Two suicides that really resonate with me

[LaBrava]

The first is a writer called Mark Fisher. He was mainly known as a music writer, but also wrote a book called Capitalist Realism that looked at the dominance of the current neoliberal form of capitalism over political, economic and cultural thinking and the effects on individuals living in a neoliberal hypercapitalist world. I read it while going through a restructuring at my then place of work when I was very much in danger of losing my job and it was just about the only thing keeping me sane, knowing that someone else felt the way I did and thought the same things, albeit being much better at expressing them in written form. In the autobiographical sections of the book he wrote about his struggles with depression in the increasingly market based academic world as a lecturer, leading to sickness absences and problems with his employer. He committed suicide by hanging early in 2017. I imagine he just couldn't continue his struggle with depression any more, and could see that politically and economically things in the UK and the world were likely going to get worse. He was 48, a few years younger than me. I can totally understand where he was in his thinking - although harder for him than myself in that I believe he had a partner and a young child.

The second is someone whose name I haven't retained whose story I came across, ironically while searching on the internet for jobs in my old field, public libraries. He worked for the local council here as a librarian and had to go through the same process I've been through in the past of being re-interviewed for his job in competition with others, trying to avoid redundancy. He wasn't successful, and was given the news on what turned out to be his 60th birthday, although his employers weren't aware of this. The next day he didn't turn up for work and was found hanged in his rented room. It's obvious that he had realised that if he lost his job he wouldn't find another one as libraries are closing everywhere, and especially not at his age, and so he wasted no time before CTB. I wish I'd had his foresight as since leaving the public library sector, which wasn't great to work in during the latter years, the past few years have been really awful. I was I'd had his foresight to see that the game was up rather than lingering on trying to make the unworkable work and suffering a lot in the process. I totally understand why he did what he did and feel common cause with him.

 

[PatKat]

One that will always stick with me is Chester Bennington. He was asking for help for years, and years in his lyrics. End result, suicide by hanging.

 

[LaBrava]

I'm too old generationally to know his music all that well, but he seems to have spoken to a lot of people through his lyrics.

 

[PatKat]

I'm too old generationally to know his music all that well, but he seems to have spoken to a lot of people through his lyrics.

He said it right "in the end it doesnt even matter"

 

[KnightBlade]

One suicide that has always stuck with me was R&B singer Phyllis Hyman. Phyllis had it all: tall, beautiful, a powerful emotive singing voice. She also suffered from bipolar disorder and depression. She had caught the eye of many movers and shakers in the late 70s and was signed to a major label, Arista, and appeared on Broadway. Things were looking up for her as the 80s rolled in.

Though she had a loyal fan base and the singing chops, she was always on the cusp of superstardom. Ballads and torch songs, her preferred genre, did not sell as well as popular music. Unfortunately, she had conflicts with and was later dropped by Arista, who was enraptured by their newest ingenue, Whitney Houston. The breakup with Arista was ugly and Phyllis and was seemingly blackballed from the industry.

At that time, the mid-1980s, her mental disorders and demons began to catch up with her - she pushed many of her family and loved ones away due to her erratic behavior, she developed an addiction to alcohol and hard drugs, she gained a significant amount of weight due to her food addiction. The biggest contributor to her sadness was her poor luck with relationships— like many of us here on SS, all she wanted was for someone to understand and love her unconditionally. It is heartbreaking to watch her decline — she slowly deteriorated right in front of her fans.

Despite the setbacks, she still had a loyal fan base and sold-out venues. But, sadly, it wasn't enough. In 1995, she committed suicide by overdosing on pentobarbital and secobarbital. When they announced her death on the radio, a pall of sadness and silence washed over everyone.

As a child of the 80s, I thought she was the most beautiful woman ever — I had the biggest crush on her. Though I was too young to grasp the message of many of her songs, I was inexplicably drawn to her. The older I get, the more I appreciate her music and her struggle. Her music is intensely personal and her voice so emotive and moving - one can tell that she personally experienced the hell she sang about. In her last album, I Refuse To Be Lonely , released after her death, in the title song, you can hear her frustration and sadness. On the surface, it sounds like she is moving on from a breakup; when you delve deeper and really listen to the lyrics, it is her swan song.

In her suicide note, she reportedly said that she was tired. I identify with that — tired of the career setbacks, the loneliness, the sadness, self-sabotage, the depression. Just tired of it all...and look at me babbling on like this. Much love if you made it this far — I can talk about Ms. Hyman for hours!

 

[Ashpac]

One that will always stick with me is Chester Bennington. He was asking for help for years, and years in his lyrics. End result, suicide by hanging.

I love chester. Shame what happened to him in his early life that lead upto his death.
Jim careys girlfriend comes to mine when she took sshit loads of sleeping pills and died that way.
Many others come to mind as well. Some suicides I think were actual murders but I wont get into that.

 

[Final Escape]

One that will always stick with me is Chester Bennington. He was asking for help for years, and years in his lyrics. End result, suicide by hanging.

I wonder what had happened? I now think it was because the wife was cheating but who knows. I saw something about this on YouTube. Obviously the early childhood trauma is a factor but the heartbreak might have triggered it.

 

[Egddios]

First one that comes to mind for me is Robin Wiliams. I loved him so much as an actor, he made me laugh so, so many times and he was just fucking brilliant.

 

[Mort]

First one that comes to mind for me is Robin Wiliams. I loved him so much as an actor, he made me laugh so, so many times and he was just fucking brilliant.

Yes he was but what you have to remember is that he was a comedy genius. But all so had a flipside to that a very dark place he fort that for years but one day got the better of him sad to say . But his pain has ended now thats one good thing we can take away from this still a little sad though :|

 

[JoeFailure]

Most suicides from teenagers or even 20's get to me. They all do because I hate that anyone has to do it, but especially them because so many haven't seen the world yet and that they do have opportunities still. The ones that think they're failures because things haven't gone well in high school or college. There's so many other ways they could still be perfectly happy in life, so many just need to get out from the four walls of school to see it.

Anthony Bourdain is one that gets to me though. It scares me that someone as charismatic as him, and a guy who struggled with money until his 40's, I read he didn't even have a savings account until he was 44 and was paycheck to paycheck and behind on rent and debt before he got his big book/TV break...even after he was able to make it big and put all that behind him, he couldn't shed the depression. It really is just frightening to me. That even if I somehow miraculously get out of this, that this will still follow me. But he did also talk about some of the amazing times he had, I think it was just a constant battle where he was able to enjoy a lot of out of his life and success, but still at times had this hanging over him.

 

[omoidarui]

Long before my time but one (possible) suicide that mystifies me is that of my favourite composer, Alexei Stanchinsky (1888 - 1914). He was a child prodigy at the piano, even the likes of Scriabin travelled to hear him play. When his father died he had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed schizophrenic, the experience changed him as a person and this may have had an effect on his compositions.

He gave his first public recital in 1914 and was praised as having great potential. Later that year he was found dead next to a stream in what is generally accepted as suicide. He had been wandering the countryside alone for weeks prior to his death. I've been researching this composer quite a lot, his music speaks to me in ways no other does. I'm fascinated to know what he was doing prior to his death and what led him to kill himself (and whether it had something to do with the war?).

 

[not_a_robot]

One that will always stick with me is Chester Bennington. He was asking for help for years, and years in his lyrics. End result, suicide by hanging.

I don't know what more "help" there is, once someone has more money than god. They basically won at life, if that's not a good enough reason to go on, I don't know what anybody else is supposed to do to be able to "help". Other than lock them up to keep them from ctb.

 

[Jolene40]

Yes he was but what you have to remember is that he was a comedy genius. But all so had a flipside to that a very dark place he fort that for years but one day got the better of him sad to say . But his pain has ended now thats one good thing we can take away from this still a little sad though :|

Robin Williams had Louis body dementia. That will no doubt be what drove him to it in the end

 

[BridgeJumper]

Chester Bennington.
I mean suicides of people Im not really close with dont really bother me that much aside from the general sadness, but when news broke that he died I deadass practiced partial from my doorknob with One more light playing in repeat for a few days. When I suffered a psychotic breakdown a month or two later due to being off my meds my friends told me I mumbled some shit about a guy named Chester. So yeah, it has deeply affected me.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I wonder what had happened? I now think it was because the wife was cheating but who knows. I saw something about this on YouTube. Obviously the early childhood trauma is a factor but the heartbreak might have triggered it.

I always thought his suicide had something to do with his heartbreak over his best friend's suicide a couple months earlier (Chris Cornell).

 

[Final Escape]

I always thought his suicide had something to do with his heartbreak over his best friend's suicide a couple months earlier (Chris Cornell).

Maybe, it's rarely just one thing. It's like a few bad things have to hit at same time.

 

[Midnight]

One that will always stick with me is Chester Bennington. He was asking for help for years, and years in his lyrics. End result, suicide by hanging.

I'm a fan aswell ... Though i don't know if he was actually reaching out for help. Venting trough his music yes for sure. Much like we come to a place like this as a last haven for understanding,friendship,a place to vent as it's virtually impossible to do in the real world. I doubt there is a cure for most of us here. It's something that will be with you all your life regardless of the outcome.

 

[FauxEmotions]

R.I.P. Brody Stevens.

818 til I die.

 

[PatKat]

I'm a fan aswell ... Though i don't know if he was actually reaching out for help. Venting trough his music yes for sure. Much like we come to a place like this as a last haven for understanding,friendship,a place to vent as it's virtually impossible to do in the real world. I doubt there is a cure for most of us here. It's something that will be with you all your life regardless of the outcome.

No cure, only treatable :(

 

[LaBrava]

Most suicides from teenagers or even 20's get to me. They all do because I hate that anyone has to do it, but especially them because so many haven't seen the world yet and that they do have opportunities still. The ones that think they're failures because things haven't gone well in high school or college. There's so many other ways they could still be perfectly happy in life, so many just need to get out from the four walls of school to see it.

Anthony Bourdain is one that gets to me though. It scares me that someone as charismatic as him, and a guy who struggled with money until his 40's, I read he didn't even have a savings account until he was 44 and was paycheck to paycheck and behind on rent and debt before he got his big book/TV break...even after he was able to make it big and put all that behind him, he couldn't shed the depression. It really is just frightening to me. That even if I somehow miraculously get out of this, that this will still follow me. But he did also talk about some of the amazing times he had, I think it was just a constant battle where he was able to enjoy a lot of out of his life and success, but still at times had this hanging over him.

I only really know Bourdain through reading Kitchen Confidential, but he is another one that hits home with me. I think he lived a tough life as a mid tier chef - he talks about what a brutal and unremitting job it is, and as much as he clearly got a buzz out of being able to hack it in such a tough and macho environment, I think maybe it takes a toll. along with his substance abuse struggles. I think he always struggled with feeling he measured up to high standards he set for himself. I think he was going through some heartbreak relating to his relationship with Asia Argento and that may have contributed, there was some messy stuff around her legal case involving sex with an underage actor. It's hard to say what tipped the balance. He's definitely someone who was hugely admired and had a lot to live for.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

The first is a writer called Mark Fisher. He was mainly known as a music writer, but also wrote a book called Capitalist Realism that looked at the dominance of the current neoliberal form of capitalism over political, economic and cultural thinking and the effects on individuals living in a neoliberal hypercapitalist world. I read it while going through a restructuring at my then place of work when I was very much in danger of losing my job and it was just about the only thing keeping me sane, knowing that someone else felt the way I did and thought the same things, albeit being much better at expressing them in written form. In the autobiographical sections of the book he wrote about his struggles with depression in the increasingly market based academic world as a lecturer, leading to sickness absences and problems with his employer. He committed suicide by hanging early in 2017. I imagine he just couldn't continue his struggle with depression any more, and could see that politically and economically things in the UK and the world were likely going to get worse. He was 48, a few years younger than me. I can totally understand where he was in his thinking - although harder for him than myself in that I believe he had a partner and a young child.

The second is someone whose name I haven't retained whose story I came across, ironically while searching on the internet for jobs in my old field, public libraries. He worked for the local council here as a librarian and had to go through the same process I've been through in the past of being re-interviewed for his job in competition with others, trying to avoid redundancy. He wasn't successful, and was given the news on what turned out to be his 60th birthday, although his employers weren't aware of this. The next day he didn't turn up for work and was found hanged in his rented room. It's obvious that he had realised that if he lost his job he wouldn't find another one as libraries are closing everywhere, and especially not at his age, and so he wasted no time before CTB. I wish I'd had his foresight as since leaving the public library sector, which wasn't great to work in during the latter years, the past few years have been really awful. I was I'd had his foresight to see that the game was up rather than lingering on trying to make the unworkable work and suffering a lot in the process. I totally understand why he did what he did and feel common cause with him.

I've always been pulled to Marilyn Manroe and Kurt Cobain's.

 

[1234dave]

Most suicides from teenagers or even 20's get to me. They all do because I hate that anyone has to do it, but especially them because so many haven't seen the world yet and that they do have opportunities still. The ones that think they're failures because things haven't gone well in high school or college. There's so many other ways they could still be perfectly happy in life, so many just need to get out from the four walls of school to see it.

Anthony Bourdain is one that gets to me though. It scares me that someone as charismatic as him, and a guy who struggled with money until his 40's, I read he didn't even have a savings account until he was 44 and was paycheck to paycheck and behind on rent and debt before he got his big book/TV break...even after he was able to make it big and put all that behind him, he couldn't shed the depression. It really is just frightening to me. That even if I somehow miraculously get out of this, that this will still follow me. But he did also talk about some of the amazing times he had, I think it was just a constant battle where he was able to enjoy a lot of out of his life and success, but still at times had this hanging over him.

Boursin suffered from benzo damage

 

[nembutal]

been thinking about murder suicides quite often. more importantly those that have written some manifesto beforehand in an attempt to spread their personal ideologies. i always wonder if these people actually have a physiological desire to kill or if they understand that their messages will not realistically spread without an act to place them front and center on the morning newspaper.

joesph stack for example was so fed up with taxation he flew his plane into the irs building in austin tx in 2010. his suicide note is rampant with anti capitalist qualities that i adore

"At the same time, the joke we call the American medical system, including the drug and insurance companies, are murdering tens of thousands of people a year and stealing from the corpses and victims they cripple, and this country's leaders don't see this as important as bailing out a few of their vile, rich cronies. Yet, the political "representatives" (thieves, liars, and self-serving scumbags is far more accurate) have endless time to sit around for year after year and debate the state of the "terrible health care problem". It's clear they see no crisis as long as the dead people don't get in the way of their corporate profits rolling in."

"Isn't it ironic how far we've come in 60 years in this country that they now know how to fix that little economic problem; they just steal from the middle class (who doesn't have any say in it, elections are a joke) to cover their asses and it's "business-as-usual". Now when the wealthy fuck up, the poor get to die for the mistakes... isn't that a clever, tidy solution."

"Sadly, though I spent my entire life trying to believe it wasn't so, but violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer. The cruel joke is that the really big chunks of shit at the top have known this all along and have been laughing, at and using this awareness against, fools like me all along."