo once my throat is figured out so I can eat and think more I'm def think ima sell my guitars and buy SN.
If I can't get to the walk in today I may ask my worker to go with me or smthin tmrw. I'll still see her.... maybe...
I have therapy today too... Don't prr say feel like going but mostly bc im lethargic, tired & don't feel I have much to say.
Personally im concerned of the sudden onset of depression.
The ease at which I feel like I'd be able to just kill myself is concerning.
I'm not sure I care too much though..
But aside from that my throat feels swollen or smthin. Swallowing hurts so haven't eaten since last night.
And then around my adam apple is like red & swollen and reallllyyyy hurts to touch.
It's starting to hurt without me doing much but breathing....
Remembered that up the street is a walk in and u can book an appt. So gonna call soon / when they are back from break.
I'd just wait to see my doc next week but I can't even eat & these days eating has been hard for other reasons but I'd like to be able to at least do that without pain.
I think they said the walk in won't see someone if they have a family doctor buttt might jus lie bc I can't see her for another week. Hope this works bc its the cloest and I don't have the energy to be sitting in a waiting room for however long.
I'm still pretty depressed still though.
Ordered more cannabis capsules this time more so understanding what will be helpful rn. I'm still depressed but with cannabis it's just lighter enough to still do things, laugh a lil, be more relaxed body wise, hungry etc etc
Decided I'm not going to engage socially for the rest of this week. Or maybe just today but im feeling like the rest of the week would be best for me rn. Being on here and talking to folks occasionally isn't too bad/triggering.
Will be telling people this time.
Its also just bc I'm depressed & lethargic. Im not in the mood to socialize or engage tbh. I haven't felt like this in a really long time. CPTSD depression is different. This is just pure depression.
Likeee even with capsules taking enough of the edge off... I'm severely depressed. Like usual I'm hyper aroused now im hypo. Just... dead in ways. I could calmly kill myself rn tbh.
Sooo once my throat is figured out so I can eat and think more I'm def think ima sell my guitars and buy SN.
If I can't get to the walk in today I may ask my worker to go with me or smthin tmrw. I'll still see her.... maybe...
I have therapy today too... Don't prr say feel like going but mostly bc im lethargic, tired & don't feel I have much to say.
Personally im concerned of the sudden onset of depression.
The ease at which I feel like I'd be able to just kill myself is concerning.
I'm not sure I care too much though..
Last edited:
