I had been planning to go a week back since the initial plan was before my birthday, but I haven't had the chance to be completely alone.
My birthday is now only two days away. I'm not trying to be "poetic" or anything but something feels right about choosing that midnight of my bday to CTB.
Just last night, (while planning a very last minute and peer-pressured get together w/ friends to celebrate that arbitrary day), I was suddenly struck with the desire to do it that very same moment even though I didn't have things prepared yet. I figured I'd sleep a couple hours into the night and see if I'm still feeling like I should just do it then and there, cause I've been resisting the urge to do it spontaneously. But I didn't want any mistakes. I don't want to fuck it up.
My method is SN. I'e had it for a couple fo weeks now and although I didn't personally test mine, I have read about people on here who bought from the same source and deemed it to be legitimate.
I don't really have the proper antiemetics since I couldn't get a prescription, but will get some other OTC brand since something is always better than nothing. Will also get the Tagamet tomorrow. I have benzos (Valium) to soothe me and hard candy to help with the taste.
This morning I finally measured and weighed the SN in two little baggies so I can have a backup.
I had a great few days this last week and maybe thats why I subconsciously kept pushing back the preparation. I even started talking to someone new and got to see many old friends. I'm thankful for it, even though now I only have a few days to get it all together.
I think that the fact that I can be presently "happy" but still be set on dying further assured me this is the right choice. That I am sure and won't regret it. I cannot express enough how lucky I am to be going with ( what I hope will be an ongoing) peaceful state of mind because I know that is not the case for everyone.
This turned out to be a bit of a rant so I'm sorry and also very grateful if you actually made it this far down.
If anyone has any advice/suggestions as to how I can further ease my trip or increase success rate (considering I don't have all the recommended tools from the PHB) or really on anything, I would be eternally grateful.
Now I gotta go get prepped to get sloshed for one last time and hope I don't see past the age of 23. I will try to post again on that night to keep people informed.
My birthday is now only two days away. I'm not trying to be "poetic" or anything but something feels right about choosing that midnight of my bday to CTB.
Just last night, (while planning a very last minute and peer-pressured get together w/ friends to celebrate that arbitrary day), I was suddenly struck with the desire to do it that very same moment even though I didn't have things prepared yet. I figured I'd sleep a couple hours into the night and see if I'm still feeling like I should just do it then and there, cause I've been resisting the urge to do it spontaneously. But I didn't want any mistakes. I don't want to fuck it up.
My method is SN. I'e had it for a couple fo weeks now and although I didn't personally test mine, I have read about people on here who bought from the same source and deemed it to be legitimate.
I don't really have the proper antiemetics since I couldn't get a prescription, but will get some other OTC brand since something is always better than nothing. Will also get the Tagamet tomorrow. I have benzos (Valium) to soothe me and hard candy to help with the taste.
This morning I finally measured and weighed the SN in two little baggies so I can have a backup.
I had a great few days this last week and maybe thats why I subconsciously kept pushing back the preparation. I even started talking to someone new and got to see many old friends. I'm thankful for it, even though now I only have a few days to get it all together.
I think that the fact that I can be presently "happy" but still be set on dying further assured me this is the right choice. That I am sure and won't regret it. I cannot express enough how lucky I am to be going with ( what I hope will be an ongoing) peaceful state of mind because I know that is not the case for everyone.
This turned out to be a bit of a rant so I'm sorry and also very grateful if you actually made it this far down.
If anyone has any advice/suggestions as to how I can further ease my trip or increase success rate (considering I don't have all the recommended tools from the PHB) or really on anything, I would be eternally grateful.
Now I gotta go get prepped to get sloshed for one last time and hope I don't see past the age of 23. I will try to post again on that night to keep people informed.
