Venting Trying to will my heart to stop

[Pure]

I've been lying in bed for about a week now losing my goddamn mind. My mother said something very upsetting to me last week and I couldn't brush it off and it ended up being the icing of the shit cake in terms of all the shitastic things my family has done to me :')

I can't even begin to describe my mental health over the years lol but I thought I had more or less recovered but nahhh. It just dawned on me (again) how awful I am and ugly and terrible to be around. It's no wonder nobody wants to be near me.

I keep having palpitations that my parents are just gonna come into my room to scream at me for being stuck in my bed (like they used to when I lived with them) but I have to remind myself that I live in my own apartment.

I have SN chilling in my shopping cart wondering if I should just hit buy. But I feel like I have too many academic burdens but idk I think I overestimate my role in people's lives.

Anyways I'm just trying to will my heart to stop lmao pretending that I'm actually dying when I fall asleep.

 

[motel rooms]

I have a disturbing message for you from Celine Dion

 

[Bullit]

Celine walks into a bar. Bartender:"Why the long face?"

 

[logan]

I have a very low resting heart rate by nature and through former competitive sport - under 50.
And I have often wished I could just stop my heartbeat - but unfortunately that is not possible. These processes are difficult or impossible to influence at will.

 

[OceanBlue]

This read like it's been written by Gregor Samsa.

Sorry you're going through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I have often wished the same thing. I would ideally love to fall into an eternal sleep. Life really can be exhausting.

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

I think I heart somewhere a long time ago that someone actually died whilst sleeping because of sheer willpower that the brain shut off....
Also, I hope you can get time to just relax. Maybe the palpitations will stop if you learn to have a hobby or smth that gives you comfort to forget about them. I also have really bad family issues, you're not alone

 

[RichardFirst]

I don't think that we can stop out hearts by sheer will power, but it would be fantastic.