Venting [TW: self-harm] i'm such a fucking worthless piece of shit.

[VIBRITANNIA]

don't feel obligated to reply to this. i'm just fucking pissed.

i literally cannot do anything right. i can't even fucking process my emotions right. i fucked up something so easy a third grader could do it, and i got mad, so what do i decide to do? start fucking stabbing the walls and bending silverware and kicking shit like some sort of fucking idiot? i can't even process my emotions correctly. what the fuck.

and i can't even do something as simple as cutting right! i can't even will myself to go deeper, or to stop being such a pussy and burn myself. and then i ask myself why i'm miserable all the time. maybe if i could actually hurt myself, i wouldn't be here.

god, two months cannot go by fast enough. i swear, at this point, i might just opt for stabbing my throat instead of sn. i don't fucking care about how painful it is. at least if i stab my throat, it'll be violent and quick. god. my day is ruined and it's all my fault.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I'll reply anyway haha

I feel you. Honestly, it's a bit strange that I can relate to so many people here. I went through that throat stabbing part, though I was thinking of combining it with jumping out of the window. I know how much pain you have to endure while these thoughts overwhelm you.

You aren't worthless because of these things, though I know that a random hypocrite stranger's words won't comfort you, but know that I read and feel your frustration.
I hope these feelings will subside as soon as possible, don't do anything on such an impulse.
All the best to you.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'll reply too

I certainly don't think you are worthless. Just afraid, angry, frustrated...

I get like that. I have a very deep core of anger, buried underneath a layer of balance and reason. I dip into it to give me strength but its always threatens to overwhelm me and make me go ballistic. I've lost count of the possessions I've broken over the years when the monster has come out.

I also know what it feels like to think "Fuckit, fuck this, just make it all stop."

I hope this passes for you and you can regain some equilibrium.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I reply because I really really feel this and relate. I did the same thing this week. I fucked up again and started throwing and breaking stuff. Then just took my anger out on myself I couldn't cut myself deep enough but I did cut way too much and carved I hate life into my leg and burned myself pretty bad inns few spots.

Your not alone in these feelings lots of us like myself understand. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. Sending hugs.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I reply because I really really feel this and relate. I did the same thing this week. I fucked up again and started throwing and breaking stuff. Then just took my anger out on myself I couldn't cut myself deep enough but I did cut way too much and carved I hate life into my leg and burned myself pretty bad inns few spots.

Your not alone in these feelings lots of us like myself understand. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. Sending hugs.

Hah, you reminded me when I carved "I'm sorry" into my arm in high school. Those were the times.

 

[whywere]

OMG!!!!!! My heart is breaking in pieces when I read your post. I am 100% the same, as I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it always either gets me in trouble or messes me up somehow. YOU and I are the same also as I can NOT EVER process my emotions either. I am all most crying writing this to you becasue I KNOW what it is like and how it FEELS and it is pure torment. Please remember that you have ALL of us here on Sanctioned Suicide to help you and we ALL love, care for you with a endless supply of empathy. WE are ARE ONE, when you hurt so do I and I want the BEST for you period!!!! Sending you love empathy and caring to make your day/night better!!!!!!!

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Hah, you reminded me when I carved "I'm sorry" into my arm in high school. Those were the times.

I feel stupid doing it because I did it back in highschool and middle school but here I am in my late 20s still doing it.

 

[Symbiote]

I'll add my two cents as well. I think our depression have dumbed down our intelligence. I feel stupid everyday, yet I try to immerse myself in research topics to stay somewhat sharp. I'm not street smart or society smart. I don't understand or I'm too lazy to connect with other humans during conversation. Common sense isn't part of my traits I guess

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I feel stupid doing it because I did it back in highschool and middle school but here I am in my late 20s still doing it.

Sometimes feelings are to hard to control. Nowadays I often get the urge to do it. I can resist it, but I'm not sure for how long. It's pretty much the same with ctb.

 

[Life_and_Death]

start fucking stabbing the walls and bending silverware and kicking shit like some sort of fucking idiot?

i do this. actually just a day or 2 ago i stabbed a cupboard with a screw driver although its typically directed at myself i can count a lot of holes in the walls (not to mention the closet door or plastic panel on a car i broke with my head.) but im working on stopping that if youd like to know how i...sort of do it. its a start lol