Venting Turns out I'm just a walking disorder

[SanguineShark]

2 months ago I was extremely suicidal and had a suicide plan in motion. I went to a psychiatric hospital for a month to get "stabilized". I got a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis and I'm crying my eyes out right now realizing my whole personality is a disorder. It really is, I'm just the symptoms without any sense of self. I really want to die and just escape from this pain of existing..

 

[RainAndSadness]

I feel you 100%, as someone who also has been diagnosed with BPD as well. I think "walking disorder" describes my problem pretty well too. I'm sorry you're going through that, it's really one of the worst mental health conditions out there. It's extremely difficult, I don't even know what to tell you. I hope you find treatment that works but you're already in psychiatric care and it doesn't seem to help you, according to your own posts. I know that finding effective treatment for BPD is very difficult but not impossible. Just know that I understand your pain and struggle and I wish you the best.

By the way, nice profile picture, I think she is very relatable to many of us who suffer from BPD.

 

[SanguineShark]

I feel you 100%, as someone who also has been diagnosed with BPD as well. I think "walking disorder" describes my problem pretty well too. I'm sorry you're going through that, it's really one of the worst mental health conditions out there. It's extremely difficult, I don't even know what to tell you. I hope you find treatment that works but you're already in psychiatric care and it doesn't seem to help you, according to your own posts. I know that finding effective treatment for BPD is very difficult but not impossible. Just know that I understand your pain and struggle and I wish you the best.

By the way, nice profile picture, I think she is very relatable to many of us who suffer from BPD.

thank you for support. I honestly can't stop crying as I'm extremely suicidal. BPD is torture and I'm not surprised how big % we have of death by suicide. Funny you mention Jinx, right now I'm drawing myself as her, dying from suicide. I extremely relate to her and I tend to have delusions that I'm her.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Did they recommend you do DBT?

 

[LonelyKitten]

Same here. It's like an endless, self-reinventing hell.
Who am I, what am I? "Problem" or "walking disorder" as you put it seems the only consistent answer.

I shy'd away from those CBT/DBT treatments they recommended when I had a good opportunity to try it.
I don't know if that stuff really helps, but I kinda regret not giving it a real shot. Maybe it'd been worth trying.

I hope you find some kind of relief from this ride of horrors.

 

[SpectorStar]

As someone with BPD too.. I feel you

 

[SanguineShark]

Did they recommend you do DBT?

yes, but I still haven't gotten to call a psychologist, the waiting time could be a year anyway

 

[LaVieEnRose]

yes, but I still haven't gotten to call a psychologist, the waiting time could be a year anyway

Maybe it's worth still trying. Some people find it really alleviates if not eliminates their symptoms.

 

[アホペンギン]

I don't have BDP myself, at least I haven't gone to a doctor yet to get a diagnosis but I can understand the pain that you're in. BPD must be awful to have, your mood changes all the time causing you to be suicidal at times and then in a psychotic stage (at least how I understand it) and it even led you to believing that you're a walking disorder. It's regrettable that you have to suffer like this and I hope you'll someday find peace. I send you my best regard and lots of strength!