Venting TW: SxA. I think my mom was SAing me

[sleeplessboyinbed]

Just realized it. It went almost my whole life, stopped for awhile, yesterday she did it again. When she stopped i instantly felt better, i still didn't want to live but i felt a difference. Yesterday i felt like sh*t and cried (it's hard for me to cry, i can only shed some tears but it was like a broken dam). I feel so dysphoric and disgusting. It would have never happened if i was cis. It's all because of this bs. Im so alone in this life. I wish i had someone to comfort me. I wish physical contact felt safe. I want somebody to be there for me.
Im so embarrassed it happened to me. And the fact my mom did it... I wish i hadn't realised it wasn't normal. I feel so sick right now. I wish somebody could help me. But all i have is my imaginary friends. I have no help because i live in a cis world where abusing trans people is normal... I have gender dysphoria and i think my mom knows, she threatens me with a therapist (conversion therapist i think). I don't think she can do much since im an adult, it's just really annoying and hurts me when she says that. I think my mom is not normal. I feel so powerless, i wish i could run away from here but i can barely survive day to day. Ctb is my only choice...

 

[Eazy]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This isn't normal and I don't think theres anyone who views your mothers behavior as normal. I hope you try to leave and go someplace else, even if you think itll be hard you don't know until you try and things could go better than you think. I really hope you don't kill yourself. Sending my love

 

[scary]

I'm so fucking sorry you had to go through that, your mom has absolutely no right to touch you, related to you or not that doesn't give her the right to do things to her own child. Your mom sure as hell doesn't sound normal to me if she thinks SA'ing her kid is a good thing to do. I wish you didn't have to feel the need to ctb because of the world and her actions, you deserve to feel happy in your own skin, every trans person does.

Her touching you like that I think is her way of trying to 'convert you back to normal' which obviously is just vile. She might think hauling you off to some therapist will finally 'cure' you so she doesn't have to do it herself (although I can't really know exactly what's going on in her mind and it wouldn't really be right of me to speculate further) but either way its your damn life, not hers, she doesn't have the right to turn you into something you're not especially since you're an adult.

I wish I could do more that just make a half-assed comment on a forum sleepless. Just know that i'm here and that the forum is here if you ever need someone to talk to and vent

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This isn't normal and I don't think theres anyone who views your mothers behavior as normal. I hope you try to leave and go someplace else, even if you think itll be hard you don't know until you try and things could go better than you think. I really hope you don't kill yourself. Sending my love

Thank you (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

I'm so fucking sorry you had to go through that, your mom has absolutely no right to touch you, related to you or not that doesn't give her the right to do things to her own child. Your mom sure as hell doesn't sound normal to me if she thinks SA'ing her kid is a good thing to do. I wish you didn't have to feel the need to ctb because of the world and her actions, you deserve to feel happy in your own skin, every trans person does.

Her touching you like that I think is her way of trying to 'convert you back to normal' which obviously is just vile. She might think hauling you off to some therapist will finally 'cure' you so she doesn't have to do it herself (although I can't really know exactly what's going on in her mind and it wouldn't really be right of me to speculate further) but either way its your damn life, not hers, she doesn't have the right to turn you into something you're not especially since you're an adult.

I wish I could do more that just make a half-assed comment on a forum sleepless. Just know that i'm here and that the forum is here if you ever need someone to talk to and vent

Thank you, your comment means a lot to me. Just having another human feel sorry for me makes me feel better. I love the image you attached