Trying to wait to the first of the year

[Idontmatter]

I've decided to try and not rush to make another attempt at ctb with sn. I'm really going to try (keyword try) to hang on until after the holidays. This way I can plan better and not ruin my husband's plans for us. He wants us to do some small vacations over the next couple of months. I'm still going to ctb. I know there are other alternative things i can try but I'm honestly now tired of trying new things. I've literally lost any motivation to live. I function just so I can work since I need to keep my job a while longer. The constant suicidal thoughts are there and won't go away so i have to fight the constant urges to ctb on impulse. Will I succeed in waiting that long? Who the fuck knows. I'm sticking around for a bit longer for my husband, not for myself. If he wasn't in the picture I would be drinking sn right now because I feel like crap this morning. I'm probably still going to get a hotel but next time I'm determined I'm going to do it. Things could change and I could do it sooner, so we will see. If I happen to do it sooner I'll post on here when I drink it to help people see any side effects I might have. Thank you all for the support after my attempt last weekend. It helps to have people understand mental illness. Sorry for the long post. I'm just so tired and had to vent. It sucks waking up and feeling like you just want to go back to sleep and not wake up.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I've decided to try and not rush to make another attempt at ctb with sn. I'm really going to try (keyword try) to hang on until after the holidays. This way I can plan better and not ruin my husband's plans for us. He wants us to do some small vacations over the next couple of months. I'm still going to ctb. I know there are other alternative things i can try but I'm honestly now tired of trying new things. I've literally lost any motivation to live. I function just so I can work since I need to keep my job a while longer. The constant suicidal thoughts are there and won't go away so i have to fight the constant urges to ctb on impulse. Will I succeed in waiting that long? Who the fuck knows. I'm sticking around for a bit longer for my husband, not for myself. If he wasn't in the picture I would be drinking sn right now because I feel like crap this morning. I'm probably still going to get a hotel but next time I'm determined I'm going to do it. Things could change and I could do it sooner, so we will see. If I happen to do it sooner I'll post on here when I drink it to help people see any side effects I might have. Thank you all for the support after my attempt last weekend. It helps to have people understand mental illness. Sorry for the long post. I'm just so tired and had to vent. It sucks waking up and feeling like you just want to go back to sleep and not wake up.

Give it a try. It is always worth trying if the voices from within you tell you to and I even hope it restores everything even if it seems impossible or whatever you said you are thinking. Don't make it an obligation to ctb. I agree give it a try have some good time you deserve it and don't feel bad about your attempts. Noone of would choose what you should and want to do. Just acceptance and have a great vacation and happy holidays.
Peace

Give it a try. It is always worth trying if the voices from within you tell you to and I even hope it restores everything even if it seems impossible or whatever you said you are thinking. Don't make it an obligation to ctb. I agree give it a try have some good time you deserve it and don't feel bad about your attempts. Noone of would choose what you should and want to do. Just acceptance and have a great vacation and happy holidays.
Peace

I was thinking if we can follow the urge to ctb we should also follow the urge to live. I sometimes feel some of us just start to feel and even if things get better we just feel they aren't not saying they are getting better or speculating but take the things at base value or for real? If it really feels it's better to live it really is. Maybe I will regret living later but I already have before it would be no different and it's all unpredictable. I can't avoid it that's inevitable. Peace.

 

[Euthanza]

After all these stressful events, leave your worries behind for a while. I hope you have a nice, relaxing and refreshing vacation.

 

[Idontmatter]

Give it a try. It is always worth trying if the voices from within you tell you to and I even hope it restores everything even if it seems impossible or whatever you said you are thinking. Don't make it an obligation to ctb. I agree give it a try have some good time you deserve it and don't feel bad about your attempts. Noone of would choose what you should and want to do. Just acceptance and have a great vacation and happy holidays.
Peace

I was thinking if we can follow the urge to ctb we should also follow the urge to live. I sometimes feel some of us just start to feel and even if things get better we just feel they aren't not saying they are getting better or speculating but take the things at base value or for real? If it really feels it's better to live it really is. Maybe I will regret living later but I already have before it would be no different and it's all unpredictable. I can't avoid it that's inevitable. Peace.

After all these stressful events, leave your worries behind for a while. I hope you have a nice, relaxing and refreshing vacation.

By Jan I'll definitely be ready to make another ctb attempt.

Give it a try. It is always worth trying if the voices from within you tell you to and I even hope it restores everything even if it seems impossible or whatever you said you are thinking. Don't make it an obligation to ctb. I agree give it a try have some good time you deserve it and don't feel bad about your attempts. Noone of would choose what you should and want to do. Just acceptance and have a great vacation and happy holidays.
Peace

I was thinking if we can follow the urge to ctb we should also follow the urge to live. I sometimes feel some of us just start to feel and even if things get better we just feel they aren't not saying they are getting better or speculating but take the things at base value or for real? If it really feels it's better to live it really is. Maybe I will regret living later but I already have before it would be no different and it's all unpredictable. I can't avoid it that's inevitable. Peace.

I can at least try.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so tiring knowing that you have to wait to ctb. I understand never wanting to wake again, eternal sleep does sound like the best thing possible. Best wishes.

 

[Idontmatter]

I was going to wait till the end of the year but I can't. I'm so exhausted. I want to do it soon. I'm hoping to find a partner. I feel pathetic because I can't hold on till the new year.